I’m Actually Fine With Regretting It

Tom Kuegler
Jul 10, 2017 · 3 min read

Do you ever have made-up conversations between yourself and other people in your head? I’m not crazy by the way, authors do this all the time when they’re writing out dialogue for their characters.

That’s beside the point

The other day I had a made-up conversation with my Mom. I wondered what she would say if I started talking about an old friend of mine I don’t talk to anymore.

First I thought up her response, then my response, then my response to that.

Finally we got to a point where she told me I would regret not seeing this person anymore.

“I’m fine with regretting it!”

I screamed.

Then I snapped back to reality and realized I was still in my living room with a thick layer of glaze over my eyes having a made-up conversation in my mind.

Oh, the humanity.

Then I realized how profound that statement really was.

I’ve never heard someone say they’re okay with regretting it. Most times regret seems like our biggest enemy.

“I won’t cross that line.”

We seem to say. If we might regret it, it’s time to change course and become the “bigger person.”

Not this time.

I’m okay with regretting it.

I have enough regrets as it is, what’s one more at the top of the ever-growing pile? At least I got to choose it would be there this time.

Relationships are so difficult. After being graduated for two years I’ve come to realize that. We ease our way into the “real world” and with each step our relationships seem to fall apart.

As we get older it just seems we become more alone.

Now I see why all my friends are in such a hurry to get married.

“I’m fine with regretting it,” marks a significant departure from the sermons on relationships I used to preach here on the Guide.

My Mom told me two years ago relationships are more difficult than I could imagine.

I didn’t listen.

I continued to put significant amounts of trust in my friends, betting on the fact that our bonds would only strengthen. Now all that seems to happen is me getting hurt.

I’m only 24 realizing this.

My gosh.

By the time I’m 30 I’ll be like those decrepit old ladies who live cooped up in their houses hating everybody.

The Post-Grad Survival Guide has been a lot of things in its nine-month life, but I never expected it would become a record of all the ways I’ve changed as a human being over this same period.

Most times people won’t give back what you put in.

Most times people will be ungrateful for what you do.

And vice-versa too, I’m not shedding my hands of the guilt.

Hopefully one day I can restore some of my faith in humanity, but today all I feel is a little heartbroken.

The Post-Grad Survival Guide

We're confused twenty-somethings. We dish on our post-grad blues, successes, failures, and everyday life right here. Featuring topics related to work, relationships, travel, finances, and so much more.

Tom Kuegler

Written by

Vlogger. Travel blogger. 26 years old. Currently in Southeast Asia. Get my free 5-day Medium course via email → http://bit.ly/2olDN4V

The Post-Grad Survival Guide

We're confused twenty-somethings. We dish on our post-grad blues, successes, failures, and everyday life right here. Featuring topics related to work, relationships, travel, finances, and so much more.

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