You Will Find “the One” When You Stop Looking (& Other BS I Was Told in My 20s)

What people really mean when they say this to you.

Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes on Unsplash

I really hate oft repeated advice. Because if advice is repeated enough, then people think it’s a band-aid they can slap on any situation without analyzing the situation.

Pop psychology band-aid = not useful.

Also not useful: when people tell you that your significant other to end all others — “the one” — will show up when you stop looking for them.

It was so frequently repeated that I figured I should give it a try.

So I stopped looking for most of my twenties. I hadn’t really been looking very hard to begin with. I wasn’t someone who saw herself on the dating express train, destination marriage! So slowing my roll wasn’t difficult.

I stopped looking. I decided to let things be. To focus on myself. To be selfish in a way I knew would be hard with a spouse and family — to go to grad school and start a small business.

I was thrilled with the things I accomplished and I don’t regret how I spent the time, but let me be absolutely clear: no significant other magically appeared. And I’ve seen absolutely no one take a break from dating only to end up with “the one.”