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IT’S THE MAY DELUDED CUSTODIANS CHALLENGE

My Perilous Career as a Quantum Data Smuggler

When data science goes rogue, Nic is there

4 min readMay 19, 2025

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A film noir style mule in a dark alley.
One of my quantum data smuggling mules, AI enhanced

The other day, I got myself a new job after being head-hunted on LinkedIn by a recruitment agent who calls himself Smillew.

As they say on that job-bragging platform, “I’m delighted to share that I’m now a quantum data smuggler, earning hundreds of thousands more than you.”

In case you’re wondering, a quantum data smuggler is like a data scientist, only cooler. And much more dangerous. Jeopardous even.

Smillew hired me because he was impressed with my previous work as a bicycle courier delivering feta to restaurants on the small Greek island of Hydra.

So what I do now is courier quantum-encrypted feta-data across highly-regulated networks. I bypass anyone on the lookout for feta by embedding bits of it into my brain. Hidden thusly, my clients’ feta is undetectable by Big Brother Antonio.

Well, at least I hope it is. Cos I’ll be in big, big trouble if I’m caught. Sent to the naughty corner and all.

If you’re wondering why it’s dangerous to be a quantum data smuggler, I’ll tell you. If you’re not wondering, I’ll still tell you.

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The Pub
The Pub

Published in The Pub

When you have something to write but no one wants to read it

Nichola Scurry
Nichola Scurry

Written by Nichola Scurry

Not a data scientist. If you like my writing, I like coffee. ko-fi.com/nicscurry

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