The Misconception That Your Job Defines Who You Are
You are more than what you do for money.
There’s always one question people never fail to ask.
“So what do you do?”
Most of the time they are not asking about your hobbies or what you like to do during your free time. They are explicitly asking what you do to earn money. Don’t get me wrong; I am guilty of doing this too. It’s a curiosity that has become second nature in us because money controls so much of our life choices.
While it seems like an innocent question, some people use your response to evaluate your worth. They will not hesitate to show acceptance or disapproval depending on if your answer satisfies their expectations. A socially accepted answer would be along the lines of “I work a 9–5 with benefits and a 401k.” But if you don’t give them the answer they are looking for, you are met with an “oh” or “you should apply for this type of job instead” or “worry about what you really want to do later on, not now” response. I mean, really?
In a country that prioritizes work over a healthy work-life balance, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Earning a high salary does not automatically make someone’s value higher than anyone else. Sure it does monetarily, but that’s about it.
When we believe what we do for money says something about who we are, our identity starts to merge with our work.
Many of us struggle to figure out what we want and who we are when we make our job our whole identity. But you are much more than what you do to earn money.
We don’t all have the same starting line
Just because someone has a high-paying job doesn’t mean they should be more valued than those who don’t. They could’ve grown up with more advantages than others. Maybe these advantages allowed them to go to college and build a network. Yes, people get their jobs through hard work, but we can’t deny that some get a job through their connections. We all have to earn money, but we don’t all begin at the same starting line. All stages and all paths of life should be valued even if it doesn’t fit the standards society sets up for us.
To value someone with a higher salary more than someone who has a lower salary says more about you than it does about them.
Don’t let people make you feel ashamed about your job
I used to hate it when people asked me what I did for a living. The judgment in their eyes and the tone in their voice pierced into me every time. I would always hesitate before telling someone I was unemployed or had a minimum wage job after graduating college. I didn’t like their unsolicited suggestions about what I should do instead. It was always so off-putting.
But then I remind myself that we are each on our own path. You can’t satisfy everyone. They may not agree or understand why you are on your current path, and that’s okay. As long as it works for you and you are doing the best you can, don’t let the opinions of others make you question your life choices. After all, you are the one who will be living with those choices, not them.
Why it’s important to build a life outside of work
With any job, it’s so easy to come home and relax after a hard day at work. When our days off come around, it’s filled with chores, errands, and rest. We almost have no time to ourselves. It becomes easy for us to create an identity solely on work.
But it doesn’t have to be like that. Find a hobby. Work a side hustle you are passionate about. Find something that makes you feel alive. What gets you up in the morning on your days off that makes you feel energized and ready to take on the day? It’s the joys you find during your days off that will make it easier to have a healthy work-life balance, so you don’t burn out.
It’s great if you love your job, but it’s also okay if you don’t
A job should not be your sole identity, even if you are doing something you are passionate about. Work whatever job you can get or whatever job you want. But it does not define who you are as a person. It’s what you do, not who you are.
If you love what you do, then amazing. If you don’t, that’s okay too. The truth is not everyone gets to work their dream job. If we did, our world would not function. No one would want to do the essential, difficult work. Since this is an unfortunate reality for many of us, we must learn to divide our work and personal life. You are not your job. You are what you do when you aren’t working.
So if you are feeling unfulfilled with your current job, you are not alone. Maybe you just have to take on a new perspective. Your job provides you money which allows you to live the life you want when you aren’t at work. There are many ways you can seek fulfillment outside of your job.
And if you have a dream job in mind, take steps towards getting there, even if it’s baby steps. It doesn’t have to happen overnight. And you won’t be stuck at a job you hate forever. Nothing is permanent.
People will always have their opinions about the way you live your life. But it isn’t your responsibility to meet their expectations. While people think your career choice dictates your worth, they couldn’t be more wrong.
You are not your job. You are the person you are outside of work. Don’t let others convince you otherwise. Your value can’t be measured by anyone but you, and your job doesn’t have to define who you are.
Jobs can take your energy and mental health for granted. Don’t let it take away your identity too.
