I’m Running Out Of Time To Live The Life That I Want

I watched my sister get married two weeks ago.
The people I talk to tell me their life’s timelines like it’s a class project. Dating by 26. Engaged by 29. Married by 30.
Don’t even get me started on what’s after that.
I’m turning 25 in eight months and I’m starting to get a little scared.
With the way these years have been flying past me I feel like I’ll turn around and be 30 pretty soon.
For the longest time I wanted to work remotely for months while learning French in Paris or something like that, but now I’m not so certain.
I feel my original plans aren’t panning out as fast as I thought.
You could tell me I have time and that I’m not even 25 yet and blah blah blah, but the fact is these years are really starting to escape me.
Don’t get sad reading this. I don’t mean to bring you down. After all, most of the stuff I publish on here is meant to lift you up.
But I’m at a bit of a crossroads here, guys.
Many of the friendships I held so dear in recent years have fallen apart recently. Three months from now will mark my one-year anniversary of coming back to live at home with my parents.
I thought I had big plans to travel, but none of that is working out at the moment.
I just don’t know where my life is going.
I feel like I’m chasing a carrot on a string that just keeps getting farther and farther away.
Do you feel that way, too?
Freelancing has exhausted me.
Many of my friends have abandoned me.
My life has become stagnant once again.
I write this because I want you to know I’m right there with you.
Sometimes I get so caught up reading the giants of Medium who have hundreds of thousands of followers and have it all together.
It’s impossible for me to fully connect with them because they are where I want to be.
Just know that I’m right there with you.
The reason I write here every day is because I’m still in the trenches fighting for my life.
I haven’t conquered this post-grad thing just yet either.
I hope you find a bit of encouragement in that fact.
This doesn’t mean I’ll stop fighting. I’m still optimistic for my future, but I’m just a little uncertain as to how I’ll get there at this point in time.
“Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

