These are Things That I Hate
You might think some of them are really great, I will not hold that against you, go forth and be you, boo.
My apologies to Dr. Seuss.
With who I’m playing fast and loose,
I would like to think I am very clever,
You yourself were such a smart fella.
I will not do these things with you,
I will not do them with the flu,
I will not do any of these,
I will not do them if I freeze.
I will not do them in a chair,
I will not do them with great flair,
I will not do them if you call,
I will not do them at the mall.
I will not do them if you hope,
I will not do them with the Pope,
I will not do them here or there,
I will not do them anywhere.
So without any further ado,
I am going to share with you,
All this stuff that I really hate,
Did you take my well-planned bait?
I have never yet met a play I like,
I do not want to take the mike,
I do not want to act in plays,
I do not want to watch this craze.
Please explain this shit to me,
People who go on a singing spree,
I do not like that awful noise,
Even if it’s done with great poise.
I don’t care what sound the music makes,
Or who little Orphan Annie hates,
I wish the Von Trapp family well,
But musicals are made for hell.
I will not do a stupid dance,
with those pirates of Penzance,
I hate Patch the Pirate’s songs,
With their lessons about right and wrong.
I hate that stupid Alice book,
And Peter Pan and Captain Hook,
I do not like that Wonderland,
I will not go to Neverland.
Most of the classical literature sucks,
I do not care who Romeo fucks,
Jane Austen bores me to tears,
I’ve avoided classics for many years.
I will not join your masquerade,
I will not be in your parade,
I will not stay and reenact,
I’ll put the costumes back in their sack.
I do not like those superheroes,
I do not care where Batman goes,
Releasing them in LEGO form,
When did this shit become the norm?
I do not watch those Looney Tunes,
I have never liked cartoons,
Despite my family mocking me,
I am now cartoon free.
There are some neat and tidy stories,
From boring people in their forties,
Sanitized stories make me want to hurl,
Real life makes conservaties clutch their pearls.