How to Convince Your Parents to Let You Pursue Your Creative Passions
Tips to help you breach the gap and resolve your differences
Writing or any form of creativity isn’t considered a “job” in many parts of the world.
Especially in my world, it’s only considered a ‘hobby,’ which can be pursued when everyone is tucked away at night. If you tell someone you’re a writer, or a musician, or a photographer, the immediate question you’ll be asked is, “That’s okay. But what do you really do?”
With the stereotypes of desperate, starving artists raging around the world for generations, the first response I got from my parents when I told them I want to become a writer was laughter. Their first instinct seemed to have two parts. They thought it was another sporadic, unachievable dream of mine which would get dimmed within a few days. And then they thought I was joking — thus the laughter.
I took months even to make them realize that I was serious about my life and creative aspirations. And that I was not having a random tantrum.
We all expect and yearn for our parent’s approval. As a 24-year-old “child,” I still do, by the looks of it.
Convincing your parents to approve of your career choices can be hard. If at all you’re seeking approval. Sometimes, you and your parents might also find yourselves on the opposite ends of the spectrum, drifting apart unknowingly. Thus, causing unwanted cracks in your relationship that can be avoided. But the below tips can help you bridge this gap and resolve your differences.
1. Work on your passion project for at least six months before going to them
This step is to prove to yourself and them that you’re not in this for the short term, nor do you make rash decisions (like leaving your full-time job) without thinking things through. Once you’ve done it, they’ll at least know that you’re somewhat serious about what you’re doing.
Trust me. I made that mistake. 2 months after I started writing, I announced to my family that I’m leaving the job to become a full-time writer. When I was hardly earning $20 per month. Yeah, that road didn’t go well.
If your “passion” fizzles out before six months, you are unlikely to pursue it in the long run, so you don’t have to go to them at all.
2. Make a list of all the questions they can possibly ask you
This is the most crucial step of all.
Picture the conversation in your head. When you approach them with your decision, how do you think they would react? What are the questions they’ll ask? What would be their concerns?
Write all of them down. Plan all the possible scenarios, and write the answers down. Do they make sense to you?
Mind you. If they don’t make sense to you, then it means you’re not convinced enough yourself. It doesn’t really make sense to approach them then because you’re not sure of what you want to do. Be truthful to yourself. That’s when you can convince them.
This step will also help you practice pitching to others. If you can’t convince your parents themselves, how can you convince/sell your product or service to others?
Some of the questions my parents asked were:
- What’s your plan going forward? Do you at least have a one-year plan?
- How are you going to manage your finances?
- How much money would you need to invest in starting your career? Further studies, courses, website…so on and so forth.
- Did you discuss it with your partner?
- How many writers have you reached out to? Have you asked them what this career entails? We want you to do your research when you take the plunge.
Only you would know your parents. But the most common questions I assume would be the finances and one-year plans. So have that sorted before you approach them.
3. Understand their fears
I used to be a rebel and consider my parents as enemies who don’t want me to achieve my dreams. Yeah…I can go a little extreme sometimes.
But then, when I had logical, heart-to-heart conversations with my mother, I realized that her fears were not wrong. Apparently, during college, I had suddenly come up with extremely vague career paths such as food journalist, librarian, etc. Vague because it was sudden, I was not serious, and I did not have any plan.
Those “dreams” fell off the wagon in a couple of days too. I was always known to be impulsive, so my mother did not want me to take huge, impulsive risks with my career too.
Moreover, she knew that one of my life goals has been to be financially independent. So when I do switch to writing, my income would take a hit, which she feared would give me ego issues. And thinking about it later, I realized there is a high probability of that happening.
Your parents know you better than you do yourself sometimes. So listen to them. Understand their fears and consider their points. Don’t turn on your defensive mode immediately and shoot back. They only wish you good.
4. Please show them your world
One major reason many parents are against creative careers is because they have no idea about that world or what it entails. They’re only aware of the stereotypes that surround such careers. And of course, most of them aren’t great.
For example, When my friend told his parents that he wanted to become an actor, the immediate response was, “Please don’t get into drugs.” Looking back, we laughed about it, but then their fears were legit!
In my case, I had to sit down and explain the career options which come with writing, invite them into my world, hold their hand and make them familiar enough for them to believe that I can sustain here, provided I put enough effort into it.
5. Make them understand that you’re an adult now
As far as I know, for our parents, we will always be their kids, regardless of our age.
But especially in our 20s, they’re much more protective of us. We would have just left the nest, and they’ll make sure to watch over us like any other over-protective parents. They’ll have their own fears about our failures and successes. And while they won’t exactly show you up front, they do care a lot.
Thus it becomes our responsibility to prove to them that they can trust us to make our own decisions. That we are capable of standing on our own, so they can breathe a sigh of relief.
Mind you, proving to them that you’re an adult means you have to become responsible. Take part in managing the finances, especially your own taxes, show them a consistent income, do chores around the house not because they asked you to help them but because you wanted to do it—every small thing matters.
Make sure you don’t do all these just to get their approval. This needs to be a personality change and not a temporary characteristic change. And when they gain that trust, the process of convincing them will become infinitesimally easier.
Why do we need to discuss our careers with our parents and convince them for the same?
Good question. One, they’re family and will always wish the best for you (in most cases). Second, you get to channel the innumerous experience that you have at home. Get a different perspective. Your parents would also have crossed their 20s like you, and they would have taken risks, fallen down, and risen from their mistakes. Now, when you’re taking the leap, they can advise you on the highs and lows of life for you to use as you move forward.
Most importantly, they’ll be one of the few people in life who will hold and support you when you fall. They might say, “I told you so,” but they would still hold you.
I’m a Travel and Social Issues Writer looking to inspire people through my words. Join my email list if you want to read more insightful photo essays, adventures of my life, and opinionated pieces. Also, you can check out my visual work here.
