Abuse ≠ Entertainment
Has reality TV gone too far?
I’m not afraid to admit that I love trashy, reality TV. I live for drama and I feed off the chaos that comes from watching 24 wannabe Instagram models and influencers fight for the affection of one D-class celebrity. But when does reality TV cross a line? And how do we differentiate between jovial entertainment and the normalisation of abusive traits?
The latest in a long list of reality TV shows that I consume is Bachelor in Paradise Australia, where rejected Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants are shipped off to the Fijian Islands for one more chance at ‘true love’. What follows is a month of drama, backstabbing and tears, overly dramatized by voiceovers and intense background music. As I sat down to watch it this year, I noticed some of the contestants acting in an inappropriate way — that is, more than usual. But as the show continued, it became clear that these were not just your classic dramatic moments to make up for those free-to-air views but serious issues that need to be addressed and frankly, should never have been broadcast in the first place. Let’s take a look at the main culprits…
Ivan — the abuser
Health Direct defines emotional abuse as “one person maintaining power or control over another person.” There are different types of emotional abuse including (and not limited to) verbal attacks or threats, restricting a person’s freedom, making a person feel scared or threatened, actively isolating someone and acting in a jealous way. Throughout Bachelor in Paradise, Ivan has done every single one of these things to fellow contestant Tenille.
A few real-life, actual quotes from him include:
“Tenille is mine.”
“It’s like something out of a movie, it’s so romantic.”
“Be afraid to ask [her on a date] mate.” to Nathan (another guy who was interested in Tenille)
“I punch walls thinking about Tenille with someone else.”
“She’s my girlfriend, she’s my territory to be marked.”
“[Another guy who wanted to talk to Tenille] needs to stop playing with my stuff.”
NO NonononONONO. This is absolutely not okay. Ivan had known Tenille for four days. FOUR. DAYS. They had been on one date.
Jules — the manipulator
Jules’ was an interesting situation. Because of his frosted tips and ‘omg I’ve never had a girlfriend before’ attitude, many viewers found him to be a big contrast to the other boys on the show (aka Ivan and Bill). Throughout his time on the island, Jules pretended to be ‘emotionally aware’ and honest about his feelings. Instead of being smooth and controlling like a typical fuckboy, he displays all the classic symptoms of a ‘softboy.’ His confusion over his feelings for Alisha makes him look honest and, because he’s so ‘open about how he feels’, he is portrayed as a good guy.
Jules strung Alisha (a girl who had genuine feelings for him) along for days with classic softboy lines like, “I’m not sure, I don’t know, I’m an idiot, you’re amazing” He manipulated her for the entire season before telling her he was unable to commit to her and saw her as nothing more than a ‘friend who he kisses’. Thank u, next.
Bill — the gaslighter
Gaslighting can be defined as “manipulating [someone] by psychological means into doubting their own sanity.” Bill here is a classic example of a gaslighter.
Bill and Alex were together in paradise when Bill was whisked away on a date with another contestant named Flo. During the date, he told her there was no one in paradise who was waiting up for him and asked her if she wanted to stay the night. When Alex found out about his actions and confronted him, Bill denied ever saying that to Flo and called her malicious. When Flo confronted him about it, he blatantly lied and even tried to make her think she had made it up. Here is a real conversation that happened:
Flo: “When I was sitting on the balcony with you, you asked again ‘are you sure you don’t want to stay over’. That’s literally what you said.”
Bill: “Bullshit. You’re so malicious you f***ing want to make s**t up because I didn’t give you a rose,”
Flo: “Are you for real? Why would I make that up?”
Bill: “Because you’re malicious and it didn’t go your way,”
In just a few hours, Bill had abused and reduced Flo to tears and convinced Alex that she, too, was crazy for believing her. What makes me the angriest about this situation is that Alex forgave Bill for gaslighting both herself and Flo, and they stayed together in Paradise.
Where’s the responsibility?
What makes it worse, in my opinion, is that the producers did not step in to confront any of these men and tell them that their behaviour is not okay. Instead, they kept on going with the voiceovers and dramatic background music. I understand that ratings are important to a free-to-air TV channel like Channel 10, but when is it a producer’s responsibility to step in if it goes too far?
Domestic violence (DV) and emotional abuse are serious problems. According to the Red Heart Campaign, 17 Australian women have been murdered by a male relative since the beginning of 2019. Coleman et al, discuss the contribution of media to the normalisation and perpetuation of domestic violence and the psychology behind it. They state that ‘there is a growing body of research and literature focused on the mechanisms through which DV is normalized and desensitised in the public’s eye. Such mechanisms include news media coverage of DV, social and cultural perspectives, intergenerational abuse, and even humour used in advertisements and TV shows.”
What kind of message are we sending to young, impressionable Australians when we broadcast this kind of emotional abuse as public entertainment? That actively isolating someone is acceptable behaviour? That gaslighting someone is forgivable? The more we allow for controversial television shows, media coverage and advertisements to glamorise these negative behaviours, the more likely we are to see them as normal. I’m not saying Bachelor in Paradise is the only reality TV show that displays this behaviour, but it needs to be addressed. The sooner we start to realise how serious these issues are, the sooner we, as a society, can fix them.
