Dear [redacted],

From: Triumph

I hope this meets you well.
Or maybe I don’t. Honestly, I’m not really sure yet.
But can you blame me? You took my soul and swallowed it whole, then spit it out unabashedly when you decided you did not like the way it tasted.
I would have seasoned it for you, you know? Spiced it up however way you might have preferred. All
because you were my first. My first insight into how easy things can be when it’s the right person.
Or at least when you think it is.
See, I don’t think I had experienced attraction before you. I may have felt love and other gooey
emotions, but I am certain I have never tasted such intense hunger.
Such want and passion so pure that it warms up the entirety of my insides, its flames licking at throes of
my belly.
I was shocked by it — mainly because I had simply never felt it before.
You know I always thought that I was the problem and never the boys that made me feel so…out of
place. I had always felt broken when it came to the matter of attraction and sex, and I had begun to
collect all the shards delicately, uncaring if it made a jagged mosaic.
But then I met you and suddenly, I was transformed into a clay pot thrown into the embers of the kiln,
heated up and heady.
Maybe the flames were too intense.
Because at the end of the day, I cracked just as easily as I had been moulded. I write this letter to you because you have left me with a question and it is one that I seek the answer to.
Is it better to have love and lost than to never have loved at all?
I ask myself this when I think about you and slowly, I began to realise that you gave me far more than
gentle kisses and soft whispers. With you, I discovered a part of myself that has been buried underneath
the societal standards of sex and disabilities. With you, I touched and I craved, aching with need and
desire. You showed me a part of myself that I believed I was deemed to forget and forbidden from
experiencing.
That is exactly what it was — an experience.
One that has become a memory that will haunt me for ages, but an experience, nevertheless.
So now, I leave you with the same question that you seared in my heart, permanent and bruising.
Did you love and lose?
Or did you never love at all?