Smackdown Live, Live Blog, 8/9/2016

Uncle Deano Forever

Recap:

1. Randy Orton has a backstage interview. He explains that it only takes one RKO to get to Suplex City, because RKO flights are direct out of Viperville. Alberto Del Rio interrupts, smirking. I’m certain there is a match between the two later tonight, and I’m actually excited for it.
2. The opening credits play. Afterwards, Bray Wyatt comes out with Eric Rowan, who I had thought was on Raw until Mauro Ranallo and a recap remind me that he ran in last week and helped Bray beat up Dolph Ziggler and Dean Ambrose. Bray launches into a promo, proving yet again that he’s the angstiest Dusty Rhodes impersonator in all of his local community theater. Rowan proves he is the best at standing. Bray explains that there is no red, there is no blue, there is just Bray Wyatt against “the whole damn world!” It’s a good promo. Ambrose’s music hits. Uncle Deano comes out and calls Bray on his victim act, makes fun of Rowan, and then calls “Reverend Bray” a baby. He debates hopping into the ring, saying two-on-one is a bad idea, but that he doesn’t care. This promo is incredible. Dolph Ziggler arrives. He charges the Wyatts. Ambrose joins him. The two men have set aside their differences briefly in order to deal with these — oh, they get trashed. Ziggler accidently superkicks Ambrose, knocking him out. JBL questions if this superkick was truly accidental. The Wyatts exit, closing a great first segment.
3. Dolph and Dean meet backstage. They are heated with each other, in one another’s face, each blaming the other for the mess up earlier. Shane and GM Daniel Bryan interrupt them, telling them to cool off. We’re left with the image of Dean and Dolph staring each other down, and I can’t help but want this to all end in a tag match where the two men become the team of “DnD.” No? Just me? Fine.
4. American Alpha enters, squaring off for a match with Vinnie O’shea and Mike Vega, who you haven’t heard of because they’re screwed. Before the match can start, the Ascension comes out. Then the Vaudevillains come out. And now Zack Ryder and Mojo Rawley are here. Apparently, all these tag teams are here to watch American Alpha and see what this team is all about. It also reminds viewers that, yes, Smackdown’s tag division has teams on it. American Alpha absolutely slaughter their opposition. The other teams jump up on the apron and attack American Alpha, except for Ryder and Rawley, who understand that they are good guys and team up with Alpha. The bad guys are sent running. This was an awesome, quick segment.
5. Renalo tells us Eva Marie makes her in-ring debut after the break. After the break, I instead see the Miz and Maryse in an interview segment with Rene Young. Instead of submitting to her interview, the Miz goggles Maryse, and then the two crawl atop the table and look about ready to make out. Rene jumps between them, suggesting we instead look at a highlight reel of Apollo Crews. We look at a highlight reel of Apollo Crews. When we come back, Miz and Maryse are prostrate on the table, gazing into each other’s eyes. They answer Rene’s questions without looking at her. This is wonderful. Rene seems completely lost, so she sends the audience back to the ring. JBL thinks this was great. I agree, but for different, less creepy-old-man-reasons.
6. We are given our promised Eva Marie. This is packaged alongside Becky Lynch. They’re going to try their match again. This time, Eva makes it past her pose without being injured. Then her top pops off. The ref gives her a towel and sends her to the back. They then call the match off. Becky Lynch is pissed. She does an in-ring interview and calls out anyone else in the back who can actually wrestle. Alexa Bliss answers the challenge, doing some mic work on her way to the ring. It is not memorable. Mauro Ranallo tells us it is Alexa Bliss’s birthday, which does not make it more memorable.
7. We come back from the break and Alexa Bliss is beating the crap out of Becky. She’s trying to get some heat, but the crowd is quiet. Becky teases a comeback. The crowd gets into it. Becky makes her comeback with a lot of fire. Mauro Ranallo compares her to Harely Quinn with a baseball bat, which is very timely. Eva Marie interrupts the match by walking out. This distracts Becky for no reason, and Alexa Bliss gets the pin. Eva Marie gets an interview, explaining that she feels bad for Becky. Her acting here is as good as it has been for five seasons of the E Channel reality show Total Divas.
8. Randy Orton comes out. The announcers and visuals recap the Lesnar/Orton feud thus far. Then Del Rio comes out, and I’m ready to have some good, 2008-style wrestling. This match is good. Del Rio works a cowardly heel style, retreating between the ropes twice throughout the match and using the steps to soften Randy’s arm for the cross-arm breaker. Those cowardly touches help define his role against Randy, who works viciously no matter what his alignment is. Randy lays in some solid European uppercuts. Randy sells his arm, especially when Del Rio locks in the arm breaker across the ropes. This ties the match’s narrative into the build for Lesnar/Orton, which I now hope will feature a Kimura lock. Match ends in a DQ when Del Rio smashes Orton’s arm twice with a chair. He goes for a third chair shot and gets an RKO for his troubles. Good match.
9. Backstage, Rhyno has a conversation with Heath Slater. They have a match tonight to determine if Heath Slater can get a contract for Smackdown Live. Slater asks if Rhyno can lose to help him out. Rhyno explains that he won a primary election last week— which is real and happened in real-time while he was goring Slater on TV— so he can’t let his constituents down by losing. Rhyno does not explain how wrestling is part of his political duties or how being victorious helps his constituents. Whatever, he’s fucking Rhyno, and this segment is funny enough. Let’s do this.
10. Earlier today, Miz arrived at Smackdown and did a product placement commercial for Scooby-Doo: Curse of the Speed Demon. Miz tried to make it funny. It was not funny. Scooby-Doo stole his Audi.
11. Slater and Rhyno have their match. Slater loses. His chances of a Smackdown contract were just “GORED!” (Thank you, Mauro.)
12. Shane and Daniel Bryan decide to sign him anyway, but then he interrupts them, references Suicide Squad, declares he hates Smackdown, and storms out. Shane and the Yes Man decide not to hire him.
13. Carmella comes out, and I’m still baffled by how she’s on this roster. She says Natalya made a mistake attacking her from behind last week, so Natalya attacks her from behind this week. They have a match. Natalya is the condescending, technical heel, but taps to Carmella’s Code of Silence submission maneuver. It’s a good match, with Natalya putting over a younger talent. Solid work.
14. Rene Young recaps the show so far and sets up the SummerSlam card, then intros a montage of the Styles/Cena feud. The montage highlights a great feud, with plenty of reality bent into their promos.
15. After the six minute montage, we see Baron Corbin slam Kalisto into a wall and strangle him for “ruining” his shot at the Intercontinental Championship. Corbin looks vicious, and leaves Kalisto lying on the concrete as medics come to help him.
16. Team DnD comes out and stands in the ring. Neither man looks happy to be teamed up, or in this match. It’s good seeing some fire in Dolph’s character again. The Wyatts come out, and commentary explains that, despite my DnD moniker, Dolph and Dean are not teammates, so they are probably screwed. The two work well to demonstrate their characters’ natural friction with on another, and the duct-tape and bailing wire way by which they maintain their work. Somehow they pull out the victory.
17. Even though they win, Ambrose turns and drops Ziggler with the Dirty Deeds. Smackdown Live goes off the air with Ziggler on his back in the ring, knocked out by the champion.

Takeaways:

1. Push — The entire tag team roster is being pushed in a big way. Daniel Bryan teased last week on Talking Smack that a new tag championship for Smackdown is in the works, but the show isn’t content to wait. Trotting out the entire division was a good statement, and though they might not be as impressive as the rest of the show, that roster has promise. American Alpha being given a squash match was interesting, as it builds them up nicely.
2. Pull — It seems like they’re pulling back on Bray Wyatt. Letting the Wyatts — an experienced tag team — beat Ambrose and Ziggler would have made sense, and also contributed to the tension between the two losers as they went into their match at SummerSlam. It shakes their confidence and gives them another point of contention. Instead, the Wyatts lost, and Dean dropped Ziggler in a post-match attack. It works, but is it better?
3. Buy—Rene’s recaps and backstage panel segments from the Talking Smack set are interesting. This continues to give Smackdown Live a different feel than Raw, and highlights Rene Young as one of the best correspondents on the WWE payroll
4. Sell — Becky shouldn’t lose a match because Eva Marie walks out on the stage. If Eva Marie interfered, pulled her out of the ring, or distracted the referee, then that’s one thing. But babyfaces shouldn’t be stupid enough to be distracted. A stupid hero is a hero the crowd turns on, and I lose sympathy for Becky when I see her make mistakes like this. This is a sporting competition, and your heroes should keep their heads in the game.
5. Bold predictions — Not a ground-breaking prediction, but I’m guessing this Alexa Bliss and Eva Marie cooperation results in the two becoming a tag team. We know Eva Marie has tried to get a “yellow and red” tag team off the ground on a few occasions (perhaps I only know this from my shameful, shameful viewing of all of Total Divas, but whatever) so this is a possibility.
6. Why you should be watching — Because it’s two tight hours of programming with varied matches and cinched-down storytelling. Also, we have Mauro Ranallo, who is one of the best announcers in the business.