What The Hell Does Love Have To Do With It?
What I’ve learned from love.
So even I have stress surrounding this very subject.What does “Love” really do to people? Consistently, whether is is about our long time partner or someone we like to squish with on the side, we all worry about what does the future hold for the us and the one that we love. Is there really a one and only?
I Was Sucked In Once
I felt the urge since I was young, impressionable girl and still playing with my barbies ( so basically like the first 10 years of my life…) that there was only one person made for me and vice versa. He was going to be smart, gorgeous, funny and love me so much he would explode. He was going to love every single No Doubt song like me and love to dance at every party imaginable. I was pretty set on these consistent features… not bad for such a little kid.
Then it sank in sometime in middle school that that was not how it rolled at all. Boys were smelly, rude and so irresistible for some odd reason. I think my first major crush was a boy named Dylan*. He was painfully shy, adorable, and smelled perpetually of hockey gear. He was the ONE. I knew the moment I laid eyes on him that he was the Ken to my Barbie. I contended back then that he sorta felt something back for me… the signs were all there. Why else would he join a elementary school dance team with how shy he was? He knew that I LOVED TO DANCE. Why else would he ride his bike in front of my friends house that I practically spent all my weekends at? Long story short, when it came time for him to confess his love in front of my tormentors and his friends… he backed down and told everyone he couldn’t like me back. UGH. That was the beginning of the end. I was the freaky nerdy girl that drew hearts around his name.
First Comes Love, Then Comes High School Lessons
When I was growing more and more into my self and I finally got out of braces something happened to me. I had my first serious boyfriend. He was everything I thought I wanted. Blonde, blue-eyed, intelligent and fun loving. He taught me one of the most important lessons: the importance of self worth and there is a light at the end of the tunnel of love.
He was the boy I always wanted and held out for. I again contended that he was into me as much as I was into him. Turns out I was something he was starting to like, but every day he was pining for my best friend this whole time. Go figure… One school trip overseas that I couldn’t go on and they were “together” and I was left in the dust to lose my best girlfriend and my boyfriend altogether. I learned something very important that day. Even if we are lost and in love with someone that we feel is perfect for us and they cheat or even lose sight of your importance, you need to move on and let go. Trust that life has other plans for you.
There will be others
I had other boyfriends and loves throughout high school and college and even now after my college life is over (I work every solitary day of my life, but hey I found someone). I’ve messed up quite a few times and I know that I’m guaranteed to make a couple dozen more at the very least, but I am appreciative of the lessons that every person I’ve ever loved or liked has taught me. I know now that there is not just one man for me. Clearly… looking back at my 10 year old self and even up into my early adult years (ok.. So I’m only 24, but I’ve had a change of heart) I see the error of those particular thoughts. I am thankful for all the broken hearts, stubborn fights, love notes, and heartfelt talks that I’ve had. My latest partner pointed out this very thought in the very fresh beginning of our relationship. He contended that there truly isn’t one person made for us. That there are many people that are made for the particular person that you are. You may or may not meet a lot of them, but when you find the person you want to be with and fits you well then that is all that truly matters in the end.
When he told me I felt like his idea of love was somehow cheapened with regret, some terrible girlfriend or even that he was just one of “those guys”. What was I thinking getting involved with a guy that didn’t speak my same love language. But then in the year or so I’ve had time to continue to see this relationship through I learned something else from yet another partner. All this time I thought I was the optimistic and loving partner, when in reality he wasn’t far from both either. He taught me that love comes in many forms, and can fit the mold differently for people. He wasn’t what I saw for myself, but right now he was exactly what I needed. He challenges me to see love, life and the world differently. He made me take my blinders off and move forward.
No longer living in the shadows of Barbie and Ken
I’ve learned that maybe my childhood ideas of love aren’t completely silly. You should never settle for anything less than what you deserve, but you should also keep your eyes and heart open for something that you might not have expected. Love comes in many shapes, forms, genders and relationships. I believe now that I have more than one love of my life. I have best friends that feed my soul in ways that my partner may not be able to. That is a love that should be cherished and not any less because it’s not romantic. Love is a deep feeling of affection and I know that it’s not just one or nothing. It’s meant to be shared, learned from and perpetuated from one to another. So thanks to love for keeping me humble, kicking my ass, and letting me learn from you.
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