A therapist friend taught me that mothers always make mistakes, it is the nature of mothers to make mistakes because if they were perfect, then their children would never be able to cut the umbilical cord and become independent and autonomous human beings.
Although it was given as a joke, the advice has helped me a lot throughout my "years of motherhood." Especially in those dark moments when we doubt ourselves, our competence, and our love for our child.
Yes, because these moments happen. Mothers get tired, angry, and want to give up... some, a few, thank God, give up, but that's not what we're talking about, right?
The first thing I would say to you is that feeling guilty about being angry and spanking your daughter is neither a solution to the problem nor very fair to yourself.
But praying for her isn’t exactly a solution either. One of the greatest scholars of baby development, Laurence Pernoud, explains that "two years is a kind of adolescence." And, if you think about it, right? At two years old, your daughter already knows how to do so many things.
And two years is such a short time, after all! She has already learned to eat alone, to walk, to talk, and she knows how to recognize a lot of objects and beings. Slowly, she begins to separate yesterday from today, the before and the after.
Try stopping for five minutes and making a mental list of everything your daughter has had to learn since birth: simple things, very complex things... The list doesn’t seem to end.
Of all the challenges, however, perhaps The biggest thing is learning that she is something different from you and that this is good but not always. Sometimes she thinks she is a baby; sometimes she wants to be a "big girl," sometimes you treat her like a baby, sometimes a big girl.
Worse, there are times when she wants to be big, to go on other adventures, to cross the street without your hand, to run without needing to hear "be careful". but there are those other times when she misses being little and the bravery. Everything ends... No, nothing; life at two years old is not easy! It’s a shame that we grow up and no longer remember.
Understanding what's going on in your daughter's head helps. Understanding that she would like to do everything herself but can't and that it must be horrible to see adults laugh at her clumsy attempts is, without a doubt, a good way to start.
But you will need more than that. "Limit" is the buzzword, and experts, such as 'supernannies,' never tire of saying it to mothers.
To continue with Laurence Pernoud, the recommendation is clear: "Don't let yourself be tyrannized; if she asks for something impossible, say no firmly and keep saying no."Easy.
No. Firstly, because mothers sometimes exaggerate the "no". It's so much quicker and easier to tie your child's sneakers than to let them try to do it themselves... And then eat? I had a friend who fed her daughter until she was five!!!
And she complained that the girl didn't like to eat! Learning to eat is training that, at the very least, will leave marks on your kitchen, clothes, and highchair, but between us, the best photo I have of my middle son is one in which he displays the proudest smile in the world. On your face, all smeared with yogurt!
"No" is an easy word to say and difficult to honor. For me, the warning came from my husband: "Your 'no' isn’t worth anything anymore." he said one day, "You’re saying no to everything!" He was right.
Then, because having children is a fabulous exercise in negotiation. "Maria, are you coming for dinner?" "No" (she imitates me). Two alternatives: "Come now," and then the risk of a scene starts to grow dangerously. Or "What are you doing?" "Playing with Barbie".
"Hmmm, is she hungry, Barbie?" The chances of Maria feeling treated like a "big girl" agreeing that dinner might be a good idea increase greatly, don't they?
Need to exercise your imagination? Can’t you always maintain your momentum after working all day? Doesn’t it always work?
It’s all true, but no one said it would be easy. But every mother, when she reaches my age and sees her children leave home and travel the world, feels deep in her heart that every minute was worth it because nothing is so stimulating, so fascinating, and makes us feel so alive. than being a mother of a small child.
