The Devil’s Applebee’s (or why I am a writer)

One of my father’s favorite sayings is “like a fish to water,” he used it the first time I said I wanted to be an artist when I grew up and even when I created the job title “archaeologist veterinarian”. Time after time he’s used it after I’ve excelled in a skill, like a fish hopping from bowl to bowl but never being quite happy enough with the PH balance.

I’ve tried out hundreds of different life paths and hobbies, never quite sticking with one, but when it came to writing I never felt like I was in water, or even a fish for that matter. It didn’t come as naturally as art, and wasn’t something I could teach myself how to do just from watching. It wasn’t like when I would watch reruns of Good Eats and then try to cook an omelette even though my pigtails couldn’t even see over the counter. Writing was hard, is still hard, but time after time I come back to it because I would legitimately lose my mind if I didn’t.

Believe me, if I could save myself the pain of this life I would. I would pack my bags, descend straight to hell, and live the rest of my life as a hostess at the devil’s applebee’s. We would have a really nice 2 for $20 menu for you and your partner in eternal damnation; but the service is hellish, and your beer comes just slightly too warm for you to get the thought that “maybe it’s pee” out of your mind.

I’m leaning back in my chair now, hands previously covering eyes as I sent a groan straight into space. I’m supposed to be talking about why I am a writer, but maybe in a way I just answered my own question. When I write I can let loose and really let my mind go wherever it wants. Because sometimes my head is like a bowling ball full of hornets and they all share a rock tumbler; but when I write it feels like I can finally just breathe.

So yes, it’s terrifying sometimes and applebee’s looks like a more appealing choice on some days but, I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Because the day I started writing, and decided to keep writing, was the day I considered myself a writer. So here I sit, with my head full of hornets, and continue to type.