Everyday has its weights
Not quite sure how it works around there, but everyday I got that feeling that I’m nearing the end of the game.
Running on fumes, turning the corner, barely scraping by. Call it as you wish. The point is: me, at my sweet 26, with my "athlete’s history" and no underlying health conditions.
Yeah, it’s probably just my overly anxious tendencies or hypochondriacal thinking, imagining all the things that could happen to me. Need examples? Natural disasters, various accidents, or even those rare diseases you read about after feeling a strange twinge and immediately turning to Google.
I’m not sure why this apocalyptic vibe of the end times keeps haunting me. It’s like I’m about to get some awful phone call with the worst news ever, like a loved one passing away.
I guess I’m trying to mentally prepare myself for that moment, even though there’s no rehearsed or emulated reaction that can truly match it. I try to think about it from now and then to numb the impact and lessen the blow, as it becomes increasingly clear that time doesn’t stop or wait for anyone.
Everyday begins and ends, and in the blink of an eye, all can change.
What once was, no longer is, and so on. Life’s force is unstoppable; I just hope it’s not too much to handle. That’s why we should all aim to be humble and kind-hearted. That’s really all that matters in the grand scheme of things.
I'm reading this book about a true pilgrimage, but I still find myself getting worked up over trivial things that I can’t control. Even after hearing about someone who spent over 40 days trekking towards some destination, enduring tons of pain and suffering, I still find myself snapping at people now and then.
Even though I feel in their words the essence of what really matters in life, there are moments when I can’t stand being contradicted. It’s life’s ironies, or in my case, hypocrisies, since I’m aware of them.
I know I need to improve on these aspects — and life, being as cunning as it is, already sends me these subtle messages to make me better observe my behavior.
Keep paying attention to the small things is the key; I just need to find that fine line to shield myself from my dear agonies and simple neuroses.
I shall continue my search.
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