… I would judge a writing competition

If I Were a Billionaire Writer for A Day

(Reader Advisory: Explicit Lies)

Two billionaire writers, thinking about buying a new art piece for their writing room — Boston Public Library

In May, the Deluded Custodians, Inc. increased its market value by a record-breaking 27% and became one of the top stocks in the writing world.

It was teamwork.

Of course, it wouldn’t have been possible without the enlightened leadership of

Ann James

, the founder and CEO, but every member of the team contributed.

In typical capitalist fashion, only one of them got rewarded for their efforts.

If I were a billionaire for a day, I would change that. I would give all the Deluded Custodians a hefty bonus. They would be rich! Rich writers! It sounds impossible, I know, but we are still allowed to dream.

When I bounced this idea off the team, the reactions were mixed.

• “But in this world, another pile of dung is waiting for me to clean up.” —
  Uzi Landsmann
• “When you get to the bottom, you bounce.” —
  Allan Ishac
• “I’ll be in big, big trouble if I’m caught.” —
  Nichola Scurry
• “Of course, I can’t say f__k, or write it.” —
  J. Crispin-Ripley
• “The enduring heartbreak that manifests itself…