Blog Justification
The Rebuke of Steve
Approaching a blog should be an existential crisis. This is not to elevate the writing which follows – rather, it’s to humble the existential moments in life. Blogging is a widely practiced pastime, so much so that there exists a Blogosphere and a Bloggernacle, representing the interconnected world of blogs and the subset of interconnected Mormon blogs, respectively. This subset of Mormon blogging is itself divided into niches, wherein one can win certain “Niblets” for outstanding bloggery. And down the rabbit hole we go.
Therein lies the existential crisis. 158 capital-M Million blogs are known to exist. I have been asked to join one of these blogs. Even were this blog One In A Million, it would still be a rather obscure 1/158th of known blogs.
Words are cheap – to produce, anyway – and the importance of your time in the reading and writing of words cannot be understated. You are reading this blog, and I am writing it. Why does this necessitate the waste of precious minutes and seconds of your regrettably short existence?
That question is an argument for, rather than against, writing this blog. For those of you who haven’t screwed right off, I applaud you for your patience. You’ll need it.
I used to think that the truly great had no time for autobiographies, memoirs, and blogs. The Picassos and Burt Reynolds(s) among us don’t have the time for that kind of self-obsessed diatribe. They’re too busy doing stuff worth writing about. Burt Reynolds turned down the roles of John McClain and Han Solo because he just didn’t have time for all that stank.
But good autobiography is simply the reporting of inward thoughts and feelings. It’s not a play-by-play of external events. It’s a self-examined life. Not only that, but it’s a justification of your self-examined life. Even if these words never meet the eyes of another human being, they may still be the most valuable words I ever write. I, as a human being, must justify my habits – and therefore my existence – to the world at large. I will explore why I ingest nearly three times my recommended daily dose of sodium. I will reminisce about this morning’s adventure watching an inflatable octopus float into the sky like some live-action reverse Space Invaders. And you’re gonna like it, because all we have on earth is the insight of the autobiographers and bloggettes.
You might have heard that Socrates said “the unexamined life is not worth living.” That quote is weapons-grade baloney. I don’t take issue with the sentiment, but the attribution is sketchy and self-defeating. We don’t really know what Socrates said. He never bothered his little dwarf-looking head about writing any of his genius down. Socrates left the examination of his life to Plato and other hangers-on. These guys pack Fictional Socrates (Storyocrates) so full of ironic aphorisms that the man barely has time to breathe. So his life remains unexamined for the millions of people who might have liked to take examples from his everyday reality. What a socratease.
I’m proud of myself for that one. Socratease. I’m a hero.
I’m not saying that anyone on this blog has an earth-shattering future ahead of them. I’m saying that you should pay attention anyway, Steve. Memoir, biography, and even web-logs – these are worth your time. These are the examinations of people from backgrounds and points of view vastly different than your own, and they might open your stupid, stupid idiot-mind, Steve.
In summary: Steve is dumb, don’t be like dumb Steve, don’t be a little insular dummy, have fun reading about the experiences of other human beings.
