6 Things I Wish I Knew Before Becoming an “Adult”
Patience, time, love, happiness, connection, and movement, the keys to a better life.
This pandemic sent me into a state of depression for the first six months. I became impatient, unproductive, lost touch with friends, gained 25 pounds, and was generally unhappy. I found a therapist for the first time in my life.
Through this consistent emotional rollercoaster, I grew to understand myself on a deeper, healthier, and richer level. I came out the other side of this pandemonium a new me with a stronger sense of self and a big ol’ smile.
Now, I’ve been consistently happy every day for the past six months.
This is what I learned.
1. Patience is all about perspective
We all want to be more patient because patience reduces our anxiety about the future. It aids us in the ever-present quest to be more present. If we’re patient, our uncertain life feels so much more bearable.
So how do you become patient? You realize that patience is a complete perspective shift, not a lucky personality trait.
As a TV writer, I try to sell my scripts to networks and streaming services. My writing partner and my first-ever script (after working on it for 500+ hours) made it into the hands of a couple of producers who helped us pitch it to buyers (Netflix, Hulu, Cartoon Network, etc.). Our dreams could’ve come true at any moment. One week went by after pitching; I was optimistic and impatient. The second week went by; I was pessimistic and impatient. The third week went by; I was depressed and impatient. And the fourth week went by; I was apathetic and impatient. It was not until we got seven passes, and I felt depressed that I realized something: I need to calm down. This is all part of the process.
Those rejections were no signs that we wasted our time. The entire process of trying to sell our show has positioned us dramatically better for the next time we do it. And the next time, and the next, and the… let’s be honest, if we had created our own show at age 24, we would’ve been grossly underprepared for the responsibility of running a TV show.
Don’t do things with the expectation of them being your ticket to the success you crave.
Do things with the expectation that you will learn and grow no matter the outcome, and this growth is a necessary stepping stone for you to be ready for that next step. Trust that you won’t get where you want to go until you’re actually ready to be there.
2. Time can be bought
Time is the only truly limited resource, making it extremely valuable.
This notion of buying time is one that struck a chord with me as someone who loves to have far too many projects underway.
Buying a Roomba is a wonderful example of time-buying. You turn it on, it cleans your house, all while you work on other things! The most satisfying usage of my Roomba is turning it on and leaving the house to go see friends — now that’s efficiency.
Hiring people to help you with tasks you don’t love or to take some of the weight off your shoulders is another great example. I recently hired a marketing coordinator for my clothing brand even though it cuts into my profits and we’re a very small company. I’m someone who typically likes to “do everything myself,” so bringing someone on was a big moment for me.
The value of someone helping me and doing tasks that I don’t have time to do is far greater than the cost of hiring her. It frees me up to focus on other parts of the business that need attention, theoretically making the company more money in the long run.
Paying for things so that you can focus on the things that matter is, in my opinion, one of the best possible ways you can spend your money.
3. Chemistry is not the same as compatibility
You and that person have great chemistry, eh? Do you think you should go for it? Stop and think about that person as a partner.
Before I go into this, I’m discussing long-term committed relationships below.
We often confuse chemistry and compatibility. We think that our emotional or physical attraction to someone is enough to get past their shortcomings when it comes to being a partner. Unfortunately, that is the recipe for a toxic relationship 100% of the time.
If we ignore our compatibility with someone, we’re setting ourselves up to be in an imbalanced relationship where one or both parties periodically feel unloved or unappreciated for various reasons.
But you can’t have a romantic relationship without chemistry either. If all you have is compatibility without any chemistry, well, chances are you’ll simply be good pals but nothing romantic (which is fine, and they say it’s best to get married to your best friend anyway).
You need both in a healthy long-term committed relationship. You need to look at that person and feel that intangible feeling of joy, all while being able to effectively and respectfully communicate that the way they loaded the dishwasher was completely incorrect.
My Mom once asked me this question about my girlfriend: “Would you be proud to call her the mother of your child?” Regardless of whether you’re planning on having children (I’m not), the answer to this question might be eye-opening.
4. Don’t network — connect with people
We have normalized networking as the simple process of adding people’s emails to your Google Spreadsheet — this is all wrong. Would you rather help someone you like or who you only partially know?
You need to stop networking and start connecting. Only follow-up with the people you felt you had a particular bond with when you met them, and don’t ask for favors from people you hardly know. The only opportunities you’re going to see from networking are from the people who genuinely like you and think you’re talented.
That powerful venture capitalist is never going to help you if they don’t like you, sorry! When I realized this, I felt like a more authentic person as I met people.
Instead of trying to get something from someone, I highly recommend merely getting to know someone over the course of a few coffees throughout the year, and a business relationship will spark organically if there’s one there at all. They’re in the same boat as you: if they see that you could help them grow their business or expand their writer’s room or improve their office interior, it will certainly happen.
Stop adding folks to your Rolodex and start becoming actual friends with the people you meet. It’s your friends who will lift you up, not that powerful woman who you talked to one time about your business idea who doesn’t even remember your name.
5. Move more
It took me two decades to realize that walking wasn’t just something older people did because their bodies wouldn’t allow them to go to the gym. Walking daily is enough exercise to stay fit.
I always attributed vigorous exercise to fitness. And while vigorous exercise is awesome for many reasons, if your primary goal is merely to shed some weight and you can’t get yourself to hit the gym or go for runs consistently, do not fret.
Incredibly, simply moving around more throughout the day can burn 1,000 calories. And when it comes to weight loss, net calorie expenditure is all that matters.
Let me lay out a couple of different days for you.
Option A:
You go to the gym and do a hard 30-minute workout that combines anaerobic (resistance training) and aerobic exercise (cardio) ~400 calories burned (if you’re going extremely hard).
For the rest of the day, you sit at your desk and move around slightly to go to the bathroom or grab a snack ~100 calories burned.
Total active calories burned (this is on top of your resting metabolic calorie expenditure): ~500.
Option B:
You wake up and go for a 2-mile walk ~200 calories burned.
You have two hours’ worth of calls for work that you pace around your home during ~500 calories.
You clean your home for an hour ~150 calories.
You cook a yummy dinner ~100 calories.
Total active calories burned: ~950.
Don’t be fooled by the false sense of security that a good workout can give you. It is awesome for endurance and muscle growth and some calorie expenditure, but by intentionally moving more in general, you will likely stay leaner than if you are sedentary aside from a daily 30-minute workout.
6. Be happy now so your dreams can organically come true
Stop chasing that big dream of yours for a second and think about your current state of being. If you stayed in this state of life forever, would you be happy? If the answer is yes, then that is amazing, and congratulations on achieving happiness. If the answer is no, why not?
If your response is, well, I want to be a <insert flashy job title here> and I’m not, rethink what that dream will do to your happiness. We hear time and time again that wealthy and successful people are the most depressed.
Don’t confuse fulfillment with happiness.
I’d feel fulfilled if I became the Jordan Peele of Hollywood, but I’m happy right now. Happiness doesn’t come from success. It comes from feeling loved by those around you. It comes from making donuts with your wife or playing frisbee with your friends. It comes from positive memories with loved ones and the knowledge that there are many more to come.
Focus on being happy right now. It will relieve much of the pressure you feel to achieve those oh so lofty dreams (and keep you grounded when you get there).
Hopefully, at least one of these tips resonated with you and can help you skip some of the time I spent learning these things first-hand.
Never stop learning and growing.
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