The Deluded Custodians May Winner

Ann James
The Pub
Published in
2 min readJun 2, 2024


There are 2424 results for “12” on Unsplash. This is one of them. Photo by Weston Eichner on Unsplash

Twelve contestants vied for the May D. C. challenge with song parodies, lyrical rewrites, and memoirs.

May Deluded Custodians Entries

12 stories
Press photo of the rap groups, Run DMC and the Beastie Boys.
A greyscale photo of a woman smoking a cigarette in a car as it rains.

Grandma Smillew led the way in a one-horse open sleigh. Asking if the judges be drunk.

Next, Nichola Scurry’s “Groinsloives” was full-on bonzer, with helpful advice about three Aussie beers best not be drunken.

Number 3 with a bullet, Victor Cardenas whaled out some country blues, truck broke down, dog lost his balls, stuck in Folsom. Again.

Pedro Plantain, Ryan Klemek’s alter ego, danced on stage with The Flaming Lips, having more brass than Tijuana, in front of 20,000 spectators.

We don’t want our children to own a home
All we want we can buy on Amazon

from PatrickMH’s parody of Tina Turner’s “We Don’t Need Another Hero”

Ann James’ Lucy Furr is in deep doo-doo with Santa Claus and 86'd from Sportsman’s Outlet while boosting a new hat for Smillew.

The Sublime Nancy Santos accidentally entered the D. C. contest when she tagged several of those…



Ann James
The Pub

Her writing muse lurks in the volcanic hills amidst mustangs, marmots and jackalopes. While hiking with her dogs, Ann stumbles upon stories of dark humor.