The Illusion of Finding Your Passion
Over the past four or five years, I have developed this recurring fear. It isn’t with me every day or even every month. But several times (or sometimes more often) each year, I begin grappling with this idea of passion — or what it is I am truly passionate about in work and life. I obsess over it, worry about it, but most of all — I worry I have no passion. Or sometimes I worry about simply not knowing what I am passionate about. But mostly I fear the very idea I am some apathetic being sloughing his way through life and loving nothing.
I suspect I am not the only person in the world who feels this way or who has no idea what they are passionate about, what they want to do with their lives or how to best spend our time here. Much of this worry, angst or fear is central to my daily work — my career. After all, I do spend a good percentage of my life working to support my existence (and often to buy things I don’t truly need). This is no wonder since so much of our identity is tied up in our careers.
And so it seems I am frequently visited by this fear that the life I am living, the work I am doing, my career and who I am are little more than mechanized responses to the social structure of this existence I’ve found myself in rather than a path carved at my own choosing. But given the opportunity to choose my own path or dance to the beat of my own music, what would I do?
About 5 years ago, I took a break from work. I’m a user experience designer and had been working on a rather large software project. I wasn’t necessarily burnt out. But, I was close to it and I had a thesis to finish for my master’s degree. So I decided to use some savings (and my wife) to string me along for 6 months. During that time period, I really thought about what I was going to do when I went back to work. I thought about not going back to work. I even put myself in hypothetical situations pretending as though I were retired and asking myself what I would do? What was most frightening was: I didn’t have an answer.
Let’s suppose you won the lottery tomorrow and didn’t have to work for the rest of your life. What would you do with your time? Most of us can come up with a basic list of activities — maybe fishing, spending time with family, travel etc. But, most of our answers don’t move us closer to understanding what our passion is. Let’s ask the question another way. If you won the lottery today and didn’t have to work the rest of your life, what would you produce? What would your contribution to the world be from that point on?
You see, this was the problem I experienced. I had absolutely no problem coming up with activities I would pursue (if I were independently wealthy) involving consumption (such as walking my dog, spending time with family, etc.). But nothing really stood out in relation to what I would produce. This was not only frightening, but it also made me feel as though there were something broken within me. Even my most cherished activities where I have some talent such as writing or photography, I couldn’t necessarily say I was passionate about them. Writing can be a real chore and some days it isn’t fun at all (like when the words don’t come). Photography can be a great joy for me, but not all of the time and my outlook might change if I had to do it for a paycheck, which is where the work becomes much less self-directive.
The more I thought about it over those months, the more elusive any passion seemed to be within me. I am a UX designer by trade and it’s how I make my living in this world. But there are a lot of days where I feel less than enthused about creating another wireframe or prototype. This has led me to wonder over the years if I haven’t had my ladder leaned against the wrong wall. Maybe I just haven’t discovered my passion and that’s my only problem.
I recently came across a TED Talk from Terri Trespicio titled, “Stop searching for your passion.” This talk resonated with me. Perhaps there is a bit of confirmation bias going on here, but the points she makes in this talk seem to make more sense than the elusive search for this burning passion inside of us. Sometimes work is just work and Trespicio urges us to move beyond our fear and senseless quest for the ever-elusive passion.
It’s interesting but Trespicio makes a point concerning this whole “cottage industry” springing up around finding your passion. She’s right. But ironically, you can find other TED talks such as “How to find work you love” from Scott Dinsmore pushing us in this other direction. Maybe things were different for Dinsmore. Maybe it is easier for some people to find or recognize their passion.
I’ve been reading Ken Robinson’s book, Find Your Element. In it, he proposes we all have a passion — even dishwashers, window cleaners and janitors. He gives a singular example to support this point of a janitor who enjoyed their work immensely because they simply loved to clean. This is a logical fallacy (specifically, an anecdotal fallacy) because he uses an isolated example in attempt to build an argument. Trespicio gives a similar example in her talk stating window washers probably do not find themselves where they are in life simply because they have a passion for cleaning glass.
So there is a point and counterpoint. I imagine the truth lies somewhere between the idealist notion we will always love our work and the more dismal view Trespicio gives us. I think our true joy in work and life comes from knowing our direction and possessing the primary motivational elements we need in our work. We won’t love every minute of our work. We might not always feel great joy in spending the next eight hours in our cube. But if we have the basic elements needed to motivate us in our work, we find some fulfillment in what we do.
Maybe it is as simple as knowing we are making a contribution and working towards something greater than ourselves or maybe it’s as simple as knowing someone depends on us to just be there each day. Perhaps we don’t have to save the world or be the next Einstein or even be forever passionate about whatever it is we do each day. Maybe all of this talk about passion is bullshit repackaged to sell books and speaking engagements.
Regardless, I think Trespicio’s talk has moved me to wrest my grip from this idea and fear I should be passionate about this, that or the other thing. I love to create — write, design, cook, shoot photos — but don’t always enjoy nor am particularly passionate about the work involved in creating. I don’t get a great fire deep inside every day I go to work. Some days are better than others. And, I think this is all mostly a frame of mind. You can be as happy or as miserable as you allow yourself to be.
My time is better spent pursuing meaningful work and, perhaps, ignoring the idealistic notion of passion.
