Conversations with Jesus
On Giving Teachers Guns
MQ: “Hey Jesus, what do — wait, what’s going on?”
JC: “Nothing.”
MQ: “Why do you have a colander on your head?”
JC: “No reason.”
MQ: “No reason?”
JC: “I’m a fan of pasta.”
MQ: “Aren’t we all.”
JC: “Alright, alright, I was trying out Pastafarianism.”
MQ: “You’re the Son of God.”
JC: “Well Dad won’t pay for the surgery to plug the holes in my hands and feet, so this is my way of rebelling.”
MQ: “So does that mean you’re on dinner duty tonight?”
JC: “Yep. Takeaway it is.”
MQ: “This is probably why you can’t afford to get the surgery yourself.”
JC: “It’s just not right, you know? Hurt like a bastard when they went in. The least he can do is pay for some sort of corrective surgery.”
MQ: “That does sound fair enough.”
JC: “I mean, he didn’t even offer to buy a packet of cork stoppers for a DIY job.”
MQ: “Want me to have a chat to him?”
JC: “No, it’s OK. He’ll come around. Now what did you want to ask me?”
MQ: “Oh, yeah. What do you reckon about the idea of giving teachers guns to stop mass shootings?”
JC: “Hahahahaha.”
MQ: “What? It’s a serious question.”
JC: “How is that a serious question?”
MQ: “Well, that’s what’s been proposed to stop the flood of school shootings.”
JC: “Sometimes I wondered why I died for you people. ”
MQ: “Reckon you might do it again?”
JC: “I might, but only if it was quick.”
MQ: “Like a shot to the head?”
JC: “Just as long as a teacher doesn’t pull the trigger. And if Dad pays for that hole.”
