Do You Want to Be a More Encouraging Person? Here Are 5 Easy Ways How
Based on 100+ Real Life Stories
Maybe it’s your grandma. Maybe it’s your best friend. Or your mentor. Actually, it doesn’t really matter who it is. But isn’t it awesome to have someone in your life who encourages you? It’s a wonderful feeling to know that someone believes in you, and it’s even better if they are vocal about it. If you ask me, in addition to “I love you” and “I’m proud of you,” my favorite sentence to hear is: “I believe in you.” 🤩
Wouldn’t it be amazing if you could be this encouraging person for someone? Or for several people? Wouldn’t you love sparking excitement and positivity in those you care about? My hope is that it’s impossible to say no when I ask it like this. And yet, so many of us don’t encourage others enough. But what’s holding us back?
It’s most likely caution. Often we think about encouragement as advice or positive feedback, and we tend to be cautious with giving advice and feedback. Rightly so, these have weight and might strongly influence others. But as we pointed out in a previous post:
Pure encouragement is not advice, nor feedback. It’s only an act/word of belief.
Let me bring a simple example.
Imagine a kid who loves playing basketball, but doesn’t seem particularly talented. Protective parents might be hesitant to encourage this kid to keep playing basketball because they want the kid to be successful and avoid investing too much time in activities they might experience failure in. The kid, however, is just happy to play.
So is there a real risk of encouraging this kid? My definite answer is: NO.
“I love how much you enjoy playing / Keep playing / Keep practicing”- none of these phrases give feedback or advice. They are pure words of encouragement - cheering if you will. If we say any of the above, we only focus on the clearly positive side of playing basketball, the happiness it brings to the kid. No risk, no harm. Just pure encouragement.
With this in mind, let me leverage what we learned after gathering over 100 stories about encouraging and discouraging experiences and share 5 easy ways to become a more encouraging person. 🙌
1) Focus on those who are the closest to you
The stories we collected covered many areas from several life periods, but only a few were related to people who the person didn’t have a close connection with or didn’t see frequently. What this clearly teaches us is the importance of encouraging those closest to us.
You might not know anything about the passion of your best friend. Still, if you keep encouraging them to pursue it, chances are it will have a significant positive impact on their lives just because the encouragement is coming from their best friend, who is evidently an important person in their lives.
So next time your friend/partner/child/teammate is contemplating taking a challenge or starting something new, just simply express that you believe in them. Simple as that.
2) Start with small things
Don’t see yourself as someone who would loudly cheer for others? Not an issue, just start with small things. We’ve heard so many stories where it was only a short sentence or one little act of kindness that brought back hope.
Even if you think a few encouraging words or a tiny gesture cannot mean much, don’t hold yourself back.
There are moments when we only need someone to actively listen to us.
We don’t need anyone to give us a solution or recommendations. It’s more about connecting with another human being, and to relate to the emotions or experiences of others. It’s about showing we care. Just doing that can encourage others to keep trying.
And honestly, what’s the worst that can happen? You don’t make a difference. And what’s the best that can happen? You give a person exactly that bit of positivity they need to get their strength back!
3) Listen to what comes naturally
If something doesn’t come to you naturally, probably others won’t perceive it as authentic either. And authenticity is so crucial when it comes to encouragement. So here’s the deal: don’t try to force it. If you don’t believe in what you’re saying, neither will they.
The good thing is you don’t need to make up compliments. Simply listening to them and showing empathy is a good start - here’s a 2-minute video demonstrating exactly how. And if it only comes to you naturally with a few people you’re really close to, then start there.
My guess is, though, that after you feel how rewarding it is to encourage someone, you’ll feel the urge to do it more often!
4) Share your own experience to help others feel less alone
One friend shared with us how frustrated she felt once when she found herself in a challenging life situation. She felt pressured to take action but didn’t know what to do. She found great comfort though in what her father told her. He explained that he often finds himself in complex situations as well when the next step is not obvious at all. But he learned that it’s okay to give himself some time and wait until he’s certain about what he wants to do next.
All of us have gone through hard times, so there’s definitely a lot of challenges we can relate to.
We might not have great advice, but often just sharing our own struggles can be encouraging for those who are in that same struggle.
The good old phrase holds true: sharing is caring, and can even be an encouragement. 😉
5) Whatever you do, lead by example
A woman we interviewed told us she was inspired to become a dentist because when she was a child, every time she went to the clinic, she would observe how her doctor would work, so calm and kind, and that made her want to become a dentist too.
Isn’t that awesome? Leading by example can go such a long way!
Now, if you’ve felt even just a tiny bit of inspiration reading the above, please do us a favor: this week go and do or say something encouraging to the people you love the most. No better place to start developing a new habit. And who knows maybe soon you’ll be the most encouraging person you know!
Next week we’ll go one step further and shed light on how we discourage others without even noticing it and how we can avoid doing it - stay tuned! 📣
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