The Worst (Best) Question to Ask A Recent College Graduate

If you’re in the final semester of your college experience, I can guarantee that you will hear this question at least once from every person you talk to for the next four months.

I only know this because I heard it repeatedly before and after I graduated.

Some people go to straight to grad school after graduation, some go to Europe, some go on a road trip, and some go to their parent’s basement.

All of these people, at some point, are asked by loved ones, friends, colleagues, and strangers,

“Congrats on graduating! But, what’s next?”

I don’t believe that this is an easy question for anyone to answer, not even the kids who have already been accepted to grad programs or med schools.

Because truth is, whether you’ve got committed plans or not after graduation, leaving school is scary as all hell.

For four years, and I would even stretch it to encompass K-12 schooling for myself–so for almost 16 years, I’ve always know what every year would looked like before it started.

It followed a very repetitive, and therefore comforting, format. In August we start school. We get a few long weekend breaks, a fall break in October, followed by a three day break for Thanksgiving, and then 2–4 weeks off for Christmas. In January the new year starts, and we go back to school a week or two after. Add in some scattered Monday holidays, a week for spring break and some more long weekends, and the school year ends in May or June. Cue the three months of freedom for sunshine and vacations and an attitude reckless abandon for eating ice cream.

For 16 years in a row my life looked like this.

Then one day I’m asked by a random customer in the Apple Store, “Congrats on graduating! But what’s next?”

Gee Sharon. That’s a great question.

I don’t have to technically go do more school, depending on my values and goals. But school is all I’ve ever known. It feels safe and consistent.

It’s like the perfectly nice person we all friend zoned in high school because they were so reliable but definitely lacked the exciting attraction we saw in the movies.

When I answered this question, 80% of the time I would lie, and describe some elaborate 5 year plan with a high-level goal of climbing some elusive ladder to success. 20% of the time I would just tell the truth and say,

“I don’t know yet…”

Why did I feel shame in my honest answer? Why did I lie?

Because not knowing what I was doing moving forward with my life for the first time, genuinely scared me.

Great news is 9 months later I (think I) have it figured out. But in all honesty, everyday I’m still “figuring it out.”

I have a better answer now, and I’m glad I took my sweet time finding it, and didn’t lie to myself about fake plans — even though I fibbed to a fair amount of strangers.

Here’s the deal people. The only person, and let me repeat it–the only person–you owe a truthful answer to is yourself. Even if the honest answer is “I don’t know.”

Graduating from college, not knowing where I would go next, taught me to lean in to the discomfort of the unknown and explore the possibilities. For me this meant reaching out to a lot of people I knew, and people they knew, to ask about their path and experience and wisdom. It meant a lot of fun lunches and dinners where I learned so much from people who’ve walked the walk I was considering. It meant long hours of silent and private reflection. It meant writing lists of my strengths and weaknesses. It meant trying to learn new skills and dipping my toes into completely foreign fields of study (for me, this was coding, economics, creative writing, investing, and now…the LSAT).

My point is this:

Not knowing, was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

Being scared for awhile, was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

So if you are a couple months away from graduating, or a few years post-graduating, and you feel the same way, I’m here to tell you it’s okay.

You will figure it out.

You will also discover more about yourself, your interests, and your character than you ever knew before.

This will all serve you well when you decide what next steps you are taking in life.

Take a deep breath, smile, and lean into the discomfort of not knowing.

You’ll know soon enough.