The Profile: The Corporate Drug Dealer & The Millennial Making $700K Flipping Burgers

You guys tired of hearing about cryptocurrency/blockchain/ICOs?

I’m tired of the New York Post explainers, the alarmist IT’S A BUBBLE RUN articles, and the random PR emails inviting me to attend a bitcoin conference in Kyrgyzstan.

As I learned, though, the hype has reached a new level. Yesterday, my hairdresser was talking to me about investing in Bitcoin and ethereum. Nowhere is safe — not even the hair salon on 81st and 2nd.

In this week’s Profile, we’ve got everything but Bitcoin:

The Oscar-winner trying to put you at ease
The millennial making $700K flipping burgers
The most caffeinated man in America
The corporate drug dealer
The toy company embracing the man bun

The Oscar-winner trying to put you at ease. I used to be insecure about the fact that my name was long & hard to spell. (Looking at you, Starbucks baristas.) But Moonlightstar Mahershalalhashbaz Ali one-upped me there. This wouldn’t be a big deal if it didn’t lead to an appearance on the terrorist watch list post-9/11 or cops stopping him to check his ID. Although these experiences have messed with his head, he says, they’ve certainly played a role in shaping his acting career.
“I think I identify with characters who have to make themselves smaller. Because that’s been my experience, as a large black man, to make people feel safer.” [‘Mahershala Ali Thinks We Can Still Make this Country Great,’ GQ]
The millennial making $700K flipping burgers: If I told you that a 32-year-old, Cornell grad named Daniel Schwartz was cleaning toilets at Burger King, you’d be like “Damn Daniel, what happened?” (lol sorry I had to.) As the new CEO of the burger giant, he immersed himself in all parts of the business, cut company perks, & grew sales by 30%. So, thank you Daniel, for proving millennials are not all selfies, Tinder, and unicorn frappucinos (in that order).
“You have to work really, really hard to put yourself in a position to get lucky.” [‘How a 36-year-old Wall Street prodigy saved Burger King,’ Business Insider]

The most caffeinated man in America: Former Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz would cringe if he knew I chose a frappucino over an espresso this morning. Schultz is a control freak when it comes to coffee. He once tried to remove all sandwiches from the menu because the smell of cheese “overwhelmed” the coffee aromas. This profile makes you realize Schultz’s neuroticism is the reason why there’s a Starbucks next to my grandmother’s house in Bulgaria.
“If you’re a control freak and there’s 20,000 stores waiting for you to tell them what to do, it’s not going to work.” [‘Howard Schultz Has Something Left to Prove,’ Fortune]
The corporate drug dealer: The largest drug dealer in America rakes in $200 billion per year, operates legally, and has never been imprisoned. Meanwhile, the addicts are losing their lives at an alarming rate. McKesson, the nation’s largest drug distributor, is getting accused for helping fuel the opioid epidemic. Its response? “Hey, we’re just middlemen.” Tell that to this West Virginia sheriff who has seen his community get absolutely decimated by prescription pills. Heartbreaking story but truly a must-read.
“In my thinking, [the drug wholesalers] are no different than drug dealers selling on the street.” [‘Giant Drug Distributor McKesson Is Feeling the Pain,’ Fortune]
The toy company embracing the man bun: Ken is getting an entire body makeover. Washboard abs are out and “dadbod” is in (ugh thx millennials). Mattel, the company behind Barbie & friends, released a line of slightly-less-vanilla Ken dolls. You’ve got the slim Ken with the cornrows & the mixed-race Ken with the man bun. I’m glad Mattel is making its dolls more reflective of the world we live in, but did we really have to add the “The Camo Comeback” Ken? Ken does not need to be wearing camo cargo shorts.
“From this day forward, Ken doesn’t always have to look like the most basic frat bro ever to get a B- in econ. He can be complicated, mysterious — maybe even vegan.” [‘The Ken Doll Reboot: Beefy, Cornrowed, and Pan-Racial,’ GQ]

If you’re not a subscriber but want to be, sign up here :)
And if you liked this newsletter & want to get on the fast track to becoming my best friend, all you have to do is tweet about it ❤