Occupational Hazards
Tales of contemporary workplace sexism you’d think were straight out of the 60s
One of the uglier truths about misogyny is that it often disguises itself as normal. It can be difficult to recognize the sexist structures we both experience and impose on others until we examine them in hindsight, which is why portrayals of workplace misogyny in shows like Mad Men seem appalling and intolerable to the modern observer. But much like the women of the 60s perceived their workplace interactions as tolerable and the status quo, we will likely reflect in 50 years and be amazed at the misogyny we endured in everyday life. When certain behaviors (however bothersome) are normalized, the oppression those behaviors impose seems to barely exist.
Calling out sexism in a culture that often feigns exhaustion with it will often be met with claims and responses like, “You’re being touchy,” “He probably didn’t mean it like that,” “You’re overreacting,” and my all-time favorite, “Can’t you take a joke?”
And so we’ve learned to stay silent. We shrug it off. We might even laugh. Because when we object, we are branded as over-sensitive Debbie Downers. We fear alienation from the social circle. For those of us who work in male-dominated spaces, the fear of drawing more attention to our otherness is felt more acutely.
Perhaps you don’t perceive your experiences with occupational sexism to be a big deal. But even if you feel that way, it’s important to recognize that one person’s idea of a benign comment may contribute to a workplace culture that isn’t as conducive to productivity as it could be, and may even be outright hostile. By not acknowledging these offenses as the violations they are — if even only to ourselves — we normalize sexist interactions and thereby contribute to a culture that systematically represses us. In the end we might even discover that we are holding ourselves back and standing in the way of our own success.
Inspired by the Everyday Sexism Project, this collection (and the installments to follow) exists to offer a space where we can share our stories without fear of retribution. Perhaps by contributing your story, you’ll feel a sense of relief. Or maybe you’ll gain a new awareness of your own behavior, whether as a target or as a complicit party. My hope is that by sharing and internalizing these stories, it will help us recognize how problematic — and even traumatic — those seemingly small instances of occupational sexism might be, and motivate us to stand up for ourselves (and others) as we are marginalized and mistreated. Please share your story here. ♦
✏ Do you remember that TV commercial in the 90s that showed a woman telling her boss, “That’s sexual harassment and I don’t have to stand for it!”? I was about eight when it started airing, and I remember giggling when it would come on. That can’t be something that still happens, I thought. But it does. The first time I was sexually harassed at work, I was twenty-three and working at my first “real” job. I worked for a non-profit that would hold an annual lavish fundraising gala. There was an open bar and I had gone up to get two martinis for myself and my boss. As I was standing there trying to balance two spilling glasses, one of the board members came up behind me and put his hands around my waist. “I’ve never seen you in a gown before!” he hissed. “Uh, sorry, I have to get back over there,” I stammered. I broke free and walked back to my boss. I told her what happened, and she sympathized, but made it clear that I should keep quiet about what happened. It was then that I realized how little things have changed over the last few decades.
✏ I worked at a design agency where I was one of two female employees. On multiple occasions, my name was taken off of my work before given to a client. When I pressed the issue, I was told, “We don’t want to confuse the client.” (I guess a woman doing work is confusing.) I was regularly instructed not to talk in meetings or on conference calls. Most clients I worked for didn’t even realize I had an active part on their project because, during meetings, they would only see me laying out coffee and pastries before quietly taking notes in the corner.
Unsurprisingly, the culmination of these things (among other countless shitty things) eventually led to me quitting. In my final exit interview with the head of the company, I said I thought the agency had serious gender imbalance issues. His response: “I don’t think we have a gender problem at all. I would hire more women except they’re all so emotional.”
✏ I teach at a comprehensive school, and last term I worked with an external organization to recruit local volunteers to come in and help our pupils after school. An older, male member of the department and I jointly ran a training session for the volunteers. During the session, I didn’t state explicitly that I was responsible for the initiative, but I started and ended the session and spoke more than my male colleague. Once we’d finished, the man from the recruiting organization went up to my colleague, shook his hand, thanked him and asked if he had any questions. I was given absolutely no acknowledgement — not even eye contact.
✏ At a video post-production house where I worked in my 20s, there was a guy in the mailroom who insisted on a hug before I could use the fax machine. I know this is more than sexism. I had a veritable sexual harassment lawsuit on my hands. Too bad the constant barrage of harassment and assault I dealt with on a daily basis kept me in a depressed and disempowered state. I didn’t think it was normal, I just thought it wasn’t going to change.
✏ I was a personal assistant for a very small time. It was great because I could go work out, run errands, come back and do some computer work, and usually just in my sweats. Casual dress was a perk of the gig, he had told me, and since I had another part time job walking dogs, it worked really well for me. A few weeks in, I was going to head out to an event after work, and I had on nicer clothes. My boss sent me an email the next day telling me that he didn’t appreciate that I dressed up for others and not him, and he was jealous. He said in the email, “I need your energy and some spice as well.” When I apologized for not dressing as professionally as I had first presented myself (although I’d been under the impression it was fine) I received another email that said, “about the look thing i like the fact your a woman ,it makes the job fun ,its purposeful and I know its not pol.correct but i enjoy looking at woman as long as its respectful,,im a very young man in many ways.” [sic]
I quit.
✏ At my first writing gig at a clubbing and entertainment magazine, the publisher would only hire female employees and would criticize me for not wearing clubbing attire to the workplace. Girls were given back rubs even if they didn’t want them.
✏ I was the assistant for the president of a major publishing house a few years ago. We had one of our highest level idea guys kill himself and somehow my well-educated behind was slated with the task of cleaning out his office. To make a long story short, I ended up finding a masturbatory toy, lubricant, and all the “this has totally been used multiple times” accoutrements. It was a boiling point moment because here I am, this twenty-something trying so hard to be professional, and they literally task me with cleaning up someone’s spunk. My boss was out of town at the time, but the news of this spread quickly, and when my boss returned to the office, his only response was, “If you weren’t a girl this wouldn’t be such a big deal.”
Yup.
This project is ongoing and stories will continue to be published serially. My deepest thanks to all the contributors so far. If you have a story, whether personal or witnessed in an environment such as a workplace or classroom, please consider sharing it. UPDATE: This series is now closed. Thanks to all for sharing your stories.
