Are Men Lonely or Just Insecure?
With Spring gloom coming around, the seasonal depression is hitting hard for many. It’s difficult to be happy when the sun is gone most of the time. Due to this it can also be a struggle to plan things with friends.. And because it’s so hard to plan things, one might feel like there is a divide between themselves and their friends. With men, however, this divide is not seasonal. Some men struggle with friendships on a daily basis.
In a study done by Equimundo in 2023, surveys showed that two-thirds of men between the ages of 18 and 23 feel like “nobody really knows them”. A lot of these men feel like they can’t share who they are with other people. Many of these insecurities of sharing their true feelings come from the stereotypes that have been built and enforced by older generations of men.
In order to move past this and have meaningful relationships, one must be able to be comfortable with themself and share how they feel. One must be able to trust those around themself. But “societal stigmas” do ot allow that.
Growing up, I was told to “man up” when I cried, or got called ‘sissy’ if I didn’t want to do something I wasn’t comfortable with. I had to wear solid dark colors because wearing anything bright made me “look like a girl.” I had to have only have male friends because making friends with girls was seen as “gay”. While being gay or acting feminine is not wrong at all, being ostracized as a kid leaves you feeling insecure. Fortunately, I matured out of this mindset, many men (especially my age) have not. Some have even gone more extreme by creating new ideas for men that they refer to as “Sigma Male”. This concept comes from the notion of alpha and beta males. The Sigma male is supposed to be superior and not care about the whole idea of being an alpha, but the irony is that “Sigma ‘’ males are not superior, because everyone is trying to become one. But this idea of the Sigma Male’ is just another form of toxic masculinity.
More. recently there has been a surge of toxic masculinity. With such figures like Andrew Tate promoting the idiotic hyper-masculine lifestyle, the standards for men are starting to become more and more toxic. Equimundo’s study found out that 20 percent of the young men they tested trusted Tate more than President Joe Biden. Tate however, is not a man to look up to. Tate likes to promote a male dominant world, where men are in charge and women should be treated violently. His standpoint on women in general is very inhumane even stating some. rape victims should “bear responsibility.” He teaches that men are supposed to be strong and dominant, and that they should not talk about their feelings and women are only meant for breeding. But once men grow out of this horrible stigma, there is a lot of hope for a less lonely lifestyle. Because the amount of men who struggle with loneliness is alarming.
The same surveys showed that Gen Z men had the most results for “thoughts of suicide within the last two weeks” then zillenials, millennials and elder millennials. Loneliness is an epidemic, and we need to be the generation that steps away from the “plague toxic masculinity.” We need to stop worrying about what makes us look like ‘real men’ and just be ourselves. We need to set an example for the younger generations so that we can stop them from reaching the life of loneliness and thoughts of self harm. Princeton University/Umatter offers solutions to combat toxic masculinity such as to ask for help when needed, be vulnerable, and spread awareness of toxic masculinity to name a few.
Male toxicity can’t be fixed in a day, a week, or even a year, but we can take steps now for a better future.
Art Courtesy of Julia Centeno / Quaker Campus
