Grandma Magic Episode 13: Toya Algarin, Passing the Torch
Where do we learn to give? Where do we learn to serve? For Toya Algarin, also known as Gigi, an education advocate and community leader in Philadelphia, the orientation was passed down from her mother. After a corporate career, Toya spends her days now caring for the community in which she grew up. When educational needs arose for her son, she become a passionate advocate for him and ultimately for educational reform and equity for children across the city. She has served on the board of KIPP Charter Schools since 2015, is on the community board at her alma mater LaSalle University, and fulfills the role of community liaison for Artz Philadelphia, an organization dedicated to bringing joy to people living with Alzheimer’s. In this podcast episode we explore the many hats she wears and what keeps her going.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Welcome to Grandma Magic, a podcast from the Grandmother Collective. We’re a nonprofit organization that supports and advocates for a world where a grandmother’s power is seen, cultivated, and activated for positive change. The Grandma Magic podcast is an opportunity to learn more about the unique positions that grandmothers, aunties, and other older women around the world can play in advancing positive social development by talking to and learning from grandmother change makers. We hope this series inspires you, brings you joy, and helps you recognize the enduring magic and wisdom that comes from grandmothers everywhere.
My name is Lynsey Farrell, and I’m your host. Today, I’m joined by Toya Algarin. A dedicated native of Philadelphia, Toya has a marketing degree from La Salle University and earned an MBA from the University of Phoenix. She’s made a lifelong commitment to quality education for Philadelphia’s children and families. She’s a 50CAN fellow alumnus and a long serving member of the Board of Trustees for KIPP Philadelphia schools where since 2015 she’s played a pivotal role in shaping educational environments and advocating for equitable opportunities.
Toya’s impact extends to her community work, where she bridges the gap between her alma mater, La Salle, and the local community, and serves as a marketing consultant at Jane, dedicated to supporting Black and Brown students and early career professionals by helping them navigate their educational and career paths. Her compassionate role as a caregiver for her mother combined with her community engagement exemplifies her dedication to connecting the dots and celebrating the cultural history of her neighborhood of West Oak Lane. I am eager to delve into her experiences and insights today. Thank you for joining us.
Toya Algarin: Thank you for having me.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): I feel like I have to right away let our listeners know that we do know each other personally and that you are a grandmother at my daughter’s school. And I’ve been watching you and I am so frequently talking to people about grandmothers in the community. And I think it’s really fun that you’re a grandmother in my community.
Toya Algarin: Thank you.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Okay, so let’s start. The question I always ask is do you have a grandmother figure that’s important in your life? And what has been the sort of lasting impression of her?
Toya Algarin: The grandmother figure that is important in life would be my mother. My mother actually helped me to raise my children. While I was off working she raised my children. She allowed me to actually do my career, be very successful at my career, and in my career I had to travel, so my mother held down my children and what better way? I know I turned out alright, I would hope so anyway. I felt comfortable leaving my children in my mom’s hands.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Is there something particular that is a memorable thing that you want to share? Or is that something we’re going to explore a little bit more?
Toya Algarin: That’s something we’ll explore in my whole entire description about me is all about her. I mean, one thing I would like to say is, I was listening to you read my bio and my mother has since passed away since I wrote that bio and it feels really good and comforting to know that originally my mother took care of my children. And at the end of her life, my children ended up taking care of my mother.
Yeah, it comes full circle.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): And you too in that role being that in that sandwich generation, having to caretake children and grandchildren and your mother.
Okay, so Toya, tell us about your background. I think the thing we’re really interested in is learning a lot about what compels people to engage outside themselves. One of my past podcast interviewees talked about being other centered or being, not self centered, but other centered, like, really focused on other people in the community or on finding your way to service. Because you’re now basically living a life of service. What is it that you can trace from a career, from childhood, from something that brought you to this place?
Toya Algarin: Well, I mean, it’s several things, right, Lynsey. If we want to talk about my mother, if I watched her, she took care of the community. My mother never graduated from high school, but she ended up being judge of elections, judge of elections during voting and that stuff.
If I watched her, if anything is watching my mother who took care of the community, I’ve seen her do it in several different ways. She used to be my Girl Scout leader. Who does that? She took us camping in the wilderness and we’re from the city. Okay. That wasn’t an easy feat.
And I watched her take care of people in the family all her life. Naturally I would just fall in a suit and be just like her. Now, if you’re talking about what was the point where I said it’s time to start taking care of the community. That was while I was taking care of my children.
If I tell you my story, I would love to tell you my story. When my children were in school, and they went to high school, I have a 33 year old, a 32 year old, and a 25 year old. When my kids were in high school and they were about to attend college, I watched them suffering and lacking the basics.
Remedial, they needed remedial help. That’s when my advocacy hat came on because I had this little guy, he was going into sixth grade and he was going to the same elementary school as my eldest children.
When that school closed that we all went to, funny thing, I went to the same school, and when it closed I was looking for a new school and I was finding it hard to do.
I found KIPP charter schools in Philadelphia and he attended KIPP. And when he attended sixth grade he was on a fifth grade reading level. He was below score. And I’m like, oh my god, I’m doing it again. Meanwhile, I am a career person at the time. I’m high functioning. I thought I was doing the right thing and here it is, my kids are lacking the basics in reading. In just one year my son went up to grade level, which was fantastic.
And after that, I was like, okay, I need to help other parents in the world understand what it looks like to advocate for their child. But then in 10th grade, first day of school, my son was hit by a car. He was in a coma for two weeks. He suffered a traumatic brain injury. And then I found out what it was like to advocate for your son, for a special needs son. That’s when I started hitting the roof. I’m like, you know what, I got to help everybody now. I mean, it’s so many disparities in this world right now that people don’t even know.
Some people don’t even know what they don’t know.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): They don’t know what they don’t know. Right.
Toya Algarin: They don’t know what they don’t know. And, I became lightweight, I’m going to say lightweight brain surgeon in less than like two months. Navigating that process for my son so that he would be successful. After that trauma of my son being hit, that’s when I was like, okay, I went to full force taking care of others.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Toya, what do you think is the reason that your son did not get the basics in the school that he had been in and what was the difference between that and what was happening at KIPP?
Toya Algarin: Girl, education is, it’s the education world. Okay. First of all, in Philadelphia, a lot of schools are segregated, because you have to attend your neighborhood school. If you live in an area where there’s either low income or people are lacking the basics. People are being, I want to say discriminated against, but low income people, they don’t get the resources, they don’t get the services, we know what that looks like, right. That’s why I think it’s a lot of things that go into that question. Because if you take an onion, you start, I’m peeling the layers of bad education and just not having the resources and what that looks like. That’s what happens.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Not having a dedicated parent team, teachers that, because they lack resources.
Toya Algarin: It’s a whole other, I mean, you got a single mom. I was a single mom of three. Okay. I was working, paying bills, doing my career, my mother was definitely taking care of my children, but some of the other things we couldn’t even get to. You know, like, coming home from work at 11 and reading a book, or even making lunches. I didn’t make a lunch for my child. I didn’t have time. It’s like time. It’s resources. It’s all of it. You know, it’s discrimination against black and brown children. You know what I mean? Period. And families.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): What did KIPP do differently?
Toya Algarin: Oh my god, KIPP. Let me tell you something, right? From the moment that I started, they came to my house and interviewed the family.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Are you serious?
Toya Algarin: Before my son attended the school. And little did they know the family interviewed them as well. Okay. They really did. They did. KIPP, you know what they did differently? Let me just tell you what they did differently. It’s so funny you asking me this because guess what? This is a speech that I wrote, my son is 25 when he was in high school, I wrote this speech because I said it in front of the school district every month about KIPP.
My son has a traumatic brain injury. That means he takes in information differently. He’s not going to be the same as any other child who has a disability. Some things might be the same, but some things are definitely different, because it’s individual, it’s up to the individual on how they learn. When my son was being released from CHOP, Children’s Hospital, we went in the conference room with the neurologist, with the OT specialist, with the PT specialist, with the speech specialist, with his regular doctor, with me, with an advocate, a friend of mine, and with KIPP.
We sat down in there for an hour and a half and wrote his IEP. Children’s Hospital was like, we’ve never seen a school come out and help us write the IEP. They were like, this is a first for us. And they had the manager of special education. We didn’t do a zoom call. We sat in person and wrote that. That was one thing that KIPP did. Another thing that KIPP did after that, they put me on the board. I mean, I’ve raised money for the library. We did a lot of things, you know, and I’m one of those parents that stays involved.
They nominated me for the board. I’m on this board. I don’t know what boards do. I just know what the children do. They sent me to training.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Yeah. Good.
Toya Algarin: I mean, outside of KIPP training, they sent me to training. Next one I became a 50CAN fellow and doing that 50CAN fellow what I did was I created a cohort appearance that advocated for the children that they serve at KIPP.
That’s when I first started at KIPP, we had like two schools. Now we have seven, seven schools in the city of Philadelphia. And we educate over 2,000, maybe 2,500 children. That’s a lot. The reason why I’m on that board and the reason why they still have me on that board, because I’m holding kids accountable for them to service other children. Like they serviced my son. That was amazing.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): But now you work with the actual public school system.
Can you tell me how you got there?
Toya Algarin: Just let me correct it. Charter schools are public schools, too.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): I know. But the more mainstream Philadelphia public schools. What was the journey to that? I mean, clearly you’re incredibly interested in equity and education, And I’m incredibly happy in a mainstream public school. I’m wondering what was the journey to this?
Toya Algarin: You know, and it is a journey. Because for so long I was advocating, first of all, my oldest children, they went to Catholic school. I went to Catholic school. I went to a Catholic elementary school, a private high school, and a Catholic college.
So I wanted the same education for my children, but lo and behold, it changed how they’re servicing the children.
But, what brought me to the school was I needed to find a school for my child. It was in the area where I could find a school for my grandchild, not my child, my grandchild. It was so funny when she got in, she was in. And the funniest part about it was, they didn’t really have a homeless school association.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Which is the Philadelphia way of saying parent teacher association.
Toya Algarin: Right, PTA. And the reason why they didn’t, and it was very understandable because it was right after COVID. So it had to be started up again. And the first thing I did was go up there and say, “Where’s the homeless school?”
And then they were like, “We need to establish one again.”
And the next thing I knew, I was the president of the homeless school.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): And you don’t even currently have a kid there.
Toya Algarin: Well, no, because my daughter was living with me temporarily. And then the next thing I know, her and her husband got a great opportunity in Baltimore and they’re gone. And I’m like, okay, you was just going to leave me like that. And then when they left, I’m like, I’m still here and I don’t have a child, but they were like, you could stay.
Next thing I know a year later after that the principal offered a part time position for me and I’m still here. Okay.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): And we’re so glad that you did that, but you know in all of this experience of different school systems, what would you hope for public schools to be doing, in a way that bridges some of these gaps that you noticed in your own experience?
Toya Algarin: Well, I’m thinking about that fair funding formula and it’s fair funding for all schools. First of all, charter schools aren’t going anywhere and charter schools were created because the public schools were so bad. I mean, we wouldn’t send our kids to charter school if we could just send them to public school.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): If you could walk to your local school, right.
Toya Algarin: And, you can even look at some of the schools and see the disparities. The school is the best kept secret. I love the school, I would hope that all schools had an administration, say like the school, and to be honest with you, Lynsey, I looked around and I see these schools, right?
You can have a beautiful building and have a really not functioning, high functioning administration. I love the school because I like the administration, I like the building, I like the love that they serve to the children, and I like the way they work with children because their children are reading. Hello.
You know, that’s the key. You can have a beautiful building, but the kids can’t read. You can love my children, but my children still can’t read. You can love my children all day, but are they learning? There’s a lot of layers that go into that.
That’s what I think. I just believe it’s about the administration. It’s about caring about the children, it’s understanding that in the world today that children have different needs. Black and brown children have different needs. White children have different needs. I mean, we’re different.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Yeah. But we don’t like to talk about it for some reason. We’re pretending that there’s nothing different.
Toya Algarin: Right. And it’s cultural differences. I mean, everybody needs love. Yeah, we get that. We all need love. That’s the one thing that pulls us together, that music, that love, the love for children. But I mean, everybody does have different needs and being able to identify those needs is like the most important thing I see.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Yeah. I think one of the things that I’ve really felt that the school is doing correctly is that it is considering the community as a whole. So, if there’s a fundraiser or if there’s something that we’re trying to do, so far, it hasn’t felt like, and this is a mixed school, I mean mixed especially in in the lower grades, but mixed school that it feels like the things that we do fit everyone without it being overly oriented towards one particular group of kids versus another. And I think that’s the administration too really looking out for that inclusivity. Do you feel that too?
Toya Algarin: Yeah, we do that. And that’s the one thing I want to do with the school too is trying to bridge the gap to make sure that everybody’s needs are satisfied. And I believe that that playground that we just built engaging parents–
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Makes a huge difference.
Toya Algarin: Totally unlike the school has ever engaged parents.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Yeah, just having the environment change. What does your week look like? What are all the things that you do in a week?
Toya Algarin: Okay, so it depends Lynsey, I’m gonna be very transparent with you. Grief is a very tough thing to go through. And the fact that I’m 61 allows me now to say, no, I’m going to take this time to grieve.
Unlike when my father died and I was still working. My mother passed away. I’ve been grieving and I’ve been allowing myself to grieve, which is so good. Here lately it’s coming back like I see this parent in the playground. She’s like, let’s do a podcast. I’m like, okay that’s you, Lynsey. Let’s do a podcast. And I’m feeling the power come back.
This week I actually had a meeting at the library to start communal learning to see what we could do to learn our history for Black History Month. Because there’s so many things that people really don’t know. I sat down with the history department at the Philadelphia school district. We sat with the librarian and we sat and talked about what that would look like. I also teach a crochet class at the school, which is fantastic. I love the little kids and they love to crochet. That is such a lost art. We sat and did that.
Then I walked up to Wild Hand, which is the yarn store at Carpenter and Green. And I talked to her about can my crochet class come up and look at the yarn? And she was like, yes. We’re going over there to do a class trip and she’s going to donate yarn to us. And then yesterday I started my crochet club in the library at Logan Library, because libraries are starting to open again. Go figure. They can see the need to be open all day.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): We’re getting Saturdays back.
Toya Algarin: Where?
Lynsey Farrell (Host): The library here says that we’re getting Saturdays back.
Toya Algarin: Which one?
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Lovett.
Toya Algarin: I’m just saying the ones that are in, maybe low income neighborhoods are not open. I’m just going to let you know. Okay. This area has changed. There’s pockets of people who own their houses and people who rent houses and blah, blah, blah, that kind of stuff.
But down in Logan, it’s not open. But anyway, okay. Talk about the disparities.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Yeah, and talk about the neighborhoods that need a public space to gather.
Toya Algarin: Exactly.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Yeah, that can’t pay to sit and have coffee necessarily or be in other sort of —
Toya Algarin: But the other thing is my library is our local resource center. It’s like a community center. I’m helping out at the Logan Library to make it get more activities inside of it. See, you feel the fire, you feel the fire.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): I feel the fire, but you know I spend all my time talking to older women with fire. So, I’m excited that you’re local to me and have that fire. But, I already recognize the power of grandmothers and older women that they get it in them and they just get things done.
Toya Algarin: And it’s so funny that we’re saying this because if we go back to my mother.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Yes. Let’s go back to your mother.
Toya Algarin: My mother passed away in April, 94 years old, and we had a week to gather everything that she did, writing the obituary and everything. We had to gather all this info in a week. I’m sitting here and my daughter’s helping me. I love my daughter. My daughter is helping me. And what happened was, something said, Toya go across the street and go to where she keeps the pictures. I found this picture and in the picture was my mom, the other neighbors, and they were standing in front of a building.
And what I thought was the building ended up being La Salle. I took the picture and some other notifications up to La Salle and I went to the Multicultural Center. And in the center is my friend Sherilyn Rush. She’s been around forever, you know, the moms at the colleges.
Sherilyn and I have worked on several projects in the neighborhood. Since my mother had dementia. Like a health event for the community, and we’re bridging the gap between La Salle and the community. I go up to Sherilyn and I show her the picture and here it is. The picture was of my mom and the neighbors the last day that the community center closed. It’s called the Urban Study Center up at La Salle, and it closed. I guess they lost the grant funding, whatever. And my mother was in the picture. And you know what? I saw it right then that I’m following in her footsteps.
And the sad part about it was she couldn’t tell me what she did. I knew she did a lot at La Salle, but I just didn’t know what. And then I dug into some of the things they did. That’s how she became judge of elections. She helped Bob Casey get nominated. They were up there, they had a GED learning section, she volunteered at the Urban Study Center. I volunteered at the Community Building Center. And I found out when she died.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Why didn’t she tell you? Or you just didn’t notice?
Toya Algarin: It just didn’t dawn on me, until I start looking, and I was like, oh my god, I am like literally walking in her footsteps with the exception, and this grandmother love thing. My mom and father integrated this neighborhood,
Lynsey Farrell (Host): What was it before?
Toya Algarin: It was all white.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): And this was like 1950s/60s?
Toya Algarin: It was in the 50s. 1958. And my mother used to work in a factory. They did that. You know, that’s what Philadelphia was a big garment industry. All that stuff was big. I mean, that goes way back. Not only were they big, that’s what everybody did here. The garment industry was huge.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Gigi, where did your parents come from?
Toya Algarin: Philly. My parents were born in Philly, so they didn’t migrate here. Their parents were probably part of the Great Migration. At least I know on my father’s side. My mother’s side, they were born in South Philly. They were born here in Philadelphia, we did the math. Imagine this woman who worked at a factory, who wanted the best for her children, and this was considered wealth at that time. This area. She moved here and she would catch the bus walking by La Salle College, and catch the bus to work.
And she never graduated from high school. Imagine what her thoughts were at that time. My child is going to go to that school. My child is going to go to that school. Then I’m born. And then finally, her child goes to that school. You know what I mean? Like, a dream come true. Imagine that.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): And it took probably a lot of sacrificing and a lot of everything to get you there.
Toya Algarin: Put it like that, by hook or by crook to get me to go to that school.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): They moved up to West Oak Lane, but this is a white neighborhood. The homes there are large, West Oak Lane is a beautiful home.
Toya Algarin: I mean, they’re rowhomes, they’re pretty big.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): What are some of the lessons that you’ve learned in community work? What are some of the major challenges?
Toya Algarin: I don’t know if there’s a lesson or a challenge, but first of all you don’t walk into a community telling them what they need. You just don’t do that.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): And do people still do that?
Toya Algarin: All the time. I mean, a nonprofit comes in and just wants you to like, okay, this is what we got. We think you need that. Or take this. No, I don’t need that. I don’t need that.
One of the lessons I learned, especially through being a 50CAN fellow, is to go in and ask them what they need, go in and do a listening tour, walk in and partner with them, meet them where they are.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): This is a big thing I advocate for, that there is actually no better person to answer the problem than the people that are dealing with it, that you are the expert coming from where you are. And for us, the Grandmother Collective, I think that we’ve honed in on older women and grandmothers and community for this exact reason.
That they are fluent in the local cultural norms and understand how things work. They have years of experience and wisdom and context and practicality, and you know, there actually is no one better than you to go and try to figure out how to make Logan Library more vibrant and active.
It’s the library you went to growing up. It’s like literally your library.
Toya Algarin: It’s right across the street from my elementary school. Yes, ma’am. And it’s a historical building, too.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): There was something I saw in your bio too about really trying to hold cultural space.
Toya Algarin: I know my mom was discriminated against. My father and mother, they were here before for Board vs. Brown and segregation. They were here during segregation. And of course they’ve been through it and it’s funny because their generation, they were the quiet ones. They held it all in. Until maybe the sixties because my mom marched on Washington with Martin Luther King. She was there. She left me. I was two years old. She was there.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): She was like, I’m not missing that.
Toya Algarin: They held that back. My mom taught me I’m just as good as anybody else. And she sent me to all like white schools, because that is what was needed at that time, I guess. But at the same time we really just wanted fairness, we wanted the same.
I just watched my mom advocate for me my entire life by sending me to a private Catholic high school. She could have sent me to the public school in the area, but she knew she wanted me to have more resources. And she gave me the ability to gather these resources.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): It sounds like she gave you what I know happens a lot in communities where you’re trying to seek out fairness and bridge gaps, but it’s also there’s something very valuable about being able to code switch. Like you’re able to go and be in communities that are not like the one you came from. And yet you can go back and be resourceful.
Toya Algarin: You’re right. But guess what? I’m old now. I’m not code switching for nobody. I am who I am. Okay.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): And I don’t think people should have to code switch, but I know that that has been a strategy for many, many people.
Toya Algarin: Yeah. Okay. Fine. No, I’m not going to code– And that’s, that’s who I am. I’ve been in Sweden buying products for Ikea, selecting products for Ikea. And they love me because of who I am. Because guess what? I didn’t have to code switch, I just am who I am.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Maybe you realized that authenticity was enough. Just being yourself.
Toya Algarin: Well, at 60, yeah. It took me to be 60 in some respects.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Well, that’s good. Because I want to ask you about being a grandmother and what has changed for you in becoming a grandmother?
Toya Algarin: I love it. First of all, I can get the children back when I’m ready, But the beauty of it is I can spoil the crap out of them, for one. And I get to do a do over, because some of those special moments my mother actually experienced, because I was working hard, and I was at work, and I worked in retail too and I traveled with my job. Being able to do it again is amazing.
And it’s the little things, for instance, when my mom did pass away we went to her house. Me and my daughter that day, I was telling you, we went into the room. And I watched my daughter go through my mother’s drawers, her dresser drawers, and know where everything was. This is where grandma keeps her scarves. This is where she keeps her pants. This is where her jewelry is.
These are things I didn’t know. And it felt so good to know that my daughter was nurtured by my mom. And now I get to do that with my granddaughters. I get to do that with my grandsons. I get to take my kids to the Christmas light show. I get to do the fun things with them that I missed when I was raising my children.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): It’s kind of a shame that while you’re parenting, you’re also trying to, like, stay afloat and also trying to like do all the adulting things because you do miss so much. Unfortunately.
So there’s something beautiful about that. But is there also something in becoming a grandmother? It sounds like your decision to like get engaged and connected to your community happened earlier than your grandparenthood, but do you have a sense that something about aging is also changing how you interact with the community?
Toya Algarin: I can tell you one thing. I’m tired. It’s a lot. A lot of things need to be fixed, but I also believe that as a grandmother, I don’t have to do all the hard work. Okay. As a grandmother, I get to advise. Like being on the PTA, I’m ready to advise the PTA. I don’t have to run the PTA.
Being a grandmother the best thing is, especially for those who respect their elders. I get to have people sitting at my feet listening on how to do these things. And I don’t necessarily have to run them myself. I get to share my wisdom and my knowledge with whoever that may be in the community. Like running the crochet thing is one thing. I love that. That’s not something I’m going to stop. But just being able to advise, I’m more on the advisory council now.
I ran a 30 million dollar business. I know how to get the buy in, I know how to get the engagement, I know how to go around and seek what everybody needs and figure out how this idea fits in with this. Without doing the work.
I work smarter, not hard. I thought I did that all my life until I became older and now I just volunteer. That’s the other thing, I worked hard to be where I’m at today and get where I’m at today. But the beauty of it is now I get to follow my godly gifts and give them back for free. You understand what I’m saying? Just give back to the community in which I serve.
That’s the other thing is like a ministry. I’m a servant leader and what I do is serve my community. It doesn’t matter. Like, nope, I got this. I paid for this. I paid to get this done. Now I’m going to give it back to my community for free.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): And that feels good.
Toya Algarin: Yeah, it does.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): You know, there’s quite a few conversations happening about what does it mean to be an elder? What does it mean to grow older? There’s been this sort of growing movement around passageways to elderhood, how do you get there? And what does it actually mean? And I think it’s really saying, you know at the pinnacle of your life, like aging is not decay, aging is getting better, aging is finding the space to serve the next generation, leave things better than you found them, and more and more people are kind of saying, I want that. I mean, it’s not new. It was what many, many cultures have done prior to whatever this current modern world that we live in. Elderhood is something to achieve and in that the reward is feeling like you’re being in service to your community and giving them what you have gained.
Well, I’m so delighted we got to chat. It went as expected, which was that we went down many, many different paths. But, I’m glad I got to connect with you even deeper, more deeply than running into you on the playground.
Toya Algarin: Oh, you know what? One more thing I wanted to tell you, and I don’t know if you’ll use this or not, but I did volunteer in the community liaison for Arts Philadelphia. Arts Philadelphia is so funny because they called me after I realized that I could no longer take care of my mother who had dementia. Because it was taxing on me. Some people could do it, some people can’t. And I felt like I could not do that. I was going to make sure she was fine, but watching her daily. It’s something I couldn’t do.
What I did was somebody called me. I don’t know how this world works, but they called me right after I came to that realization. And I became their community liaison. And what they do is they bring joy to people living with dementia. Working with them actually allowed me to become a grandmother and figure out what that looks like.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): What does joy look like? For them.
Toya Algarin: Joy for people living with dementia?
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Yeah, like what would be some of the examples of it?
Toya Algarin: Realizing that you actually can develop new memories with a person who’s maybe nonverbal. Or who would be not verbal in 2023, but verbal in 1954.
You can develop new memories. The last three years with my mom, who she was like nonverbal, you would ask for stuff, but if I asked her her name, she would remember that.
She would remember her social security number. She remembered the Black national anthem. Verbatim. I’m like, I don’t even know that. She sang for me, she danced with me. We danced together as much as she could. I have all these great new memories with her through understanding that dementia doesn’t mean they’re not there. Dementia means I’m still a person and I still deserve respect and I need to eat or whatever. That they’re still a person. And then it’s just joy finding that joy.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): So it wasn’t particular activities.
Toya Algarin: Oh, no, Arts Philadelphia does particular activities. They give them canvases and people living with dementia might paint. People living with dementia might color, they might craft, all kinds of things. They actually go into some nursing homes and do these projects with people living with dementia and it’s amazing.
They also give support to people who are caring for people who live with dementia. Through them I figured out that it was okay for me not to be able to sit with my mom every day. But what I was doing was enough. Taking care of her household, making sure the doctor’s appointments, making sure she was fed, figuring out the meals. Figuring all that stuff out, that is being a care partner. We don’t even call them caretakers, we call them partners because we partner with the person that we’re taking care of, it was a groovy thing.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Yeah, even if you weren’t getting her dressed and making sure she bathed you were still —
Toya Algarin: Right, well I did that once a week on a weekend, but I sure did find help doing that during the week.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Yeah. It’s a lot.
Toya Algarin: It’s a lot.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): Yeah. My mom just helped an old neighbor for 10 years. I told you this, I think. That for 10 years she had dementia and my mom made sure she had all the care she needed and made sure her bills were paid and made sure her pool didn’t turn green and all, they lived in Arizona, and all these other things, and it was exhausting for her and she wasn’t even there on the day to day.
Really exhausting. I think she’s kind of going through a similar thing to you in the grief stage of, this was May that we lost our grandmother. So, I mean, she’s not, she was my grandmother figure really in my life. Yeah, but cool Gigi.
Toya Algarin: I hope this was good for you.
Lynsey Farrell (Host): It was good for me. Yeah, I think we dug into a lot of things that are, really patterns that I’m seeing around the role that older women are playing and you help to kind of give some great examples of that.
Thank you so much for joining us today.
Toya Algarin: Thank you so much for having me.
