Responding To An Email From F*CK EXPRESS
Dear FUCK EXPRESS,
Forgive me for my late response. Your email seems to have been caught in my spam folder by mistake. I can only hope I have not missed my chance at joining the FUCK EXPRESS.
I must admit, I blushed when I first read your subject line. “Me?” I thought. “On the FUCK EXPRESS? Surely there must have been a mix up!” But then I received it — a second email in my spam folder: “TIME RUNNING OUT FOR FUCK EXPRESS.” It was as if I were Saint Thomas and you’d offered up the hole in your hands so that I could see — and believe.
It is nice to feel invited and accepted into a community — something larger than myself. I get so caught up in the day-to-day minutia that I find I miss out on simple joys like FUCK EXPRESS. Your email was the wakeup call I needed.
I’m the timid sort, I’m afraid to say. You probably sensed that. I don’t usually take big risks or jump into new situations breezily. But when you asked me whether I’d like to “LAST LONGER THAN EVER,” I felt a certain kinship that put me at ease. I’ve often reflected on how long I would like to last. Perhaps forever. Or perhaps the reality that someday this will all end is what makes the present so very precious. These are things I will continue to contemplate once I have joined the FUCK EXPRESS.
Oh, I know it will not always be easy on the FUCK EXPRESS. You’ve made it clear things will “GET HARDER AND STAY HARDER.” You should know, I do not shy away from a challenge. I may not be the most adventurous or outgoing person, but when I commit, I commit. And I will commit to FUCK EXPRESS. You have my word on that.
So, do I want to “JOIN THE FUCK EXPRESS NOW”? I suppose the shorter answer is, Yes. Indeed, a thousand times yes. I’m very much looking forward to getting to know you better, and I hope you’ll enjoy getting to know me more, too.
I can’t wait to begin my new and “ENHANCED PERFORMANCE,” as it were. Thank you, FUCK EXPRESS.
Sincerely yours,
