Ping’s Sermon - November 2017

Whoa! Is this college on fire or what? The scrapping of Internet services in the campus couldn’t muster half the sense of unity that these Birla residents have invigorated in us IITians in a matter of hours. Still, let me reassure you, my dear compatriots, your protests and demands are falling on deaf ears. And even if the eardrums are sensitive enough to listen to your cries for justice, the red tape is far too sticky for any noteworthy action to take place. Freshers, I welcome you to the dark side of life at IIT (BHU) Varanasi.

Why such a hopeless attitude towards life you ask? Well, I believe this is our first rendezvous. Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Ping, Ping the pessimist. I am the perpetrator of all that’s hopeless and dreadful in this world. Positivity I shun, hope I have none, if you want to spread gloominess, consider it done!

In all honesty, this isn’t the best time to be a student of a college with BHU in its name. The institution was already in the spotlight for it’s ‘ exemplary ’ response to the molestation case last month and now, after giving in to the frivolous demands of a buffoon and his band of miscreants, the future seems bleak to say the least. Until now, only girls were cautioned to refrain from stepping out of their dormitories after dark. Now, boys too have jumped on the bandwagon. Three cheers to gender equality!

But enough about the college. Let’s step out into the city.

* Cough, cough *.

Or maybe not. With an abysmally high score of 491 on the Air Quality Index, Varanasi tops the list of most polluted cities in the country. I believe the day isn’t too far away when the scale would need to be extended to accommodate the steadily increasing pollution levels of this city. What’s even more amusing however, is the complete negligence manifested by Banarasis towards this phenomenon. I am pretty confident that they are of the opinion that the impenetrable smog that masks the morning sky is the remnant of smoke from Shiva’s chillum.

Rejoice, the iPhone X has hit the stores! People who still haven’t realized that the X in the name stands for ‘10’ are out on the streets looking for someone to sell their kidneys to in the hopes of buying the pinnacle of technological achievement from the hallowed stables of the Californian fruit company. I am not a big fan of Apple though. The half bitten apple reminds me of my life — incomplete and hollow.

Alas, here it is again, the damned last paragraph of my rant. I hope to see your faces again here next month (oh, I just realized you have a month of optimism, before we meet again next year and I’m sure I’ll be here to give a blow to all your new year goals and aspirations), when I’ll be back to quench your thirst for all that’s despondent and melancholy. Until then, the End-Semester examinations shall be there for your entertainment.

Don’t fret — they are pros when it comes to keeping happiness at bay!

- Perseverance Is a Needless Goal

a.k.a PING

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