How Badly Do You Want It?
When was the last time you enthusiastically made plans to do something amazing, only to fall off the wagon after two days in?
This could be anything from starting a business, going to the gym, dieting, writing a book, or pursuing some aspect of self improvement.
I know that I’m guilty of quitting these types of pursuits at a far higher rate than I am at successfully executing them.
But these failures were not attributed to the fact that I “couldn’t” do certain things to achieve goals.
It’s that I wouldn’t do the things it took to achieve my goals and dreams.
Stephen Covey said:
When you make a commitment to yourself, do so with the clear understanding that you’re pledging your integrity.
When I first read this, I remember how hard it hit me, because I had never thought about goal setting as a commitment to myself. Covey goes on to say,
I’m convinced that we can write and live our own scripts more than most people will acknowledge. I also know the price that must be paid. It’s a real struggle to do it. It requires visualization and affirmation. It involves living a life of integrity, starting with making and keeping promises, until the whole human personality the senses, the thinking, the feeling, and the intuition are ultimately integrated and harmonized.
Read this line again: It involves living a life of integrity, starting with making and keeping promises — to yourself.
I am personally very good at keeping my promises and commitments to others, but absolutely horrendous at keeping promises and commitments to myself.
After realizing this, I had to take a few days of deep reflection to understand why I struggle to honor my own integrity.
I never came to a firm conclusion, until I read Principles by Ray Dalio. Dalio goes into extreme detail for how and why he’s accomplished what he has, and specifically speaks to the problem I was grappling with internally.
To put it simply, if you want to make a change in your life and/or pursue a goal, you need to align every choice you make to that end. You must be cognizant that all your choices, from waking up or hitting snooze in the morning with affect your future path.
For example, if you are on a diet, and 10 days in you are faced with the choice of eating a donut at work with coworkers or politely declining and opting for your carrot sticks or protein bar, your choice is not really about the food. The choice is between sticking to your commitment to yourself, because you are focused on the result of being healthier, or breaking the commitment to yourself because you are no longer committed to this goal or you simply never were.
Some people will read this and cry out, “but what about a healthy balance!” To which I will welcomingly put my arm around them and tell them I used to tout the exact same sentiment. The only place that got me, was to the land of excuses, where I used many to cheat on myself and violate my integrity and personal commitments.
There’s nothing wrong with you if you do eat the donut (I have eaten many donuts!), and get right back on your diet. Just realize, you’re telling yourself (consciously or subconsciously) that current you doesn’t truly care all that much for what future you wants.
(Granted — I do recognize that under some circumstances, our current mental health takes priority over future goals — but don’t let it become the easy excuse)
The things I had “decided” to do, I truly didn’t want to accomplish badly enough. I didn’t want to be fit and thin more than I wanted chocolate. I didn’t want to write 500 words a day more than I wanted to drown myself in Netflix. The list goes on.
Currently, I am in no way, shape, or form perfect at this practice yet. But I am practicing.
I am working to introduce small daily habits of choice. Where I choose a specific action, because I know it aligns with my future goals.
For example, I wake up every morning at 5:45am. I will not hit the snooze button. I am consciously choosing to not start my day with an excuse (i.e. “I’m too tired, 5 more minutes”). I don’t “have” to be into work until 8/8:30am, but I get in close to 6:30, because I know that my most productive hours of the day are from 6–11am. It also allows me time to journal for a few minutes each morning, to think and write about the day ahead, what I want and need to accomplish, and how I plan to do that. Every morning, I practice dreaming — and planning how to make those dreams come true.
At night, I make the very unpopular choice to go to bed between 9:30–10pm.
I’m 23. Almost no one my age, including most of my friends, go to bed at that time regularly. My nightly routine starts at 9, where I will journal and reflect on the days successes and failures, and review my top three priorities for the coming day. This keeps me focused on my goals more than anything. It’s a daily inventory on my progress, work, and choices. Then I meditate for a few minutes, and go to sleep.
(Note: your goals are probably not the same as mine — therefore your choices do not have to be anything like the ones I listed above, this just what I have found best support me)
Why do I do all this?
Well, because since I started these small habits, I rarely have restless nights or tired/groggy days. I’m more productive and efficient with my work time and leisure time. I have more time to devote to cultivating relationships with the people I care about. I’m happier too.
In short — I feel good.
These changes were not easy, and somedays they still aren’t easy. I don’t feel invigorated with energy every morning, and I don’t sleep soundly every night, but most days I do. My friends will often complain to me about my choice in bed time. Sometimes I miss out on late movies or game nights. But I always know why I am making that decision, and what the trade off is for, and because I know this my decisions rarely feel “hard.”
I finally know how and why I want it bad enough.
My actions are aligned with my goals.
In full, real change requires committed intent.
I’ve only just begun the process of shifting my mindset this way, and have seen numerous benefits already.
If you are wanting to achieve extraordinary things, you must make extraordinary choices, daily.
Commit to yourself today–commit to yourself in the future–and the path to achieving those goals will clear with every choice.
