I’ve Lost Hope After College, But That’s Okay

*DISCLOSURE*

I wrote this last Friday night. When I woke up Saturday morning, something happened that changed everything for me — and I mean it!

I’ll talk more about it tomorrow. For now, let’s get to my words.

I used to be the guy that looked at life with so much hope.

I was excited for what was to come. I looked down new alleyways and drove to the ends of new roads with excitement. What lay hidden there?

What was it that I was missing in this life?

“So much of life is a mystery, my boy. We know so little of this world. But you and I have made a journey that other men cannot even imagine, and it has given an understanding to our hearts.”

— Lost City of Z

I forged ahead just to see.

I left college on a whim to do an 8-month internship at Disney. I went on a 4-month cross-country road trip with no plan to return.

I lost so much on the way.

I lost a girl I thought I’d marry. I misplaced a couple best friends on the road to exploration.

In return I received a head full of memories and a hell of a story to tell, but here I sit alone writing this to you.

I’ve lost hope.

What has it amounted to?

I sit here just as confused as when I started. All the while I’m wasting time chasing what seems like a mirage now.

When I started out as a blogger two years ago I thought I’d be somewhere now. So many of my friends began this journey only to quit one month in. Some continued, but noticeably lost their vigor.

One by one they fell victim to the hardships, and here I am standing alone in the jungle, wondering if I’ll be the next to collapse.

I’ll never stop writing, I love it way too much, but I wonder if what I’m chasing actually is a mirage. I wish to employ myself full-time in this venture, not just as a passion project. I wonder if I’ll ever make it.

I’ve been on this road for so long and it only seems to stretch farther and farther into the distance the farther I go.

Is this how you feel?

Who have you lost? Where did you think you would be right now two years ago? Are you impressed with what you’ve accomplished?

If you said no, then look right beside you; I’m standing there with you.

Writing is hard. Life is hard. Trying to do your own thing is hard. There’s a myriad of people coming and going — rushing right past you — only stopping when something is in it for them.

Then they’re off again.

Such a confusing time.

Who do you trust?

I think that’s why so many people become a shell of themselves. They can’t trust anymore. All the goodness leaves them because they’ve been screwed over too many times. People did them wrong. Life did them wrong.

And now they’re broken.

As I write this I realize I can’t be this way. I literally just realized that as I typed those words.

People fail because they allow life to pound them into the pavement. They give up on humanity because it hasn’t done anything for them.

I used to think you’d be successful at life if you found a handful of legitimate friends.

Now I think you’re successful if you find just one.

Getting older means taking hits. No amount of blog posts can prepare you for these hits. They’ll come out of nowhere. Your most trusted friends will leave you. You’ll get nasty comments from strangers on the internet. Your job will suck.

Everyone we will lose hope at some point.

But only a select few will re-gain it.

I’m game to try if you are.

Who’s with me?

Tom is a full-time Digital Nomad who makes ends meet by freelance writing. If you want to learn more about his lifestyle, get his ebook “You Work Where?

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