To Halo

To la estrella mejor en mi cielo (I wrote this without google translate, clap for me lmao),

I’ve started this letter 10 different times in 10 different ways in my head but this is the first time I’m actually writing it.

I don’t think you know that I think of you a lot. Too much, to be honest. I think of you all the time- in the shower, in a bus, crossing the road. I think of telling you stuff and I have whole conversations and make montages of us in my daydreams all the while having this little smile on my face. I was sitting in the car with my dad thinking of you and I was smiling. He asked me what was making me smile and I told him I was thinking of money. He said that must be a lie and he was right because money can never make me smile like you do. I should be slightly ashamed that a man is making me smile more than money does but I’m not. I thought of writing this letter for weeks each time writing it and saying it with you in my head. I often wish there was a way we could communicate by telepathy because picking up the phone is so hard. I want to be able to send my thoughts to you. I want you to be able to see what I’m imagining. I want you to know that even though I’m not texting or calling, you’re always on my mind.

I adore you Halo. Very much. And I love you. It pleases me when I say ‘I love you’ and you say ‘I know’ before you say it back. I don’t want you to ever have doubts or wonder if I love you, whether I love you. I want it to be an immutable truth, to be a solid pillar in your mind, to be as tangible as anything else. I have never doubted that you love me. I want that for you too.

Calls are not my favourite thing but when you call and I hear you excitedly say you have gist for me, it makes my day. When you call and say you missed me I can’t stop smiling. I love laughing with you, gisting with you, being connected whether it’s through a phone call or holding your hand and just doing our own things. I love the phone calls where we don’t say anything and we just enjoy knowing the other person is there.

You are adorable. I want to give you a thousand kisses and a million hugs and cuddle all day. I don’t sleep the same when I’m not with you. And my sleep is entirely too boring when you’re not there waiting for me to wake up so we can do something together.

When you say ‘how can I help’, ‘we’ll do it together’, I immediately feel better because I know I don’t have to go through it alone. You make me feel like I can do anything. Like the possibility of me failing is so minute as to be irrelevant. I love it.

Your happiness is my happiness. Whenever you’re excited, no matter what I’m going through at that moment, it makes me happy. You are such a pure beautiful soul. I love how much you love my family and do the nicest things for them, and I love that my family loves you.

I don’t drink water every time I get your ‘please drink water’ reminders on my calendar but it’s a visual reminder of how much you care about me. I promise I am drinking more water than usual. I hope you see the ‘you make me happy everyday’ reminders and it makes you smile and think of me.

I miss you. I want you here. I hope I see you soon.