RELATIONSHIPS
Is Grooming the Same as Age-Gap Relationships?
“Ah, he must be a groomer because he’s dating a young lady!”
As someone who writes about and deals with age-gap and interracial relationships, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve heard such sentiments. I’ve encountered people who express concerns, “Marie, isn’t he a little too old for the lady?”
My usual response is a smile, followed by a no. I also take the time to explain that in the company I work for, we always verify that everyone who signs up with us is of legal age and is fully capable of making their own choices.
I’m actually grateful for their concern. It shows that, as a society, we’ve progressed to the point of vigilance when it comes to relationships. Grooming, after all, is a serious concern. It could lead to heinous crimes.
That’s why, in addition to being vigilant, I believe we should be knowledgeable. That way, our vigilance translates to real protection. It won’t lead us to suspecting couples who just happen to have a significant age-gap between them.
Grooming vs. Age-Gap Relationships
Age-gap relationships are usually easy to spot. One partner is much older than the other. Often, people would say about that partner, “He’s old enough to be her father!” because it’s typically the man who’s older.
And that’s it. That’s what an age-gap relationship is. The younger partner may well be 40 years old by the time they start dating a 65-year-old, and that would still be a considerable age gap.
But you wouldn’t think of that as grooming, now, would you?
That’s because grooming is much more complex than just a gap in age. It involves a gap in maturity and self-awareness. It involves a serious power imbalance. The purpose is malicious. And contrary to popular knowledge, a person can be groomed by someone younger or the same age as they are, as in the case of online romance scams.
So the next time you see an age-gap couple and feel concerned, here are some things you should think of:
- Is the younger partner of legal age? This would depend upon different laws, of course.
- Are they emotionally and mentally mature enough to understand the relationship?
- Are both parties in the relationship there of their own free will, without being manipulated or coerced by their partner?
- Do the couple’s respective friends and families know about, support, and accept their relationship?
I’m not an expert and that list isn’t adequate. So I encourage all readers to do their own diligent research.
Grooming and Age-Gap Relationships Are Not the Same
Age-gap relationships will always attract attention, it would seem. Many people will look at it and frown. That’s just the way it is sometimes.
But it still shouldn’t be confused with grooming. This approach is more than just being inclusive and fair-minded, it’s also about upholding truth.
The only end goal a perpetrator who grooms their target aims for is their own. In grooming, one person is bound to end up a victim.
But age-gap relationships have as an end goal a mutually beneficial partnership between a couple. And mutually beneficial relationships, whether they’re romantic or otherwise, keep communities strong.
We should remember the difference. That way, we can protect those who need protection without subjecting anyone to unfair judgment.
