Are We Saying Goodbye To TMI?
If you google “what is oversharing?” you’ll be faced with a plethora of “how to” articles around making sure you’re not doing it. Oversharing is almost always portrayed with negative connotations and 9 times out of 10, women are the ones allegedly doing it. What does oversharing really mean though, and could oversharing be one of the most valuable forms of education available online?
Oversharing is described as an interaction where individuals divulge more of their inner feelings, opinions, and sexuality online then they would in person. While in theory harmless, the negative connotations seem to come into play when the topics shared are considered “shameful”.
Carol S. Vance found that women have always been vulnerable to being shamed about sex, and traditional ideas trivialising women’s sexuality have coded sexuality as male. Vance also suggests that when pleasure occupies a small public space and a guilty private place, individuals are not able to become empowered. While the way we view female pleasure is changing, there is still so much that is not taught through sexual education in schools.
When I think back to my experiences with school sex ed, it’s all a bit of a blurring of basic anatomy and a grainy video of childbirth. It began first at the end of primary school and then on and off through the first years of high school, always referencing the same grainy videos and basic anatomy diagrams. The information provided gave me a very basic understanding, but it definitely left something to be desired.
Sexual education was formulated with the intention of giving young people knowledge and an understanding of sex. The curriculum focuses on bodily changes throughout puberty and that these changes bring with them the ability to procreate, however, Susan K. Freeman found that the sex education curriculum “relied heavily on gender socialization to blunt the suggestion that adolescent bodies were ready to engage in sex”.
While it is important for schools to teach sexual education, where are young people to go if the information given doesn’t form a full picture, or in some cases, completely excludes the important parts?
A survey conducted by Equality Rights Alliance, women’s voices for gender equality, in 2015 found that while the majority of young women reported receiving some sort of sex education, the topics covered were limited and outdated.
Many of the concern’s women had about their sexual education were around consent. Alarmingly, almost two thirds of women who took the survey were not taught about consent in their school sex education.
While an alarming figure, it is not surprising that education around things like consent is lacking. Michael Foucault found that we are now identifying sex as a health issue, rather than a means for pleasure and reproduction, and are concerned with seeking what is sexually normal. The sex education system is built around biological terms, protecting yourself against sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. While covering some important topics, it doesn’t challenge gender stereotypes or introduce diversity, and often, due to a lack of emphasis around pleasure, excludes issues such as consent, meaning there are gaps.
Sexual health is an important component of an adolescent’s overall health; however, the discussion of such topics is often perceived as embarrassing and information is not always available to those who wish to seek it. This is where the idea of “oversharing” becomes an incredibly valuable resource, and social media platforms create the perfect environment for this.
Digital spaces where participants are able to be open function as “a durable and accountable help resource”, positively linked to building self-esteem and allowing members to improve knowledge, express emotions and develop interpersonal relationships. Many Facebook groups have arisen, with the aim of creating a platform for women to seek advice and share experiences with others. A common theme throughout these groups is women seeking sexual advice, thinking they are abnormal, and looking for connections with people who may have been in, or are in, similar situations to them.
Girl Related is a closed group on Facebook in which women share experiences and seek advice. The group is filled with questions and stories about female anatomy and sexual encounters. The overall ability for women to come together and discuss topics they find confusing, or to offer insight to others has us seeing a new side to oversharing, one that is powered by its ability to educate and bring peace of mind and community to those who need it.
This creation of a community through the sharing of experiences often classified as shameful brings me back to the days of reading Dolly Magazines in my friends bedrooms, wide eyed over the confessions and questions posed by readers just like me, who were dealing with their own confusion and lack of knowledge, and left to ask a magazine for answers.
The rise of social media affords the visibility of content to a wide audience, allowing these conversations to become more and more prevalent and productive. We no longer need to hide in our bedrooms and are instead taking our concerns and questions online, to the masses of men and women all feeling as insecure as we are.
It is not only Facebook groups that contain all the ingredients of a classic overshare. More and more Instagram influencers are bracing both their sexuality and their online following in order to educate their audience.
It is no secret that Instagram sensation Flex Mami is open about her sex life online. Not only is she a vocal candidate for what she calls “facilitating your own nut”, but she unashamedly takes no topic off the table. Often opening her Instagram stories up to the public to ask questions, Flex Mami is no virgin to oversharing and has created a community rooted in the search for education.
In the same way that we google our symptoms when we are sick, searching for answers about our sexual health online is often overwhelming. Through the rise of online spaces dedicated to filling the gaps in sexual education, the concept of oversharing has gone from a restriction of women’s ability to talk about sexual encounters, to an open conversation that is accessible. Michael Foucault believes that our sexual desires are the truths of ourselves and knowing the truth of these desires is crucial to our self-understanding and happiness. It is therefore imperative that we continue to use oversharing as a means of education, coming together to empower each other, and to share what is on our mind, saying goodbye to the concept of TMI.
