Is My Phone Ruining My Relationship
Technology has become such a stable in the every day lives of people around the world. Once futuristic things, such as instant messaging and FaceTime, now seem less than ordinary. 90% of adults across the globe own a smart phone (Christianson, 2018), you and I being some of then.
As a child growing up in the 00’s, I have grown up in a world of constant connection with others. My private life has been publicly shared with not just my close friends, but also a much wider circle of people, including employers, friends of friends, and even strangers. Does this constant exposure have an impact my relationships?
When I look back at my grandparent’s marriage of 50 years, and my parent’s marriage of 25 years, compared to the failed marriages of those who’s life has constantly been in the public eye — Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth, I’m looking at you — I start to wonder if my marriage will experience this same longevity.
With more than 50% of marriages ending in divorce in 2018 (Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, 2019), it begs the question, what effect is technology, and social media having on our relationships?
Our smart phones provide 3 key affordances that negatively affect our relationships. These are the facilitation of instant messaging through apps such as Messages, Facebook Messenger, Snapchat, and other messaging services; access to a wider Varity of people than ever before through dating apps such as Tinder; and instant gratification and an elevated sense of self due to the ‘Like’ function provided on social media.
One of the key affordances that smart phones facilitate is the ability for instant messaging. Users have constant contact with all outside influences including, friends, work, and other people who may reach out to them. This constant connectivity can cause a number of issues within a relationship. 1 in 4 mobile phone owners in a relationship found their partner was too distracted by their phone. With 1 in 10 frequently arguing about this same subject (Good Therapy, 2016).
The overuse of technology is often a way for people to easily disconnect from real life and in turn, their relationships. They tap out instead of having the difficult discussions that must be had to solve small issues. These issues then build up ultimately ending relationships.
Another key affordance of today’s smart phones is ‘dating apps’. Tinder is probably the most well known of the dating app boasting over 20 billion matches to date (Tinder, 2019). Through the gamification of the idea of dating, they have created a change in our psychological approach. The introduction of Tinder has made dating more efficient, however does not increase the long-term success of relationships (Chamorro-Premuzic, 2014).
Profiles are heavily edited and curated by individuals online therefore increasing the average level of attractiveness compared to the real world (Chamorro-Premuzic, 2014). The result of this is an unrealistic standard that cannot be met by normal people. Those in relationships are able to see the online profiles of people, and begin to wonder if they are missing out. This combination of ease of access and an unrealistic level of attractiveness can plant seeds of doubt in many relationships (Henderson, 2018).
The final affordance smart phones have provided is constant access to social media. Social media offers gratification for emotional, cognitive, social, and habitual area’s of our lives and can therefore take the place of gratification given by ones partner in a relationship (Christianson, 2018). The Uses and Gratification Theory (1973), suggests that users actively engage with the media in order to gratify these needs (Katzet, 1973). The instant gratification supplied by Instagram and Facebook likes, can create feelings of self-confidence and a sense empowerment craved by many (Christianson, 2018). This false sense of empowerment drives people to leave happy relationships, as they feel they are more attractive, and can do better.
So, much like celebrities, our lives are more on display than ever causing many of us to chase after the perfect life. However no relationship is perfect, and often the affordances created by smart phones place doubt in the minds of people who could otherwise be happy. Whilst they facilitate connectivity and help in our every day lives, we must be mindful that we do not get caught up in the glamorised lives that are portrayed.
