THIS IS SATIRE. OR IS IT?

THIS IS A GREAT TIME TO SELL!

A message from the President of the Unites States

Image source: Gage Skidmore, Wikimedia Commons, Public Domain

Dear citizens of the United States,

As you may have figured out by now, I like to wreck shit.

I like to pick unprovoked fights, slap tariffs like extra cheese on my burgers. I do it with friends, enemies, neighbors, shithole countries, and penguin colonies.

I like to watch markets go up and down.

I LOVE THE ATTENTION! I LOVE THE POWER! WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK I TWEET IN ALL CAPS? WHY ELSE DO YOU THINK I WRAP MY FACE IN THE AMERICAN FLAG ON MY TRUTH SOCIAL PROFILE PIC?

I’ve got 75 countries kissing my ass, begging to make a deal. (Not really. But it sounds nice, doesn’t it?)

‘Please sir, can I make a deal? Please, please!’

That’s at least how I imagine it. And the people I surround myself all agree with me. They don’t have a choice but to agree. Otherwise I’ll go FULL APPRENTICE on them —

‘YOU’RE FIRED!’