Is it Really Selfish to Make Yourself a Priority?
I have lived most of life under the assumption that a real man puts others before himself — that success and good things happen to those who always, and relentlessly “do the right thing” — that I will live a good life if I put the needs of others ahead of my own.
Why have I thought this? Well, is this not what conventional wisdom typically tells us?
In the Bible, it quite literally states “Instead of being motivated by selfish ambition or vanity, each of you should, in humility, be moved to treat one another as more important than yourself.”
We are taught time and time again to be caregivers, to take care of ourselves, only once we have made everyone else happy. We hold on to this skewed idea that it is selfish to do things for ourselves, to prioritize our own needs.
But please, don’t misinterpret what I’m saying. I certainly understand, as well as support the philosophy behind this. The world could use more altruism. We should always make room for those who have a genuine, and authentic concern for the well-being of others (especially in times like these).
Yet, it is this way of thinking that can lead to martyrdom and sometimes leave us “caregivers” with feelings of inadequacy, insecurity and resentment.
We operate under the assumption that if we give and give and give that it will come back to us in wonderful and fulfilling ways, and life will be all sunshine and dandelions.
But let’s be honest with ourselves, is that how it really works?
Why? Because there’s something missing in all of this — OUR OWN NEEDS.
Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase “You can’t pour from an empty cup, take care of yourself first.”
After-all, if we aren’t making ourselves and our needs a priority, what kind of message are we sending to our subconscious? That our needs aren’t as important? That they should take a back seat to everyone else’s?
Consider what this might do to our self-esteem. I certainly know the effect its had on mine.
On a similar note, what kind of message does this send to the people in our lives and our romantic partners? If you are constantly putting someone else’s needs above your own, this might cause others to depreciate you, or lose some respect for you.
Why? Because respect comes from the idea that you have your own hopes, dreams and goals.
This is something I’ve struggled with, as it’s in my nature to want to give myself completely to others, especially my romantic partners. I tend to be one of those people that takes on the burdens of others.
Yet, when I take a step back and consider this, being more skilled at taking care of myself may actually increase my capacity to care for others.
The beautiful thing is — that in meeting our own needs — we become more capable to meet the needs of those around us. As we take care of ourselves and fill ourselves up, we become more eager to share that feeling and try to pass it on to others.
