Who let the Mails Out?
2 A.M.: Ishu had just gone to bed when his phone beeped all of a sudden. With tired eyes, he managed to slide down the notification when the Subject Line forced the sleep out of him. “Results Declared”, it said cheekily. Turns out, it was only for the final yearites, but that did not stop the nightmares or a grumpy morning thereafter.
Let’s face it, mass mails are the one constant in our otherwise surprise-filled college life. These mails, arguably our own version of spam, are as much a part of our Institute as are class bunks, unparalleled Internet connection, bakar at LC and everything that’s “lite hai”. Be it the daily dose of “Lost and Found”s every night, the endless mass mails aimed at the Director, or the irritating Buy/Sell mails that have, fortunately, been gagged of late; these emails are surely the prime reason why many of us have no second thoughts in turning on the spam filters (at least one of the writers of this article did not). It was while going through one such tedious mail, that we decided to find out what the folks on the other end, the “pestering” ones, actually think of it.
Lost/Found Mails or “Dr. Batra’s Recover Lost Hair Spam”
Quite the staple of late night mass mails from the DoSA, these are probably the most recognized ones by the junta. But how useful are these? We mailed those who had got their mails forwarded over the last four months, and came up with some interesting stats. Over 95% had not got their articles back, but fairly one half of the respondents still believe DoSA’s involvement actually helps in locating the misplaced, and almost all have no qualms about mass mailing again, if the need arises. Among the remarks we garnered from the disgruntled, were appeals to install CCTVs in hostel corridors and set up an effective lost/found cell for fast grievance redressal.
Grievances Mails or “Sign the Petition Spam”
This category includes the mass mails related to questionable mess food, inefficient administration and an ever problematic internet facility, the latter two contributing the most. These mass mails attract the interest of adventurous souls who enthusiastically “reply to all” and thus, keep such mails in the public eye. Our survey (oh, the irony) shows that almost half of this adventurous population was really frustrated with the issue at hand and believed that mass mailing would help the cause. The most anomalous and surprising fact was that while students eventually concur to the fact that mass mailing actually doesn’t help, apart from creating some awareness, most of them are still ready to repeat the process if need arose. Now, for the junta out there who really yearns to write long mails but is scared of their Email IDs getting blocked by the administration, we have good news! In the last 4 months, none of these Arvind Kejriwals got their IDs blocked. So, next time you want to talk to the entire student body, don’t hesitate. Go on, type that rant and click on send! (For the record, this is COMPLETELY SARCASTIC. We DO NOT ENCOURAGE mass mailing without any reason. A probable reason for why these IDs weren’t blocked is that the administration imposes a ban ranging from 2 weeks to a month, starting from the first day of spamming. The spams for the last 4 months came under the scrutiny of the Web Committee a tad bit late and hence, the students were excused.)
Buy/Sell Mails or “Flipkart Big Billion Day Spam”
Vacation time means a trip back home. And we invariably depend on the undependable railways every time. But what if there is a sudden viva announced two days later, and your ticket home is of tomorrow? Why pay the cancellation charges, when btech.201x is there to bail you out? The Buy/Sell era has now mostly fizzed out, thanks to persistent efforts by the Institute Web Committee, but we vividly remember the days where everything under the Sun, be it used motorcycles, random college tees, an “accidentally bought” extra ( :O ) smartphone, or even homemade Google Cardboard kits, were just a phone call or email away.
Official Mails or “Get 50% off at bookmyshow.com Spam”
These are perhaps the most reasonable mass mails and we are not saying this just because we deem our academic fate very important. These also include mails by the underappreciated Junior Assistant, IIT (BHU) who is always directed to attach herewith the letter no. IIT(BHU)/ACD/201x-1x/420/L dated Friday the 13th, 201X on the subject cited above, for our kind information and further necessary action. While we may get irritated with the constant feedback mails, or the course registration reminders or even the result declarations, these mails, sent from one Samsung Galaxy smartphone, are opened most promptly and bestowed maximum attention.
Surveys or “Take Personality Test! Spam”
Clearly, this article involved some surveys. If survey is a hot sizzling brownie, then adequate responses are like the vanilla ice cream on top- at first it doesn’t matter, but with the passage of time, the brownie becomes useless without it. Given that our club pretty much dominates the mass mails in this category, we can assuredly say that there’s no such thing as enough ice cream. But, that doesn’t mean people aren’t ready to order the brownie again and again. By the way, we are still talking about mails and most of the surveys go unnoticed in the students’ inbox. The reasons range from laziness to arrogance to genuinely busy schedules, but surveys mostly bear the worst burnt out of all types of mass mails.
Writers’ Note: Quoting a mahapurush, “at IIT BHU, sarcasm is like the Internet; half the college does not get it, and the other half gets it slow.” Therefore, we request you to be a sport, take the sarcasm in good light and not get offended by dimwits like us.
Psst.. If you don’t read The Quest, then you are missing out on the fact that according to an irrelevant question in our survey, you are among the insignificant one fourth of the college population that does not read it.
A note from Institute Web Committee: Dr. Senthil Raja A, Member, Institute Web Committee told us that over 50 mail IDs have been blocked in the last 1 month. These IDs belong to the 1st and 2nd year B. Tech and M. Tech. students and are blocked in the event of hacking. Students have to go through a tedious process to recover the control of their IDs and therefore, it is urged again and again that no one engages in fruitless spamming. Furthermore, he told the Media Club that the Web Committee has ensured that no student is anymore able to send mails to any student group, be it program specific or branch specific (e.g. btech.20xx, idd.20xx, btech.metxx, etc.). He also alerts the students against opening mails which promise more space for their Google drives, as these mails can get your IDs hacked.
