The harmful nature of ‘Othering’ Women

I’m not like the other girls

As a young child, I was not the stereotypical ‘princess girl’; I wanted to play rugby at the local club, I play-fought with my siblings, I stole my brothers clothing and typically hated anything ‘girly’. My two sisters did not have much of a feminine influence as they were also self-proclaimed tomboys. Enter Year 9 when I started to meet with boys from other schools, I often heard the phrase ‘you’re just like one of the boys’ or ‘you’re not like the other girls’. At the time I was flattered of course; I did not want to be associated with anything pink or feminine, I didn’t even own a dress. As I grew my narrow perspective on life shifted and I began to enjoy things and activities that were the stereotypical wants of a female. It was in my year 12 history class on feminism that I realised the correct response to ‘you’re not like the other girls’ is ‘what’s wrong with other girls?’.

This behavior of ‘othering’ women and their attributes is evident throughout history. There has always been a natural instinct to group subjects into an ‘us’ and ‘them’ duality and it was through this thinking that women were socially grouped as the other to the man. Aristotle claimed that ‘The female is a female by virtue of a certain lack of qualities, we should regard the female nature as afflicted with a natural defectiveness’.

Simone de Beauvoir, in her 1949 classic work ‘The Second Sex’, states “humanity is male and man defines woman not in herself but as relative to him; she is not regarded as an autonomous being.” As women were seen to be dependent upon men, or an “incomplete man”, women were socialised into creating their identities through what they lacked in comparison to men. Beauvoir also notes that opposed to other oppressed groups who share a common past, tradition, religion or culture, women did not. Women have no individual historical moment or event in which turned the scales from being an autonomous group to being dominated by another. She believes that due to this lack of shared history between women that as a group it will make it almost unfeasible to break away from this ‘othering’ dichotomy.

There has not been a time in which women have not been viewed as the ‘other’ or the oppressed and as such the gender hierarchy we find ourselves in today has become an acknowledged truth and the only way in which to organize a society. Today, the oppression of women and subsequently how we internalise sexism is the result of this historical persecution.

So how does this common notion of ‘you’re not like the other girls’ diminish women?

This notion of the ‘cool girl’ is damaging to women everywhere. In an attempt to distance ourselves from the stereotypical characteristics that we have been conditioned into thinking are negative, we claim we are not girls at all. Females from a young age are told that beauty and looks are the most important aspect of themselves while simultaneous condemning any process or product that allows it. We mock and devalue many characteristics that are seen as inherently feminine and consequently undermine our own interest if they align with them. We do not want society to view us as just another ditsy girl. The film Legally Blonde highlights the notion that women who partake in feminie or girly activities, who enjoy pink and socialising will not be taken seriously. We are told that not only to be valued in a work perspective but to be considered a friend, we must look feminine but act masculine. This internalised misogyny teaches women to view other women in a negative light, and view yourself in one too if you happen to prescribe to traditional female characteristics.

The famous ted talk by Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie and popularised by Beyonce’s ‘Flawless’ tackles another aspect of the ‘cool girl’. Some women detach themselves from traditional aspects of femininity in a way to differentiate themselves from other girls to be more appealing to men. Adichie describes that “We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men.” Adichie is highlighting that by competing with women we reinforce that a man’s interest in us is more important than our own desires and interests and that we should inherently judge other women if they are like all the ‘other girls’..

While this internalised misogyny does seem bleak, there has been change. While Simone de Beauvoir was correct in attributing the lack of uprising on our lack of shared consciousness, I doubt she was able to envision a community that did not rely on physical space.

Social media has allowed women from different races, religions, ethnicities and countries to not only have a platform to speak and voice their experiences but to create a shared comradery and connection to each other. We have seen the powerful movements that social media has begun and spread all over the world. The Me Too movement hashtag was used over 19 million times on twitter in only one year shaking powerful societal structures in some of the most visible sectors. It caused real world consequences for perpetrators, with 201 men fired after sexual harassment claims with nearly half being replaced by women in the US. Joan Williams, a distinguished law professor at the University of California highlights that “Women have always been seen as risky, because they might do something like have a baby. But men are now being seen as more risky hires.” The Me Too movement is a clear example of women banding together to fight the inherent social oppression we still face today. Social media allows women a platform that was not traditionally there; we can voice our experiences, connect with others and start long lasting movements.

Perhaps, through this new form of connection, women will be able to create a strong sense of solidarity that Beauvoir had so wished for us.