Okay, actually that’s a lie. I’m actually a shameless flirt and pretty decent at it if I’m being narcissistic. I don’t flirt in a forward or sexual way, so don’t go thinking of me like that, but more in the “I’ve watched too many episodes of Gilmore Girls and M*A*S*H back to back and my mind is now pretty much nothing but quick thinking snark and pick up lines” kind of way. And I’m not going to lie, it’s fun; I like conversations that are full of quips and games, maybe even a few good-natured barbs tossed back and forth. It just so happens, that comes off as flirting. Which isn’t so bad, except I’m so used to doing it, I’m not always sure when someone is flirting back.
Okay, that’s actually a lie too. I NEVER know when someone is flirting back. My friends actually have to tell me — which, all in all, is a bit embarrassing. Not to mention, my friends aren’t always around. So, sometimes I spend a night at a bar having great conversations while a good band plays in the background, and maybe even convince a person to try their hand at dancing, and I don’t even realise I probably should have asked for a phone number until I’ve driven all the way home and there isn’t a thing I can do about it now.
You’d think I’d have learned from my mistakes, or that someone who is a self-confessed flirt wouldn’t have problems asking a person for their number. But in actuality, I’m really shy. Give me the Myers-Briggs and I’m an INFP every time. And for those that aren’t familiar with what those 4 letters mean, the ‘I’ stands for introvert, and interacting with people can really stress me out. So when you get down to it, the flirting is actually a defence mechanism — a bit of play acting when I’m too nervous to remember life isn’t a sitcom.
In the end, I usually feel like a bit of a fool for half of the things I say, and a complete fool for the things I didn’t. All those normal little sentences regular people might say, all those subtle little words people can casually speak without hesitation that escape me, haunt me. It wasn’t a real problem back when I was surrounded by a good close-knit group of friends, but now I’m in a new city. I’m having to fend for myself, and what that really comes down to is way more Ted Mosby moments than I’m proud of.