Why I’m starting a virtual hug movement
Quilt CEO, Ashley Sumner, shares a personal story from her first 45 days in isolation and why she’s starting a virtual hug movement because of it. Connect with other women virtually by downloading the free Quilt app.
by Ashley Sumner
March 12th was the last day in the office for Quilt. It was also the day we went entirely virtual and free. My first thought when making this quick decision was that we’re about to go on a long, individually isolated journey to protect the greater good so we’re going to need to have daily access to supportive conversations; this isn’t the time to charge for community.
I made this decision because I thought about myself and my needs. I am in my 30s, I am single, I work most hours of the day, and I expected that I would be completely alone in my home in Silver Lake. As someone who loves her alone time, even I felt nervous.
That however, is not what happened. On March 13th, a friend invited me to Tahoe for a couple of days. I didn’t know what to expect, nor did I realize how extreme our circumstance would become, so I went. 45 days later, I was still there and knew I needed to find my way home (that’s a story for another time).
I thought about flying, although it made me uneasy. I looked up renting cars, but none were available there. I called my friend to cry, because I felt nervous to leave what had become my safety net, nervous to go home and be alone for an indeterminate amount of time, nervous to see a city I love changed.
I felt nervous to leave what had become my safety net, nervous to go home and be alone for an indeterminate amount of time, nervous to see a city I love changed.
She heard my fear and she excitedly offered to come up and get me. I said no at first. I was pretty shocked she was willing to drive 7 hours alone. I also have a really hard time accepting help from others. She reassured me that she loves long drives alone and told me she wanted me to feel safe. As I began to accept this beyond generous offer, I noticed my fight or flight system start to calm down. I felt so incredibly loved in this moment, and that was what I needed. Her offer reminded me that we make ourselves feel safe and there are people in this world ready to mirror that back to you.
We make ourselves feel safe and there are people in this world ready to mirror that back to you.
24 hours later she showed up on my doorstep. I ran out, ready to tackle her, and she stepped back and asked — “wait, are we allowed to hug?” — I realized then that my bubble in Tahoe was far different than her experience in Los Angeles. She had spent 45 days alone, without human touch. I told her there’s no way we’re not hugging after she spent the day driving to get me. So we did. It was one of those dramatic movie hugs. It was glorious.
It was one of those dramatic movie hugs. It was glorious.
She spent the night, and we woke up to drive home the next day. She brought snacks, good tunes and great conversation. She brought me home, she brought me inside, and she made sure I felt safe.
I’m sharing this because this is what we have right now. And, this is all that matters anyways. Our lives have changed, completely. Some of us have jobs and are working around the clock, many of us do not. Some of us live with people and see them every day, many of us do not. Some of us are lucky enough to have daily touch, many of us do not.
So, I’m starting a virtual hug movement.
We’re virtually doing everything else, so why not?
I want virtual hugs to become the act of generosity, thoughtfulness and kindness that my dearest friend, Reyna, offered me days ago. So that none of us feel alone during this time.
Who in your life do you want to hug right now?
Quilt is a digital gathering platform for women. On the same day, you can download our app and dive into a live, intimate conversation with new women around the country or start your own. Once your gathering finishes, you’re immediately connected to the group to stay in touch, collaborate, and create the next conversation.
