From 0 to 2000 Miles
My friend used to live 100 yards away, now he’s across the country
My best friend once told me “it’s all bullshit”. He said this as we sat in those same chairs, in that same corner coffee shop, drinking the same coffee. I can’t remember exactly what he was referring to, and I think that’s because he literally meant “all” of it.
We grew up around the corner from each other. My mom walked me over to his house when I was about 2 after she found out another family had moved in with a boy the same age. We instantly became best friends. We attended the same elementary, middle and high school. We have been best friends for twenty years and counting.
After high school, my life immediately changed. I graduated, went to college and met a number of new people and made new friends. His journey was different. He was stuck in a limbo. While all his friends moved away, made new memories and found their path, he was home. He was living the same life, without all of his friends. In an incredibly selfish way, this worked well for me. See, whenever I would head back home for a break, he would be there. When I would head back to school I would have friends there as well. I really didn’t see his side right away. For me it was great.
Eventually, he joined the navy, moved to Florida and then San Diego. The time came where he wasn’t always there when I went back home. I was happy for him of course, but it definitely felt like some sort of dystopian world.
This past winter I had the honor of serving as best man at his wedding. I gave a speech I long knew was coming. Among the many stories I could tell, and the many I couldn’t, I knew it needed to be short and sweet.
My speech started something like this:
We have been friends for over twenty years
If I was being graded on my speech I think I would get full marks on hooking the audience. That’s because I’m 23. I’ll spare you the math, but that’s most of my life.
I’m sure many of you have grown distant from some of your friends. Friendship is a challenge, and sometimes a fight. Certainly, over 2000 miles and different time zones doesn’t help that.
At this tall, 100-year-old brick building stands a mound. A mound made of snow. On this snow mound are hundreds of elementary students running around until the bell rings. Among those hundreds are two, my friend and me.
Each winter the school district piles up the snow to let the students play on it, and each winter during my elementary years my friend and I could be seen on it.
During one of those years, on one particular day, it went from unbelievable fun to vicious fighting. Yes, between my friend and me. Now, I can’t tell you what the fight was about but I can tell you this wasn’t the only fight.
A lot of people probably haven’t fought their friends, but we were more like brothers. From ages 2 to 18 I don’t really have many memorable moments that he wasn’t also involved in. So understand my shock when I moved away from home, and then he moved across the country. Of course, we’ve kept in touch. But talking on the phone and face-timing every once an awhile is not the same. You cant make memories over the phone.
Of course, he would come back from time to time, but something weird would happen. Instead of having fun and hanging out we would usually get sick of each other. If I were to analyze why this would happen, which I did, I would argue that knowing we had minimal time together would lead us to try and hang out every minute possible. This would start around 8 am, getting some coffee and having a chat. This was great, and still remains one of our favorite things to do. The coffee wasn’t the issue. The struggle was found in what to do next. Rarely something spontaneous would come up. Most of the time we would try to recreate something that used to be fun and exciting, but it almost never reached the same levels.
It’s amazing how 20 years of friendship can get frozen. Literally, frozen. Each time we would meet up it was the same thing. Attempting to find joy in old memories just turned into sentimental conversations, wishing for the past. Not long after he moved away we realized that we could never really recreate these memories. We realized our friendship was stagnant.
The wedding couldn’t come soon enough. We rented an Airbnb in Chicago for the stag party, went to a couple bars, got some incredible barbeque and just hung out all night. It was an awesome night. I often joke with my friend telling him to get married again just to get all the guys together. It was new, and we made some memories.
If there is one lesson to be taught in this it’s that if you are lucky to have a childhood friend like me, it’s tough. You both will change, and life may send one of you to the other side of the country. Don’t recreate the things that you used to enjoy. Find time to make new memories, and sometimes just make sure you stay in touch.
