Out, Out Gringo Diablo!
Exploring identity in a moderno theater workshop.
I did a thing last week! It’s always a little bit of shock how much my ego can thrive on a thing, like I can literally pump endorphins and improve my posture from making a perfect grilled cheese. That said, applying for, and gaining entry to a free theater workshop is objectively a nice opportunity; and my application in Spanish, checked by a robot, required zero corrections. Maybe I am improving…
The beauty of being a naïve gringo artist in Mexico City, is that virtually every experience is a chance to learn, a chance to make mistakes largely free of expectations or consequences. My Spanish is intermediate, my ability to contribute is limited but also present in the minimalist style. Smiles are free, real shit peeps. Every day is another chance to STFU and lean into active listening. My privilege list is quite long; I know! Perhaps consider a five year old with a credit card in a real life version of Candyland.
Little bit of a shithead down in Gumdrop Acres, if we’re honest.
The theme of the workshop was “identity”, I don’t have a great deal of experience in contemporary theater, but it did seem like this is a topic of the current cultural zeitgeist, so check on the contemporary. Despite my lack of theater experience- my commitment as an actor was real. Pretty much all I gots- as I have been trained in improv comedy. In fact “Commitment!” still rings in my ears from a classic teacher yell in one of my classes. The narrative isn’t really the focus in improv, nobody gives a shit if the bear ever fixed the bicycle in your make em’ ups. So yeah, I find it easy to detach from the results, and let the process make whatever.
I also understand that humans have bias, and that we would likely be exploring that within the format of the workshop. It is an important topic, so hell yeah. Yet, I am down to clown first and foremost. They make you take a secret oath in the improv cult- I can’t say anything else about it, I have probably said too much already.
So yeah I went there- whitey the white dude reporting for duty! But this was not improv, this was the bold frontier of contemporary theater. There is an accomplished director, there is a format and a narrative to abide. From my perspective it was structured thusly: the application consists of probing questions with regard to identity, the questions provided entry to authentic discussion on day one, the director utilized the organic ideas to discover areas of conflict, the conflict was elevated through an exploration of cliché, then a war breaks out and everybody winds up dead. Art is made!
My contribution was the delivery of a cutting cliché from an outsider- dickey the gringo, which sets off the dark impulses of humanity as envisioned by the director. A series of violent imaginings: fight scene, decapitation, the eating of human flesh, machine gunning resulting in a certain hand jerking motion, which finally crescendos to a self inflicted head shot. The bold, ragged edge of contemporary theater!
I mean jeez- I accept all art cause I’m a fucking professional. But getting rubbed on ain’t it. I get to decide in the packed subway where that line is- between overcrowded human contact and a bit too comfortably nestled in my ass crack.
I will always maintain that every individual gets to decide what is offensive, bad taste, and even abuse to them. Yes, this is something I had to learn, I ain’t from Finland. It isn’t for me to determine what causes pain to others, I can only commit to listening to what that is and to avoiding being the cause of it. Let me be clear, I am not playing the victim, I am not in pain, I played a character and could have walked away from the work at any moment. I chose to trust the group, the process and the director, even if the production was distasteful or even just lame for me.
The group gave me real empathy and understanding, freely and said so out loud. This was my big takeaway, I gave them trust, I played my part for the group and the process, and it worked out in the end. I may have even made some friends. I think my fellow actors would say the same. I don’t think the work itself will really move the needle of our current culture, or lead to a tangible benefit, but it is likely I am wrong, I really don’t have much of a basis to say that. I only really know the needle moved for me, the thing that art and love always does.
