I’ve finally found my calling. After years of failing to gain traction as a writer on Medium, I’ve discovered my true talent — leaving absolutely fire comments on other people’s articles.
My own stories barely break double-digit claps, but my responses? They’re modern-day Hemingway. “This resonated with me” has earned me more acclaim than my 3,899-word emotional essay on getting trapped in an IKEA for three days and starting a micro-civilization in the bedroom display section.
I’ve mastered the art of supportive comments. “Needed this today!” is my magnum opus, regularly pulling in at least 327 claps. My “Great piece!” series has a cult following. And don’t even get me started on the time I wrote “Facts!” and nearly broke Medium’s servers.
Meanwhile, my latest article, “How I Made $49 Million Dollars Writing About How To Make Money Writing About Making Money,” sits untouched like six-week-old sushi at a gas station.
I’ve hired twelve statistics professors to analyze my stats. The results were clear — my comments about other people’s writing are exactly 6,843% more successful than my actual writing. They suggested I pivot to becoming a…
