Work-Life Balance Isn’t a One-Size-Fits All Concept
Personal development coach and consultant—and Quilt host—Ari Tabak helps clients learn what aspect of work-life balance make the most sense for them. In this Q&A, she shares some of it with us. Find your balance by coming offline with like-minded women. Download the Quilt app and activate your free trial membership to join us today!
We tend to think that work-life balance is being able to do everything — particularly as women. This is difficult at best, and downright impossible for many. What does work-life balance really mean?
I used to think that “balance” was something to reach, but I’ve learned it’s not a one-size-fits-all concept. Balance in this sense is defined as “a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions”, but “correct proportions” are going to look different for everyone.
For example, balance for one person could look like having a big job that she loves where she’s constantly working, and the few moments she’s not working, she’s on a killer vacation. For someone else, balance could mean being a stay-at-home mom because that’s what brings her the most joy and allows her to be present.
Work-life balance is completely different depending on who you’re talking to because we are not all the same. We have different things that bring us joy and fulfillment. Balance is not a matter of accomplishing everything simultaneously. It’s a matter of finding out how to prioritize the things that allow you to live your life to the fullest, and that is likely going to require a constant fluctuation of focus and energy.
You worked in the start-up world before beginning your coaching business. What were some of the biggest challenges with work-life balance you saw in that fast-paced work environment? How are these problems experienced across the board, no matter where you work?
I began my startup career shortly after graduating college, joining a company as employee number 10. Balance was non-existent. Clients had my cell phone number and had access to me 24/7… I would take client calls during movies, dinner dates, and believe it or not, at bars. It almost ruined my relationship. Not ideal.
What I learned later, and what I think is the same across the board, is that we all actually have the ability to make conscious choices. We get to set our own boundaries and decide what works for us. Sometimes it’s a matter of having a tough conversation with your boss, and sometimes it’s a matter of finding a different employer whose work environment is more in line with your needs.
As the speed of information increases, the general pace of life struggles to keep up. Do you think it’s possible to slow down and find balance in doing so? Why or why not?
Yes! It’s absolutely possible to slow down, and ironically, that takes a lot of work and commitment. With all of the meditation apps, parental controls, and reminders on our phones, it’s awesome to see how we are getting help from technology to increase our awareness around being present. It’s just a matter of whether people are taking the proactive steps to get there.
As a coach, you help people work toward their dreams and move into careers that they love. Do you believe in the idea that “if you love what you do you’ll never work a day in your life?” Is that the secret to true work-life balance — work-life integration?
I’ve seen this saying resonate differently for different people. I’ve known people who turned their passion into a career, and eventually found that they didn’t enjoy that thing anymore because it felt like an obligation and the passion was sucked out of it. This is a sign to that person that it might be a good idea for them to find a different job with flexibility for them to do what they love outside of work.
For me, it’s always been important that I enjoy what I do and feel that I’m making a positive impact on others and my community. I got tastes of this in my last few roles when managing people. I loved seeing my direct reports grow and accomplish things in their careers they never knew was possible. I remember wishing that I could synthesize that mama-bear sense of pride and turn it into a career. I didn’t realize at the time that it was coaching! All that being said, it doesn’t mean I love every aspect of my job. I’ve never particularly enjoyed being a salesperson or branding expert, but I’ve decided that it was important enough for me to take that on because of the reward of having a big impact on others.
Is work-life balance a state of mind? That is, can we create a sense of balance by shifting our perspective?
Yes! It’s different for everyone depending on what their values are and what fulfills them, but perspective is everything. People often think that they have perspectives, as if they own them, when in fact, we are in perspectives. Whether conscious or not, we are choosing perspectives, but can choose to take on a different one at any time.
I do an activity with my coaching clients that helps shake things up and allows them to try on different perspectives. You can almost think of a perspective as a lens that you are looking at life through. You get to decide when you want to take off your current perspective glasses and try on a different pair. It’s shocking what a difference it can make!
What are your 5 best tips for work-life balance?
- Prioritize and look at the big picture. Set aside time to take inventory on your life and see what you need to be honoring more and less of. (In coaching, I use something called “the wheel of life” for this activity.)
- Find out what lights you up. Make it a priority to incorporate that in your life more, whether that be part of your job or not.
- Start making conscious choices. Get out of auto-pilot and grab life by the wheel, knowing that YOU get to decide what direction you want to go in.
- Give yourself permission to turn off. Our brains are not meant to be constantly stimulated, working from the moment we open our eyes to the moment we shut them. Whether it be setting specific work hours to be in the office or a certain time to end screen time, give yourself a break and know that you’re not going to operate at your best 24/7, so charge up your mental battery.
- Set a routine and turn it into a ceremony. Do something that keeps you grounded and in control. For me, it’s making a lavender latte every morning. Once I take that first sip, I know I’m in control of my day.
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