SENSIBLE REAL NEWS ARTICLE
Breaking News: Oprah Winfrey and Jim Carrey Announce Their Engagement 💍👰🏾🤵🏻
Honest to God (yes, him), this is actual real news that has actually happened for real
WARNING: This article contains the word “fuck” a few times. Not too many times, though. About the right amount.
“I’ve literally never been so excited in my entire life!”
When something like this happens, nothing else compares. It’s so unexpected and yet so perfect that it defies all explanation, even an irrational one. No words, even made-up ones, can begin to describe it, never mind actually finish describing it.
But I’m going to attempt to do it anyway because, well, why the hell not? We only live once, as far as we know. So, I’m going to grab the bull by the horns and ride it like a maniac until I crash into a glass door I didn’t realise was there.
And the best part is, it all makes total sense. Every single word of it. And that’s no lie because I’m not capable of lying because I had that part of my brain removed. I may have had some other parts of my brain removed at the same time.
