I Don’t Understand What I Want 95% Of The Time

I’ve been going wild on the first-person stories lately. Whatever.

The truth is I always get better traction with these ones, and they’re oddly the ones I like writing the most! Probably because they’re about me.

So I watched La La Land yesterday, and had an epiphany in the process. Throughout the movie these characters kind of stumble about attempting to make a go of life in Los Angeles. Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling each have their own arc, but the important thing is they fall in love with each other.

It’s the kind of deep, burning, dance-and-song-filled passion we only read about in the movies. Wait, that last sentence wasn’t right on so many levels.

It got me thinking about my love life, which is nonexistant.

My love life doesn’t exist but it’s something I want badly to exist — depending on the day. Sometimes I’m happy alone and sometimes I just want to break down and cry at the loneliness. Real talk. I’m a man.

Anyway, La La Land is a musical. In one of the scenes, Emma Stone sings these wonderful lyrics:

I connected with these lyrics so much because I feel like a foolish dreamer myself. I can’t speak for everyone, but I think my creativity has positives and negatives. The positives are seeing things for how they could be.

The negatives are getting influenced on a whim by every fleeting feeling that comes over my body.

The problem is I want to do so many things. The tragedy is that I don’t know which one to pursue. Should I pursue a girl? Should I travel while I’m young? What the heck should I do, anyway?

There’s so many decisions to be made, and I think this is something many millennials feel after escaping the clutches of classes, papers, and GPA’s.

So, how do you make decisions? More importantly, how can I advise you when I don’t know what I’m doing 95% of the time?

Well, the truth is we’ll never fully know what we’re doing. That’s what makes life interesting and fun. There are decisions to be made, and each choice has an upside.

Here comes a curveball.

In the end I don’t think it’s about the decisions. In fact, I’ve found that decisions are easier to go back on than we think.

In the end it’s what we learn from our decisions. Like a dog eating little pieces of steak at the dinner table, we’re just taking in little bites at a time, and learning more about ourselves in the process.

As you listen, and make more decisions, you’ll get better at them. You’ll deliberate for a bit but the truth will bubble to the surface in time.

It’s a bit complicated, but just remember this: Like all things in life, we get better at decision-making the more we do it.

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Tom Kuegler

Travel blogger. 29 years old. Currently in Mexico. Get my free 5-day Medium course via email → https://bit.ly/35yyIIu