Happy People Come From Hell
Why Happy People Actually Have The Most Negativity in Their Lives
Let’s face it, we all have them.
They’re signs of life just as much as beating hearts and breathing…
Problems.
As one of my favorite motivational speakers says,
“The only people without problems are those in cemeteries” — Tony Robbins
Being alive means to have conflict. To have negativity.
But as Winston Churchill once said,
“If you’re going through Hell, keep going”
Why?
Because happy people come from Hell…
…But want to know the difference?
They keep going.
These are the 6 key ways happy people use negativity to transform their Hells into Heavens…
6. Happy People Are Stressed
…But want to know the difference?
Happy people view and use stress positively, instead of perceiving it as something harmful.
Being truly happy in life means to be balanced and positive in all areas of life, to find ways to invite the good in even when it all seems bad.
Take the the concept of stress for example…
In her book, The Upside of Stress Kelly McGonigal talks about how stress can actually be a powerful tool to increase happiness and life expectancy when met with the right attitude.
We can approach stress two ways:
“Mindset 1: Stress Is Harmful. Experiencing stress depletes my health and vitality. Experiencing stress debilitates my performance and productivity. Experiencing stress inhibits my learning and growth. The effects of stress are negative and should be avoided.
Mindset 2: Stress Is Enhancing. Experiencing stress enhances my performance and productivity. Experiencing stress improves my health and vitality. Experiencing stress facilitates my learning and growth. The effects of stress are positive and should be utilized.” ― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress
Recent science explains that stress is destructive only when we give it that power over us.
Kelly McGonigal talks about an interesting study done in 1998 where 30,000 adult participants were asked two things:
- How much stress they experienced in the past year.
- If they believed stress was harmful to their health or not.
Years later the same researchers looked through public records to find out who among the 30,000 had died.
The bad news?
Researchers found an increased risk of death by 43% for those who had high levels of stress.
But this was only the case if the subject viewed stress to be harmful.
The good news?
“People who reported high levels of stress but who did not view stress as harmful were not more likely to die. In fact, they had the lowest risk of death for anyone in the study, even lower than those who reported experiencing less stress.” ― Kelly McGonigal, The Upside of Stress
Is stress destructive?
Yes. Until we change the way we think about it.
Want even more good news?
We have the power to shift and change our paradigm immediately when it comes to stress.
In fact we do it already!
Stop for a minute and think about the most important moments in your life.
These may include things like:
- Growing a relationship
- Graduating from school
- Having/raising children
Every important development in our lives involves stress, but we usually think of these things with a glowing attitude.
Why?
A study done by Roy Baumeister tells us that the things that we perceive to be the most stressful in life actually give it the most meaning as well.
In the study results Roy explains,
“Higher levels of worry, stress, and anxiety were linked to higher meaningfulness…Having a meaningful life contributes to being happy and being happy may also contribute to finding life more meaningful.”
Kelly McGonigal explains this further in something called the stress paradox,
Happy lives are stressful, and stress-free lives don’t guarantee happiness.
It’s our attitude about stress that makes all the difference.
Though there are times where we should think about stress in negative terms (ie: we shouldn’t force ourselves to stay in toxic relationships or abuse our bodies), we can also employ McGonigal’s Mindset 2 more often to give ourselves more life, health, and vitality in the long run.
5. Happy People Are In Pain
…But want to know the difference?
Happy people control their pain instead of letting it control them.
Happiness is all about attitude. It’s not just a momentary state where we smile and move on, happiness is really about our choices and our ability to always find the good in a situation.
Happiness can mean pain, but in the right way.
Tony Robbins says that the happiest and most successful people in life constantly and actively use inner pain as a tool to achieve their hopes and dreams.
He explains that the reason we do anything in life stems from our desire for two things:
To gain pleasure or avoid pain…
Unfortunately due to our negativity bias as humans, the greater motivator for us is often pain.
But we can channel negativity energy, making it work for us. In order to move towards something we want or desire, we can use disturbing energy to drive us there.
“The secret of success is learning how to use pain and pleasure instead of having pain and pleasure use you. If you do that, you’re in control of your life. If you don’t, life controls you.” — Tony Robbins
When happy people want to change, they tell themselves it’s not ok to live the way they are living. They get disturbed and take action…through pain.
Essentially, successful and happy people focus more on the pain of NOT following through with their goals than the pain of going through with them in the first place…
“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.” — Tony Robbins
By really asking ourselves what is disgusting about our lives, what we really need to fix, we can guide our energy in the direction we want it to go. We won’t stay comfortable, we won’t stay the same. We can create positive change. We can achieve any goal.
We just need to focus on getting disturbed about the right things!
A happy attitude about pain can create a life where we are the ones in control, not our emotions.
4. Happy People Wear Chains
…But want to know the difference?
Happy people move, never letting their chains weigh them down to one spot.
We all carry burdens. But believe it or not, chains are what actually cause happy people to move…
Rosa Luxemburg once said,
“Those who do not move, do not notice their chains.”
In his book, The Obstacle Is The Way Ryan Holiday argues that in order to live a happy life, we should always meet obstacles and problems with energy, resilience, and (most importantly) an eye for opportunity…
“The obstacle in the path becomes the path. Never forget, within every obstacle is an opportunity to improve our condition.” — Ryan Holiday
Happy people see obstacles as opportunities. They use problems to improve their condition. They use their chains to move. They use negativity to their advantage.
Successful entrepreneurs do it all the time, turning crashes in the stock market to gains for their company and so on….
Problems are not only a sign of life, they’re a sign of success!
3. Happy People Have Opposition
…But want to know the difference?
Happy people seek out opposition in order to grow.
In the book The Inner Game of Tennis: The Classic Guide to the Mental Side of Peak Performance Timothy Gallwey uses the game of tennis as a metaphor for life to show how opposition and obstacles can help us to perform at peak condition.
“In tennis who is it that provides a person with the obstacles he needs in order to experience his highest limits? His opponent, of course! Then is your opponent a friend or an enemy? … Only by playing the role of your enemy does he become your true friend … In this use of competition it is the duty of your opponent to create the greatest possible difficulties for you, just as it is yours to try to create obstacles for him. Only by doing this do you give each other the opportunity to find out to what heights each can rise.”
Happy people often invite opposition into their lives, striving to learn and grow, seeing what new heights they can reach from it.
“Opposition can be your friend. Opposition can be the fire that tempers the better sword, as well as the ice that cools a fiery temper. Don’t ever run from it; learn from it!” ― Jack R. Rose, The Cedar Post
Happiness is a outlook. It’s an outlook on stress, pain, and opposition. When we put on the rose-tinted glasses of happiness we are able to see the world differently. And this makes all the difference.
2. Happy People Dispute and Test Their Beliefs
…But want to know the difference?
They do it for their own good.
In the book Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life, Martin E.P Seligman explains that happy and optimistic people constantly dispute and test their beliefs, especially about themselves.
For example,
If you were to fail at something once, you might jump to the conclusion that you are simply bad at it. But happy people do something differently. They challenge their thoughts. They ask themselves things like;
- Is this probable?
- Is it really all that bad?
- Is what I’m thinking useful? (and if it isn’t, they don’t dwell on it)
Instead of thinking a situation is permanent, the author recommends using something called the ABC technique instead, which turns pessimistic thinking into an optimistic outlook.
Basically you think of Adversity (or any negativity or challenge coming your way in life)
Then you consider your Beliefs about the challenge (how you are interpreting the negative event)
And then you think of the Consequence (or what result happened or will happen because of the adversity you experienced and your belief toward it)
Then you consider all the alternative meanings and reactions to the negative event. You dispute your current beliefs, giving yourself and others the benefit of the doubt, thinking in the most positive of terms possible. You think of a new ABC…
Did that person not text you back (adversity) because they hate you (belief) and now you feel sad (consequence)?
Or
Did that person not text you back (adversity) because they meant to respond but forgot (belief) or because they are trying to cut down on cell usage (belief) or because your text was so awesome that they have to think all day about the perfect response back (belief)?
We can never know the reasons someone does something, but we can know the meaning and reasons we give ourselves. We can create happy consequences and results with our positive beliefs.
“Nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning you give to it.” — Tony Robbins
Happiness is about meaning.
We can dispute and test our beliefs about ourselves until we have a outlook that will give us the meaning we deserve, the meaning we were meant for…
1. Happy People Take Cold Showers
…But want to know the difference?
They like it.
Tai Lopez often starts his day off with a cold shower, and recommends others do the same.
He employs the philosophy that too much pleasure in life is detrimental and that a cold shower not only has massive health benefits but can also help develop a well-needed sense of courage within us.
“Let me give you a practical way to grow your courage starting today. Do what I do. Borrow a page from Thomas Jefferson and the Sioux Indians and use cold water. Start taking COLD SHOWERS…The human body follows the ‘use it or lose it’ principle so you need to constantly stimulate this subgenual anterior cingulate cortex region in your brain. This plunge into cold water and the fear you overcome by enduring it is like doing ‘sit-ups’ for this part of your brain.” — Tai Lopez
I personally love a good warm shower, but I do find that if I turn the heat off just at the end of the shower, awakening my body with a splash of coldness, I feel more alert and more alive. I’m ready to seize the day. If I can conquer a cold shower I can conquer anything!
Happiness is more than just a fleeting feeling. It can be something that defines our outlook, even and especially in times of trial. It’s something we go out and seize.
I’m going to take the cold shower as a metaphor for any negativity in life. Embrace it. Beat it. Tell it that it is not boss, you are.
And if you find yourself in Hell…
Keep going!
Call To Action
Happiness is not something that merely comes to us, it’s something we must seek out and choose, especially in times of negativity. The strategies mentioned in the article are just a few ways to use negativity in a positive way.
I believe happiness is something we need to practice daily. It’s like a treasure we need to dig up and find.
But I believe we have all the tools and maps inside of us to find it, and its all in our outlook.
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