Daily Mail Goes 24-Hours Without Publishing Utter Shit


In a surprising first, the British tabloid newspaper has survived an entire day without publishing a steaming pile of faeces.

No Kardashians were featured, no inflaming Islamic reports were published, and no horrible puns were emblazoned on the front page. Instead. among other pieces, a surprisingly in-depth, unbiased report on the activation of Article 50 was written, accompanied with an engaging analysis on the plight of the shrinking middle-class.

Some readers were, suffice to say, shocked. “Well, fuck me,” commented Reg Teller, auctioneer from York. Dressmaker Meryl Grosvenor, of London, said, “What am I supposed to use for toilet paper now?”

Fans of the typical Mail format found themselves in dismay this morning upon distribution of the paper. Rumours are circulating that those that didn’t defect to The Sun have added at least ten IQ points to their thought tally by day’s end.

Matt Querzoli’s Adventures in Blokedom is the satirical publishing arm of The Quintessential Q. Follow his writing blog, his letters to strangers blog or his blog blog if you liked the post, or even the bloke himself if this tickled your proverbial pickle.

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