Mey & Em’s Post Oscars Breakdown
This conversation has been condensed for clarity.
The QC’s resident film buffs are back, and this time they’re breaking down the 96th Academy Awards that aired on ABC on March 10.
Meylina: Hi, I’m Meylina.
Emily: Hi, I’m Emily.
M: And we are here live from the Oscars. Actually, we’re not at the Oscars.
E: We’re in a study room next to Meylina’s dorm.
M: And we just finished watching the Oscars.
E: We’re feeling a lot of emotions. A lot of —
M: A lot of disbelief. And I think it’s mostly disbelief at this point.
E: I’m stunned!
M: The woman was too stunned to speak.
E: Obviously, we’re going to go through everything but I think we need to talk about our biggest upset and surprise that we both —
M: The only one!
E: The only one, really. That made us both sit up. We were both lying down. I was falling asleep, I was comfy. And then this happened and I shot up.
M: We went vertical.
E: What we’re talking about is Emma Stone winning Best Actress —
M: Over Lily Gladstone. We were 100 percent sure —
E: I was sure, and if they had a runner up, Emma Stone would be the runner up.
M: Yeah! I was like, “Emma Stone is the runner up because she doesn’t need another Oscar. Because she got one for La La Land!”
E: And that’s fine! Give Lily Gladstone one!
M: Oh my god. You know what I’m thinking about?
E: What?
M: Okay, so you know how they waited until the end to announce Best Actress? Because it’s usually Actress and then Actor.
E: Because they hate women?
M: Because they hate women. But —
E: I think what you’re trying to say to me is that this is kind of like the situation that happened in 2021, when —
M: With Chadwick Boseman!
E: Like with Chadwick Boseman, because they were so sure he was going to win. And then he didn’t. Same thing.
M: It went to Anthony Hopkins. Who wasn’t even there!
E: He wasn’t there!
M: Well, it’s because he’s an old man.
E: This is what I think you’re also saying is they did it at the end because everyone thought Lily Gladstone was going to win.
M: And then we give it to a white woman. I love you Emma Stone.
E: I love you Emma Stone! Out of all the five, those were the two that I —
M: Those were the only two I would’ve been okay with. I’m a little less okay with Emma Stone.
E: I wish it went to Lily Gladstone. I think it was always…hm, i don’t know.
M: I think that if Killers of the Flower Moon and Poor Things came out —
E: Did it win anything? Did Killers win anything?
M: No. Killers didn’t win anything.
E: Good lord!
M: But I think if they came out in different years, they both would have won. But because they came out the same year.
E: It was a really great year for movies.
M: The movies are back guys.
E: The movies are so back. — I wish we had a live reaction cam because we’re in a dark study room, we’re watching —
M: I took a video!
E: You took a video?
M: I posted it on Twitter. But it wasn’t like a live live reaction, but…our mouths were still open. It was crazy. Like, hands over mouths in silence.
E: Because I really just wasn’t expecting it.
M: You could tell that she wasn’t expecting it either.
E: That’s why I think — she made a joke that her dress was broken, and I love Emma Stone. I do!
M: She’s so funny.
E: She’s so funny! And she’s very humble and I love what she’s doing. Her little speech about her daughter was very cute. But it just…it kept going back to Lily Gladstone — as they do with Martin Scorcese —
M: We’ll get to that later.
E: Yeah. But they kept cutting back to Lily Gladstone and it was like putting salt in the wound.
M: It was like they knew what people were expecting and they knew what they were doing by cutting back and forth between the two of them.
E: And Lily isn’t someone who’s going to be like, “What the fuck?” You know? She’s a very kind person.
M: She was so gracious.
E: She was so gracious. She was so happy for Emma Stone. And in the other awards, when Lily won the Golden Globe, Emma was so happy that she won the Golden Globe. And they’re so kind to each other, it’s just crazy!
M: When they announced Emma Stone as the winner and they went to her face, she looked a little upset.
E: Yes!
M: Am I making that up?
E: No, you weren’t! It was more stunned. Like, she wasn’t expecting it herself, and she went, “Oh fuck!”
M: “Now I have to go up and accept an Oscar.”
E: I don’t want to psychoanalyze Emma Stone, but it was also a thing of like, “I am a white woman and I’m winning an award that should have gone to a Native woman.”
M: It’s going to be so bad. People are going to take this in the wrong way, and they’re going to be like, “Emma Stone is a terrible person.”
E: Except she has no control over this! She just gave a phenomenal performance in Poor Things.
M: Like I said, if they were released in different years, they both would win unanimously.
E: That was our biggest what the fuck? I was just so…we were sitting here listening in silence. We were lying down and not talking —
M: I don’t think we’d talked in fifteen minutes.
E: And we were just sitting there going, “What the fuck is happening?”
M: Besides that, this was a really good awards show. It was a very good ceremony.
E: Okay, pull up your spreadsheet and let’s talk about who won.
M: Okay, let’s go bottom to top.
E: Or we could actually go through the ceremony.
M: I don’t remember the order. Let’s go to Twitter — *laughs*
E: We’ll go to a live recap of what happened.
M: Let’s check out FilmUpdates because I don’t remember the order in which the awards were released and whatnot.
E: Because we’re going to have to go through moments as well. Like Challengers and Messi.
M: Let’s just jump forward a little bit.
E: Messi at the Oscars! Why was he — *laughs*
M: I’m so glad Messi the dog was at the Oscars.
E: I was scared for a little bit.
M: I want to know who made the dog paws that were clapping.
E: Yeah!
M: That is not how a dog claps. One, dogs don’t clap. Two, if a dog were to clap —
E: He would have to break his bones to clap like that.
M: He would be standing. — I need to know who made the dog paws. And I need to know who was puppeteering. If anyone wants to give me the answer, call me.
E: Okay, so first winner and the rightful winner: Da’Vine Joy Randolph for The Holdovers in Best Supporting Actress.
M: That was good.
E: We teared up while she was giving her acceptance speech.
M: It was two minutes in and we were crying.
E: Because Paul Giamatti was crying. She was so grateful for her award.
M: It was Lupita Nyong’o who introduced her. — By the way, can I just say, I love the idea of having past acting winners go up and present the award, but the little speeches they gave were a little too long. They were really fucking boring.
E: We can cut it a bit.
M: I think that we need to go back to an acting montage of clips of the actors in their performance. I like them. I know that some people don’t like them, but I don’t want all of that talking.
E: I think we can do both.
M: No. It’s like what Denis Villeneuve says. That filmmaking isn’t about dialogue, it’s about images. And he’s correct. I need less dialogue because I don’t have a very good attention span. Because we live in an attention deficit…deficit?
E: Deficient?
M: Deficient?
E: I don’t know man. I’m tired.
M: We live in an attention deficient economy.
E: Lupita had the glasses that she was wearing in The Holdovers. — No, it’s not The Holdovers. She said something about how [Da’Vine] gave them to her.
M: No, she said that Da’Vine was wearing her grandmother’s — grandmother or mother, I think it was grandmother — glasses in the film. Those were just Lupita Nyong’o’s glasses. I don’t think Da’Vine is giving her grandmother’s glasses to Lupita Nyong’o.
E: Okay. Well, I don’t know.
M: That’s just weird.
E: I didn’t know the grandmother situation. I didn’t hear.
M: That’s why the speeches aren’t that great of an idea, because you lose focus.
E: Oh, that makes sense. I don’t know. I’m fine with it.
M: I’m not. I’m a visual learner.
M: Where was Dominic Sessa?
E: They pushed that man to the back!
M: I did not see that man the entire show.
E: They should have a little camera that follows him the entire time.
M: I want a Dominic Sessa cam.
M: *laughing*
E: Oh my god.
M: Okay, the next award presented was for Animated Short. I predicted — actually, what did you predict?
E: I don’t know! I predicted anything but this award! I didn’t want this to win.
M: I predicted the correct winner which was War is Over! Inspired by the Music of John Lennon and Yoko Ono. Do you want a plot summary of War is Over!?
E: I’m so scared. I’m [nervous.]
M: Don’t be. — “Set in an alternate world WW1 reality, a heroic pigeon delivers messages *laughs* across the battlefield *laughs*.”
E: Goddammit. What is this?
M: “From one side to the other. The messages are exchanged by two soldiers on opposite sides, who, unaware of who their opponent is, are playing a game of chess against each other. As the fighting and the game both escalate, they continue to to exchange their chess moves, delivered by the brave pigeon. Whoever wins the game, what’s certain is that there are no winners in war.”
Both: *singing* War is over!
M: I have no idea how that’s inspired *laughs*.
E: I don’t fucking know. Ugh.
M: I’m so happy that it won, not because I watched it but because I won.
M: What happened next? Chris Hemsworth with Anya Taylor-Joy presented.
E: I have opinions! Why does every fucking year, they say, “Oh, did your kids fill out the ballot?” No! Animation is not just for fucking children! Stop demeaning it!
M: We have to fix that sentiment.
E: It’s every fucking year!
M: Guys, we have to grow up.
E: It’s so annoying. And it just rehashes a terrible cycle. It pisses me off.
M: Also, different topic from what you were just talking about, but they didn’t show a Furiosa trailer, did they? Because that was the whole reason they were there.
E: They’re in a movie together?
M: Yeah!
E: I didn’t know! I thought they were just there!
M: No! The new Mad Max movie that’s coming out this year. Furiosa.
E: Oh, that’s right! The new Mad Max. I thought that this was like a Gran Turismo situation.
M: *laughing*
E: I was like, “What the fuck? Gamer to racer?” It’s also the same guy who’s in fucking Saltburn. It’s crazy.
M: Which guy? Barry Keoghan?
E: No, it’s not fucking Barry Keoghan.
M: Oh! The gay one.
E: Which one, honey. There’s like twelve.
M: Oh, that’s true.
E: The actual good one in that entire movie.
M: The American one?
E: Yeah, the one that’s actually funny. I hate Saltburn.
M: I know you hate Saltburn.
E: I’m so glad it didn’t win anything.
M: Well, we’re glad that it wasn’t even nominated.
M: Best Animated Feature goes to The Boy and the Heron. Which was a great win. Hayao Miyazaki was not there. He’s never there.
E: In 2003 he didn’t go to stand in defiance —
M: I thought it was 2001.
E: I don’t know.
M: It was probably — Okay, Spirited Away came out in 2001, so it would have been the 2002 awards.
E: Whatever. Early 2000s.
M: No! We have to get this right or else the people are going to riot.
E: Or the people can fucking fact check what I’m saying like we should be doing.
M: The people are fucking stupid! And lazy!
E: Oh, but you should fact check.
M: I am! In my brain!
E: Anyway, he didn’t come to one of the ceremonies for Spirited Away to stand up in defiance of what was happening in Iraq, so there’s probably a reason why he didn’t come here today.
M: He’s also just old and probably didn’t want to come. But some of the people who worked on the movie were there with Warawara plushies, and they were — I love the trend of Asian people coming with little trinkets of their characters. I love Asian people.
E: But the Academy does not!
M: Asian people, we lost the battle but we will win the war!
E: They loved Asian people so much last year.
M: They loved Asian people.
M: Best Original Screenplay goes to Anatomy of a Fall.
E: Which makes sense. — Now, as a continuation [of our last conversation], I have finished Anatomy of a Fall.
M: Two months after we recorded the first pod.
E: I finished it two days ago!
M: Terrible cinephile.
E: It was wonderful. Also, we loved the graphics they had for the screenplay awards.
M: They really upped the production, the visual design, the music —
E: The Oscars this year were great.
M: It was a really good telecast, and it’s usually not very good.
E: It’s usually boring.
M: It was fun!
E: It was fun! It was visually entertaining.
M: The only part I didn’t like was all of the weird speeches that the actors were giving before the awards.
E: I enjoyed the screenplay stuff. They had the actual screenplay on the screen when they were talking and Anatomy of a Fall is very deserving. I like movies that are smart and know that their audience is smart enough to figure it out. I think we have to trust our audiences more, movies, and not tell the audience what the fuck is happening.
M: You’re so right. I also like that they played the instrumental cover of “P.I.M.P.” while they were going on stage.
E: I love Anatomy of a Fall.
M: Adapted Screenplay goes to American Fiction. I still haven’t watched it.
E: I think it’s a wonderful film.
M: You gave it three stars.
E: Okay. I think it’s fun. It’s very funny. The third act is kind of iffy. But other than that, it’s very smart. It’s very funny. If you would like to learn more, I interviewed the second assistant director Emily Baeza.
M: Hey, we’re not going to plug here.
E: I’m plugging.
M: Ariana Grande was there for Wicked. Okay, again, why weren’t they showing any trailers for these upcoming movies that these celebrities are clearly here to promote? Like, they had Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo for Wicked —
E: And they were literally wearing pink and green.
M: Yeah! They were on theme, but there was no written, visual promo for Wicked besides them.
E: *singing* No one fears the wicked!
M: They showed the trailer for Challengers — Hey, I love that by the way. I want you all to know that I love that trailer, but it was only Zendaya there. They didn’t have her white boys with her.
E: I don’t know what was happening.
M: Best Makeup and Hairstyling goes to Poor Things.
E: This makes sense.
M: Poor Things kind of swept.
E: It really swept.
M: It got all of the — not all of the…
E: It got most of the technical stuff.
M: Yeah, it was mostly split between Poor Things and Oppenheimer.
E: It’s deserving.
M: It’s very deserving. If you see what they did to Willem Defoe alone —
E: It’s crazy.
M: It’s a little scary.
E: They made him have a big jaw.
M: Have you watched it yet?
E: Not yet.
M: What’s wrong with you?
E: A lot. I was going to watch it this morning, but it was two hours, and I was like, “I don’t have time. I’m not going to be able to finish it.”
M: You didn’t have time?
E: Emily wanted to read outside. I like nature.
M: Sometimes we have to sacrifice the sun for movies.
E: Emily wants to be outside.
M: Best Production Design went to Poor Things, which is also correct. My two options were Poor Things and Barbie.
E: That would be mine too.
M: Congratulations to Poor Things. — Costume Design goes to Poor Things. Again, they were doing some really cool shit here.
E: I think it’s also very deserving. Poor Things, Barbie, and I would also say Killers of the Flower Moon.
M: I would also say Killers. I’m a little less on Barbie just because, I don’t know. I just am.
E: You hate women.
M: But also, the costumes in Poor Things are just so much cooler.
E: They’re very weird. I’m very glad this year — my friend made this sentiment, but a lot of the time the Academy doesn’t like weird shit.
M: Barbie is what you would expect. It’s very stylish and chic, but it still stands out. Poor Things is just weird.
E: It’s a weird movie. I think we need to make more weird movies.
M: You can very clearly see the references they were pulling from. There’s a lot of Victorian.
E: There’s been a lot of crazy instances at the Oscars, and this is one of them: John Cena coming out naked.
M: For costuming. For Best Costume Design. And they were like, “The best way to make an example of this is to have him come out naked.” And I think that was the incorrect decision.
E: It’s weird.
M: I think — Look, I love John Cena. I think he’s — okay, “love” is a strong word. I appreciate John Cena and the things he’s done for American society… I don’t think this was a good decision, not necessary on his part but on the producers’ part. I think it was, one, very tasteless, and a little demeaning.
E: Yeah.
M: There was no reason for — if they wanted to emphasize the importance of costuming, they could’ve put him in a cool costume. They didn’t need to make him naked and then drape him in a — I think it was a curtain.
E: I think so. It looked like it was part of the set.
M: I think they put him in a curtain, truthfully. This was just stupid. Also, I’m sorry John Cena. You deserve so much better.
E: Bad Bunny was there.
M: Bad Bunny was there and I don’t know why.
E: Oh! It was for The Zone of Interest. For Best International — what I thought was going to win for Best International.
M: I thought it was going to be Society of the Snow because I believe in my good friend Sarah Licon, who loves that movie.
E: I had a strong hunch that it was going to be The Zone of Interest because they weren’t going to give it Best Picture. And the people who accepted the award came out as pro-Palestine.
M: That’s true. Thank you Jonathan Glazer.
M: Best Supporting Actor went to RDJ. My number one: RDJ.
E: I also would have given it to Sterling K Brown. I think he did a wonderful job in American Fiction.
M: I have not watched American Fiction.
E: Fake cinephile.
M: At least I watched more than you so who’s the fake cinephile now?
E: At least I’m here.
M: Congrats to RDJ.
E: It makes sense. There were some weird jokes by Jimmy Fallon — Kimmel?
M: Kimmel. Kimmel’s the LA one. Fallon’s in New York.
E: Weird jokes by Jimmy Kimmel in the beginning talking about RDJ’s drug addiction. That was very weird.
M: Look, that’s public knowledge. Everyone knows that RDJ was severely addicted to many drugs in the 90s.
E: And is much better now. He’s doing great.
M: A very tumultuous history for RDJ. Jimmy Kimmel needs to stop hosting the Oscars.
E: And we’ll talk more about who we think should host the Oscars.
M: We’ll talk more about that. But congrats to RDJ, I’ve always believed in you.
E: I’m very excited for this new era of RDJ.
M: Because Emily hated the Iron Man era.
E: I didn’t hate it.
M: I was pro-Iron Man! I was in the trenches!
E: I didn’t hate Iron Man.
M: I was there on opening night of Avengers: Endgame.
E: I was not. I think I went two days after.
M: I was there opening night — Thursday night, even.
E: Good lord. I’m not that much of a loser.
M: I need to know who was on the ground controlling Messi’s puppet arms.
E: What intern? What Academy intern? The Gold Star interns.
M: It was the seat fillers. — He was such a well behaved dog!
E: Well, he’s also a great actor.
M: That’s true, he’s a professional.
E: He had a little bow tie!
M: He did have a little bow tie.
E: He was classy.
M: And to think people were complaining about his presence.
E: What weak ass Academy members were like, “Oh, he’s infringing on me.” And yet you all had Dominic Sessa out here.
M: He’s the one causing problems. He’s the one jumping in front of the slow-mo cam, like a loser. — Hey Dominic Sessa, you’re kind of ugly hot and I know you’re looking for a girl with personality.
E: *laughs*
M: So if you want to hit me up.
E: Meylina is here.
M: I’m totally cool with that. You have an unsettling swag that I kind of need.
E: Need and want.
E: Godzilla Versus One won for —
M: Minus One. Godzilla Minus One. It won for Visual Effects.
E: [The filmmakers] were so cute. They had their Godzilla shoes and their Godzilla figurines.
M: Every single one of them had a Godzilla figurine.
E: I’m so happy about that.
M: I’m so happy for them. They were so cute. I love you Asian people.
E: Oppenheimer won for Film Editing. Cool… I don’t have anything else to say about it.
M: Yay women.
E: Yay women — No! I thought the man got that.
M: It was a woman.
E: Oh, it was the woman.
M: The man with the phone? I don’t know who that was.
E: He won something.
M: Cinematography? It might have been Cinematography?
E: Oh, it was that one!
M: John Batiste performed. Crazy love montage in the back while he’s singing.
E: It had La La Land. Titanic.
M: Shakespeare in Love.
E: Love and Basketball.
M: And then —
Both: Brokeback Mountain.
M: And then, immediately, the second Brokeback Mountain came on screen, the camera cut away because they hate gay people.
E: Which is crazy to me.
M: The Last Repair Shop.
E: Oh!
M: It was so cute.
E: They brought out the little girl and they all stood up for the little girl!
M: And she had her little princess dress! And her little handbag!
E: We were both crying at seeing that little girl.
M: I did want Nai Nai & Wài Pó to win because I love Asian people. I will keep saying that until the day I die. But I’m very glad the little girl got her moment.
E: I’m very happy. I didn’t see any of those films.
M: Nai Nai & Wài Pó is on Disney+.
E: So is The Last Repair Shop.
M: Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t see that one.
E: I saw it while I was scrolling through Disney+.
M: I must have skipped over it.
E: Thank you LA Times.
M: Best Documentary Feature Film went to 20 Days in Mariupol.
E: He gave a very interesting speech where he said, “I don’t want to make this.” Which I think is a very appropriate thing to say. He’s like, “I wish I didn’t have to make this film.” It’s about the war in Ukraine. The Russian invasion.
M: “The film tells the story of the twenty days Chernov spent with his colleagues in besieged Mariupol after Russia began its invasion of Ukraine.” Yeah, okay. We had to check.
E: Also, by the way, it went from this — it went from a very intense speech, it was really quiet in the Dolby Theater.
M: It’s really hard to listen to.
E: It’s a really intense, somber speech about how he didn’t want to have to make this film, going straight into the orchestral version of “I’m Just Ken.” And it was just insane. There has been some whiplash with the emotions tonight.
M: What was right after that? Something else was right after that?
E: Did they perform “I’m Just Ken”?
M: No. — Oh, then it went to Cinematography. I thought there was something else in between. — Oppenheimer won Best Cinematography. Congrats.
E: Congrats.
M: Zendaya… Zendaya was the only one to present by — actually, Al Pacino presented by himself. But that’s Al Pacino.
E: Tom Holland was actually on the roof. They actually didn’t let him in.
M: Imagine Al Pacino and Zendaya on the same level of stardom that they could just present alone. Insane. — Al Pacino.
E: He looks really bad.
M: Number one example of twink death.
E: No, no! I don’t want to talk about it.
M: Am I wrong? Look at him in Dog Day Afternoon, and then look at him now. And I know he’s just 60 years older —
E: It’s really bad.
M: It’s so bad.
E: Time has not been good to Al Pacino.
M: Then Zendaya: beautiful, stunning, lovely.
M: The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar was awarded Best Live Action Short —
E: And he wasn’t there! Wes Anderson won his first and only —
M: We can say that. He’s never getting another one.
E: Probably only Oscar.
M: No, not probably.
E: When he’s older, they’re going to give it to him.
M: Well, they might extra hate him.
E: And he wasn’t even there! And then they performed the fucking song from Flamin’ Hot. And it was the worst thing. Why was it nominated?
M: It was only like, a minute long.
E: It was a bad three minutes for Emily.
M: They brought children on stage for the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos song. I can’t believe that the Flamin’ Hot Cheeto movie is Oscar nominated.
E: And Asteroid City wasn’t. “Dear Alien, Art Thou in Heaven” could’ve been up there.
M: I really need to know what the parameters for Best Original Song are.
E: I don’t know.
M: This isn’t anything against Becky G, I have no opinions against her, but it’s an okay song.
E: It’s a song. There could have been a Wes Anderson filled section, but there wasn’t. And he wasn’t there, and then Jimmy Kimmel made fun of him after.
M: He was like, “He’s building…”
E: “A miniature of corduroy,” or something. Shut the fuck up. You don’t understand the themes like I do. — I do feel like that. You don’t get it like I do. I know Wes Anderson better than all of you.
M: Wes Anderson Nation, you lost.
M: Challengers. The only film trailer shown. — Hey, I love you bisexual people. Why was this the only trailer? They showed the same three ads every single time.
E: The Rolex one. There was a car one.
M: The Hulu one.
E: Well, it’s on ABC and it’s Disney+ and everything.
M: Yeah, that’s true. The movies are so back but are they actually? I don’t know.
E: The Zone of Interest won for Best Sound, which is what my guess was.
M: My guess was for Oppenheimer because they made a bomb.
E: Sorry Chris.
M: I really root for Chris because this is the only time he’s ever going to get anything.
E: They hate him.
M: They really hate him! It’s like how they hate Wes Anderson. Same boat.
E: I’m so sorry to these British and hoping-to-be-British man.
M: I watched Inception again last night, which I noticed that you’ve never watched.
E: Hey!
M: Because you have it on your watch list on your Letterboxd. And I was like, “This is good.” Chris Nolan could have been a three time Academy Award winner by now, but they hate him because he has ideas.
E: Speaking of the Academy pushing ideas, I don’t know if any mention of the strike was said. Maybe Jimmy Kimmel said at the beginning, but no real mention by anyone of the massive labor strike that occurred. Dude! That changed Hollywood — No, he did mention it.
M: Jimmy?
E: Yeah, Jimmy Kimmel. Because he was like, “AI could write — ”
M: But Jimmy doesn’t count.
E: He doesn’t count. But no one else mentioned the massive strike?
M: That kind of affected you all?
E: And threw you all out of work?
M: And if it didn’t affect you, then you’re a scab?
M: Ryan Gosling performs “I’m Just Ken.”
E: That was the funniest shit I’ve ever seen.
M: I wasn’t happy that “I’m Just Ken” was nominated for Best Original Song because it doesn’t deserve to be, but that was a phenomenal performance. And I’m so glad it was nominated just for that.
E: I was happy it was nominated because I knew I was going to get that. We need to stop putting Ryan Gosling in dramas. He wants to make people laugh. Give me Nice Guys 2.
M: It’s like the thing with Hugh Jackman where they keep making him be Wolverine —
E: But he just wants to sing his show tunes.
M: He just wants to be in musicals. That man wants to dance.
E: And they keep saying no.
M: Best Original Score, that went to Oppenheimer. Congratulations to Ludwig Göransson.
E: That makes sense.
M: Who is so Millennial but apparently has two children.
E: That does not make sense.
M: No. That’s the only thing that is sticking with me.
E: That is a man who graduated college in 2013.
M: “What Was I Made For?” won Best Original Song. Bad.
E: Excuse you, that should have gone to the Flamin’ Hot Cheeto song.
M: Billie Eilish is a two-time Oscar winner for Best Original Song.
E: She won for the James Bond thing.
M: She did. Do you know what it’s called?
E: Nope.
M: Have you watched a James Bond movie?
E: Nope.
M: Okay.
E: I don’t care.
M: Best Actor.
E: Best Actor went to Cillian Murphy! Our love! Cillian Murphy, we love you. We adore you.
M: With his 2011 boy band haircut.
E: Really bringing it back.
M: He said thank you to Ireland.
E: THANK YOU IRELAND!
M: He said, “I’m so proud to be Irish right now,” which is crazy.
E: I love it.
M: Oh look, Bradley Cooper *laughs*.
E: Bradley Cooper is seething right now. Twelve-time Oscar loser.
M: Loser! Loser! Loser!
E: Brings his mom every single time and loses every single time.
M: His mom must be so disappointed in him. Is he an only child?
E: I don’t know.
M: I’m going to Google this, it’s actually really important.
E: Does Bradley Cooper have siblings?
M: I need to know if Brad has siblings. I’m going to call him Brad, I have no respect for him.
E: Maestro sucks. It’s a terrible film. It’s a very well shot film for a terrible storyline. Script-wise, wise.
M: Oh, he’s the youngest. He has an older sister. This makes sense.
E: That tracks.
M: He’s also of Irish and Italian ancestry.
E: Sorry to the Irish. But congratulations to the real Irish: Cillian Murphy.
M: Chris Nolan, winner [for Best Director].
E: Congratulations!
M: Thank you to Mr. Nolan for Oppenheimer. This is the only time you’ll ever win. — Look at this line-up here: Bong Joon-Ho, Chloe Zhao, we can ignore Jane Campion here, Daniel Kwan —
E: And we ignore Daniel Scheinert.
M: Daniel Scheinert is Asian by association of Daniel Kwan. So it’s fine. But anyways, it’s very bad. Asian people, we lost so badly.
E: Oh no! We’re back at Best Actress.
M: We’re going ‘round. Best Actress…it goes to Emma Stone. I don’t know what to say.
E: Technically, it is! It’s Emma Stone.
M: It’s Emma Stone. I was kind of waiting for them to do a La La Land situation —
E: I think Jimmy Kimmel made a joke about it. But…I’ve never been in such a state of shock.
M: I’ve never been that surprised about an award outcome.
M: Oppenheimer, Best Picture.
E: It makes sense!
M: It was always going to win.
E: Well, I didn’t know! When we had the Emma Stone thing, I was like, “I don’t know what’s going to happen anymore!” But it makes sense.
M: Which one did Al Pacino present?
E: Best Picture.
M: I thought that was Steven [Spielberg].
E: No, Best Director was Steven because he’s one.
M: Why the fuck did Al present Best Picture?
E: Because it’s 50 years of The Godfather Part II.
M: Then why don’t we have Coppola?
E: He didn’t want to fucking come. He was like, “You didn’t nominate my daughter! I don’t want to be there.”
M: Al didn’t want to be there either! Did you see him?
E: He looked disheveled.
M: He looked so rough. How old is Al Pacino?
E: 80s?
M: He’s quite old. Al Pacino isn’t doing anything anymore. He’s just having children with his extremely young girlfriends.
E: That’s true.
M: And Bobby De Niro’s doing stuff — he’s also having children with his young girlfriends, but you know.
E: He’s 83. That’s what I thought.
M: It’s really bad.
E: Congratulations.
M: Congratulations to the Academy. You did it again.
E: I’m excited for another year of film.
M: If you watch any.
E: I will watch movies! I’m going to watch Challengers. — I have nothing else to say. Happy Movie Day. Shoutout to all the film students who have their Super Bowl today. Happy Movies!
M: Happy Movies!
Photo courtesy of Pitchfork, Vanity Fair, ABC News, X, New York Post, and Yahoo.
