I Regret Moving to New York City After College

Here is why and what I would have done differently.

Photo: Fezbot2000/Unsplash

Graduation caps soared through the air, dancing among the breeze. I painted the next image dozens of times in my head over the last several months. In a few weeks I would join the ranks of the Carrie Bradshaws of the world, flirting my way through the luminous streets of New York City. Unstoppable. Relentless. Unbothered.

But as the graduation caps began their descent, they no longer looked to their smiling holder. Soon they would each take their landing among the bottom ranks of corporate America, alongside mine.

I landed on Wall Street — specifically, in a lucrative career of Investment Banking. I hated it. I pulled 100+ hour work weeks. I hardly ever saw my friends. I was crushed beneath multiple mental breakdowns.

However, each time I considered quitting I couldn’t stop thinking of my rent, my student loans, or the other hundreds upon thousands of dollars I was expected to spend each month to maintain my livelihood in New York City.

It’s no secret that New York is among one of the most expensive cities in the United States. According to PayScale, New York’s cost of living is 129% higher than the national average with housing expenses being 369% higher than the national average. But, as the new Wolf of Wall Street, I felt invincible.

The reality is that I had no idea what I was up against. The immense pressure of the City coupled with the psychological impact took a strong hold of me. The wolf had become a lamb.

By no means am I stating that New York City was all bad. However, had I known the following things I would have thought more about my decision to move to the City for my first job out of college:

1. The Pressure to Maintain a Fast-Paced Job — Lest You Miss That Next Rent Payment: “The City That Never Sleeps” has more than one meaning. It’s not just about the twinkling lights and the 4 A.M. bar crawls. It’s about the countless hours working you may have to endure, just to make a decent living. But whenever I felt a fiery urge to leave my demanding and high-pressure position, I soon realized I had no way out. I had thousands of dollars in student loans with payments high enough to buy myself a new computer every month. I had a one year lease that could only be dissolved by paying several months upfront. I had to maintain the lights, the water, and the heat. I eventually sat in front of my computer to lay out every expense I would need to cover if I were to leave my job. Once I saw the number laid before me, my anxiety gave in. I knew that there was no way I could leave my current position, unless I could somehow reduce those expenses.
2. Your Support System is Scattered: Many of my college friends moved to New York post graduation. However, hardly anyone moved into the same neighborhoods. I had friends in the Upper East Side, Long Island City, the Financial District, Williamsburg, the Lower East Side, and even parts of New Jersey and Westchester. At times, it could take as long as 30 minutes to an hour to commute over to a convenient location where you could get together for coffee, drinks, or dinner. Naturally, this caused a number of my friendships to drift apart. This can be painful for anyone, but for those in all encompassing careers it can add additional pressures in trying to maintain friendships and also find people who you can lean on in your times of need.
3. Buying a Future Home Seems Impossible: One of the reasons I was so excited to enter a high-paying career is that it made a lifelong dream of eventually owning a home seem that much more attainable. Growing up in an immigrant family, homeownership always seemed like the capstone of the American dream — if you own a place, you’ve made it. So if you’re like me, you may have also spent an embarrassing number of hours looking through homes on Zillow.com. However, those dream clouds felt waved away when I saw the median home value in New York City (all 5 boroughs, not just Manhattan) was approximately $650,000, according to Zillow. Even more affordable opportunities would still require a six-figure income. Based on a study by HSH, you would need to earn an annual salary of $101,997.84 to afford the principal, interest, taxes, and insurance on any home in the area. Meanwhile, only about 30% of households within city limits meet this income requirement. Even if you do, then comes the internal question — could I promise a bank to make this amount yearly for the next 15, 20, or 30 years?

For those that consider moving to New York City after graduation, here is what I would recommend:

1. Really Know the Career You’re Stepping Into — I chose a career for the glitz and the glam and when it did not live up to the expectation, I felt that New York City exacerbated my situation by adding on overwhelming financial pressures. If I could talk to my old self, I would have asked to think more thoroughly about the career I was about to take on. I would have also recommended that I reach out to a few people who were no more than two years older and had a similar job to ask for their professional and personal experience of working in the city.
2. Begin by Underliving Your Means — I treated the “30% rule” as a goal rather than a limit of how much rent I could afford in New York. So, I got the apartment with the dishwasher, the washer-dryer, and the 13-month lease. As someone who was unsure about her career, I wish I had considered living below my means until I was certain about staying in my career or in the city. I could have moved to a more affordable neighborhood or a building with fewer amenities. Additionally, I could have considered living with more people in a larger apartment to split the cost of living—even split 4-ways, four-bedroom apartments are generally cheaper than their two-bedroom equivalents. There are many websites that can help you find the right apartment and roommates for your needs.
3. Set Boundaries at Work — During my first year, I threw 110% of myself into every project, lost more hours of sleep than was necessary, and gained a couple of white hairs. I felt it was making a great difference but when the bonus hit I knew it wasn’t worth it. My happiest of times was when I decided to turn off my work notifications from my cellphone and promised myself to take a day to myself on the weekends. I could finally read, write, and spend time with the people I love most in the world. I found my sanity.
4. Coordinate Lodging With Multiple Friends — I feel extremely lucky that my best friend moved to New York with me. However, a year later he decided to move across the country to pursue his passion. As I watched him leave, I realized I heavily depended on his support. At that point, most of my friends lived too far for a quick catch up and planning to meet had to occur days or even weeks in advance. Rather than moving with my best friend to the most convenient place for us, I would’ve recommended that my former self coordinate with a larger group of friends — either living together or staying within nearby neighborhoods. Plus, having friends nearby makes it that much easier to invite people over rather than going out for meals or drinks, which adds up.
5. Consider Joining a Club — Not all of us have the privilege of having friends who are planning to move to the city together. Or maybe you would simply like to expand the number of friends you do have close by. I believe finding a club, whether it be a sports league, a book club, or political organization, could be a good way to create a new support system. There are a number of Facebook groups and organizations on the New York City Service website that could help you find the right place for you.

I may regret my move, but I will never regret the things I learned from this journey. If this piece finds itself to you, I hope it has given you something to think about if you’re considering moving to New York — or any other large and expensive city — post graduation.

Get the Mini Post-Grad Survival Guide

A 5-day email course with amazing tips on budgeting, investing, and productivity for 20-somethings. Learn how to spend $40 per week on groceries, among other things, by signing up for free.